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[Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
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- Episode:
- Quest Name: Darkness Within the White Kingdom
Quest Category: Episode
Player Participants: Ai D. Kirai (+1)
Planned Location(s): Flevance
Summary: Ai had surfaced within this island, which was the center of a diseased that feared the world. While exploring the island, the young doctor eavesdrop on a certain conversation about several civilians disappearing throughout the week. Ai, being the curious person he is, decides to go on an adventure based on the conversation. He will find out that a few people have indeed been taken away from the city, and that a group of ruffians took them to test a possible stronger version of the Amber Lead that could affect them. Ai, will be able to reach them before they could get to the main camp, but will he be able to rescue the civilians that were taken from their homes?
A beautiful day on the island of Flevance, the city bolstering with life as people that have known each other for years have roamed around handling their everyday needs. The chatters heard all over the city were loud as it could be, the sun was out the way its rays shining down upon the island. The clouds spread fairly apart as the birds moved together as a flock trying to find their new destination for the day. What was to do in this beautiful city you may ask? Well, within every beautiful city there is a nice little dark area, for those who enjoy the dark things in life. Ai was one of those people, and even though he enjoyed helping others that needed it, the young man enjoyed pleasuring himself more than anything. The young man had gone through the dark allies within Flevance as he knew damn well there had to be a brothel here. The young man would have his mantel wrapped around his body as he didn’t want to draw attention with his clothing. He kept himself to the dark as he followed a certain man who had a rather weird look to them.
Their smiles were creepy as they were going to commit their biggest sin for the day. The Doctor would keep his pace steady as he didn’t want to get too close to the man and scare him away. It wouldn’t take long, but the weird looking man would lead him to a brothel after all, but there was also a few things near the place. He could only smile as he stretched his arms into the air with relief at what he had found.
“Finally a damn brothel in this place. I was starting to think there wasn’t one around in this white city. Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah.” He laughed a bit as walked out from the shadow and made his way towards the big neon lights.
He would enter without hesitation as he had been to one of these before, and he would look around the place to see the extravagant females that moved around the place. His mouth opening up a little bit as a bit of drool would escape from the right side of his lip. It wouldn’t take long, but it would be greeted by someone from his left as she was older than the rest of them as she looked at Ai.
“Well, well, well, we don’t see that many pretty boys walking into these places. Do you have bad luck when it comes to women that you have to pay for a good time honey? Not that I mean of course, but I’m curious as to why you’re here?” She asked him waiting for an answer.
Ai looked at her when she said that as he wiped the side of his mouth as he figured she would be the one to get him the ladies that he wanted.
“Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, no I don’t have bad luck with ladies, but I do enjoy paying for certain females hard work and dedication for pleasing their clients. They do everything at one hundred percent and well I don’t really need to teach them.” He said to her with a smile on his face as he looked at the merchandise that walked by for a few seconds before looking back to the woman who spoke to him.
“I would like two females today two of tan color, nice ass pretty face, slim waist please.” He said as he took out beri for her weight and see that he was a serious customer.
When she saw the bag and she peaked into what was inside, she would close it up and she would make her way to the back as she was getting him exactly what he wanted. When she came back with her two employees, Ai would smile as they were perfect and he was glad that she got it right the first time.
“Ladies take him to a nice room and I hope you enjoy your stay here.” She said to him as they would take him to one of the empty rooms.
WC: 698 TWC: 698
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
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Ai had made his way to the back of the room as he had enjoyed time with the two beautiful ladies in the back. He had known that he had to get his money’s worth, so he had gone all out for the girls. When they were done with their dirty deeds, the young man could be found lying down with the door open. On top of his chest were the two beautiful women who he entered with. They were just laying on him as they felt protected around him. They were giggling a bit as they looked at each other that it was best to have a conversation with each other, now that their job was done. The exiled kept his eyes up to the ceiling as he was thinking about what he would do with the rest of his day. He enjoyed having fun in the morning if he could, but when there was work, then well he could never find entertainment.
“Hey Lily did you hear the little rumors that have been going around lately? It seems like a lot of people within the city are doing their best not to talk about it. It’s like they are hoping it just disappears.” She said to her friend as she caressed Ai’s chest.
Lily would look at her companion as she was surprised that she wasn’t the only person who heard about it.
“Oh, so you heard about those rumors too. I thought it was just one crazy guy talking about it, but then I heard a few more men talking about it. I thought I was losing my mind, but from the things I heard I couldn’t believe that the city isn’t trying to do anything to stop this from happening.” She said to her friend.
“Yes, it seems like there are people in this world who aren’t too excited about people living a happy life on this island.” She said this as Ai’s ears twitched a bit to their conversation.
They were being discrete about it, but he was wondering what was going on with this island now. His chin had moved downward as his eyes were looking at the two girls laying on his chest and having an interesting conversation.
“Oi, do you think you girls could tell me more about these rumors going around? It seems like trouble, and who knows I might be in a mood for some trouble.” He said to both of them with a smile on his face.
They would tilt their heads up as they looked at Ai with a smile on their face. They pushed off from the bed as they sat up and looked at him with the willingness to provide him any information he needed.
“Of course, that isn’t a problem. Rumors are being spread around these areas about how people who are have had bad immune systems have been taken from their homes and disappeared from the city. I also heard one of the guys that possibly have something to do with it, that they were taking them to a camp not too far from the city.” She paused for a second and Lilly decided to take over.
“Yes, they are taking these people to a secret location apparently and are going to try some new test, that might become lethal to those that have it injected or consumed. I don’t know what that means, but I guess that it is a bad thing if anything. I hope someone goes to help those people because I don’t think anybody deserves such treatment, don’t you think Star?” She said to her friend waiting for her opinion.
“I don’t think it's nice to do that to anybody who isn’t really healthy. Still, is there something you could do about it, mister…? I mean you don’t look like you could do anything when it comes to stopping people from harming people.” She said to him as he honestly didn’t look like a fighter indeed.
Ai, on the other hand, would just chuckle from her final words as he wasn’t too sure if he could do exactly that himself as well.
“The name is Ai, sorry for not telling you two earlier. Nice to meet you Lily and Star. I don’t think I can stop them from harming people, but I sure as hell will do my best to help out. You might be asking why I would even do that, as to helping strangers, but there is a simple explanation behind it. I’m a doctor, and if people who aren’t healthy need my help, then I will be there to help them.” He paused for a second as he got up slowly so they could see that he was getting ready to depart.
“Don’t worry about me though, I will do my best to make sure that nothing bad happens to these people, and that the people who are doing this are stopped by any means necessary.” He said as this time he got off the bed and started dressing up.
When he was done with putting his clothes on he looked at the two girls with a smile on his face.
“I’m glad you could tell me all of this without a problem, but do you happen to have heard the location of where this campsite could be?” He asked his last question.
“Well, I’m glad they don’t seem to care about throwing the information around when they are having fun with women, but one did mention that the campsite wouldn’t be too far from the outskirts from the south side of the city. That would be your best bet.” She said to Ai as he would wink at them both and make his way out of the room.
The older lady would see that he was leaving, and she would make her way towards him and stopping right in front of him.
” I hope my girls showed you a time that you will never forget.” She said to him with a lot of confidence in her girls.
“They were amazing, I plan on coming back a few times while I stay on this island. If anything please have those two ready and able. They were top-notch in every category.” He said to her as he had a smirk on his face as he would walk out of the brothel and towards his next destination.
Ai always knew that the best way to get information was a brothel. Men couldn’t help, but lower their guard, open their mouths, and do their best to impress the women that work there. He was hoping that it would come and bite them all in the ass.
WC: 1117 TWC: 1815
“Hey Lily did you hear the little rumors that have been going around lately? It seems like a lot of people within the city are doing their best not to talk about it. It’s like they are hoping it just disappears.” She said to her friend as she caressed Ai’s chest.
Lily would look at her companion as she was surprised that she wasn’t the only person who heard about it.
“Oh, so you heard about those rumors too. I thought it was just one crazy guy talking about it, but then I heard a few more men talking about it. I thought I was losing my mind, but from the things I heard I couldn’t believe that the city isn’t trying to do anything to stop this from happening.” She said to her friend.
“Yes, it seems like there are people in this world who aren’t too excited about people living a happy life on this island.” She said this as Ai’s ears twitched a bit to their conversation.
They were being discrete about it, but he was wondering what was going on with this island now. His chin had moved downward as his eyes were looking at the two girls laying on his chest and having an interesting conversation.
“Oi, do you think you girls could tell me more about these rumors going around? It seems like trouble, and who knows I might be in a mood for some trouble.” He said to both of them with a smile on his face.
They would tilt their heads up as they looked at Ai with a smile on their face. They pushed off from the bed as they sat up and looked at him with the willingness to provide him any information he needed.
“Of course, that isn’t a problem. Rumors are being spread around these areas about how people who are have had bad immune systems have been taken from their homes and disappeared from the city. I also heard one of the guys that possibly have something to do with it, that they were taking them to a camp not too far from the city.” She paused for a second and Lilly decided to take over.
“Yes, they are taking these people to a secret location apparently and are going to try some new test, that might become lethal to those that have it injected or consumed. I don’t know what that means, but I guess that it is a bad thing if anything. I hope someone goes to help those people because I don’t think anybody deserves such treatment, don’t you think Star?” She said to her friend waiting for her opinion.
“I don’t think it's nice to do that to anybody who isn’t really healthy. Still, is there something you could do about it, mister…? I mean you don’t look like you could do anything when it comes to stopping people from harming people.” She said to him as he honestly didn’t look like a fighter indeed.
Ai, on the other hand, would just chuckle from her final words as he wasn’t too sure if he could do exactly that himself as well.
“The name is Ai, sorry for not telling you two earlier. Nice to meet you Lily and Star. I don’t think I can stop them from harming people, but I sure as hell will do my best to help out. You might be asking why I would even do that, as to helping strangers, but there is a simple explanation behind it. I’m a doctor, and if people who aren’t healthy need my help, then I will be there to help them.” He paused for a second as he got up slowly so they could see that he was getting ready to depart.
“Don’t worry about me though, I will do my best to make sure that nothing bad happens to these people, and that the people who are doing this are stopped by any means necessary.” He said as this time he got off the bed and started dressing up.
When he was done with putting his clothes on he looked at the two girls with a smile on his face.
“I’m glad you could tell me all of this without a problem, but do you happen to have heard the location of where this campsite could be?” He asked his last question.
“Well, I’m glad they don’t seem to care about throwing the information around when they are having fun with women, but one did mention that the campsite wouldn’t be too far from the outskirts from the south side of the city. That would be your best bet.” She said to Ai as he would wink at them both and make his way out of the room.
The older lady would see that he was leaving, and she would make her way towards him and stopping right in front of him.
” I hope my girls showed you a time that you will never forget.” She said to him with a lot of confidence in her girls.
“They were amazing, I plan on coming back a few times while I stay on this island. If anything please have those two ready and able. They were top-notch in every category.” He said to her as he had a smirk on his face as he would walk out of the brothel and towards his next destination.
Ai always knew that the best way to get information was a brothel. Men couldn’t help, but lower their guard, open their mouths, and do their best to impress the women that work there. He was hoping that it would come and bite them all in the ass.
WC: 1117 TWC: 1815
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
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Ai had left the dark area within the beautiful city that was Flevance. His appearance through the dark alley hadn’t gone unnoticed as a few people watched appear from the dark. They were surprised to see him and rushed away from him as they have never seen the man before, and they could tell from his clothing that he was not from this island. Ai would release a small chuckle as he could see the reaction but pushed forward to the south side of the city. The girls that he was with had given him enough information to be able to find what he was looking for. He knew from their information that if he brought this information to someone that they would just ignore it. His pace had increased as he felt bad for those who had been taken away from their home. This situation reminded him of his own past and how he was forced out of his home because of who he was.
The Doctor would shake his head at this thought as he had to do something about it. Still, he was one person, and if there were a lot of people that had been taken captive, then it meant that there were would be a group of people watching over them. He sighed with disappointment as this was going to be hard, and he should have thought things through. His pace would lead him to the south gates quickly and when he notice the young man would come to a stop right in front of the exit.
“Oi, this is going to be rather difficult. If I’m going to be fighting a militia, I need to be smart about this. I need to get a surprise attack and cut down their numbers first. Then whoever is standing after I could consider a huge threat.” He whispered to himself as he rubbed his chin.
The guards at the gate looked at him wondering what he was going to do. They were a bit confused about the civilian but could see that he had a bo-staff on his back. It wouldn’t take long, but Ai would slam the hand that was on his chin into his open hand.
“I will survey the area, find the strongest guy there, and do my best to take him out first. The other guys will fall in order afterward.” He had a smile on his face as he thought he had made a good plan, but it was a foolish plan indeed.
The Alabastan man started to walk again and when he saw the guards, he would only wave at them as he left the city of Flevance and was off to his new destination. Ai, of course, wasn’t stupid and knew that walking aimlessly wouldn’t find him the group of people he was looking for. When he got far enough that the men at the gates couldn’t see him, he started searching for recent tracks on the floor. If nobody knew what they were doing in the shadows, then these men wouldn’t need to cover their tracks, and without much struggles, he would find the tracks he needed. Ai would follow the tracks that he had found, but at the same time, he would keep his guard up. His pace was slower than usual as he didn’t want to walk into something unexpected. That would be the worst-case scenario for him.
Ai pushed forward with these thoughts in the back of his head as he wasn’t going to allow that to stop him. He hesitated to grab his sister that day, and she wasn’t with him anymore, which bothered him every day. The young man kept moving as the tracks that he had found weren’t hard to follow. His path allowing him to find laughter coming not too far from him. He had come to a stop and he would crouch and slowly make his way to the end of the many brushes that were there. It was then, he would peek his head out slightly and everything was revealed to him.
There was a medium size camp right next to him, and there were a lot of men talking to each other. Tents were lined up next to each other as they were creating a circle. There were a bunch of crates placed in a certain area of the campsite. It wasn’t just that, but there were two paths that led into the campsites. In these two spots, there weren’t any tents located. The middle of the campsite was a big fire spot, where most of the men were located. There was another spot that had a bunch of cages with people inside of there. Ai had found the missing people, but none of these guys seem to be the man in charge here.
It was indeed the place he was looking for. How did he know? Well, men talking weren’t the only thing he was hearing, Ai also heard people crying and yelling for help, and other people yelling at them to shut their mouths, or they would sew it shut. Ai would have a disgusting taste in his mouth as he didn’t like this one bit. Still, he had to be patient, and he knew that he would stop all of this. Ai looked around at this point as he was looking for a vantage point on where he could scout the place and find the big honcho.
It wouldn’t take long, but the doctor had fully covered himself with the brush he was in as he had found what he was looking for. The route over to his vantage point would be a tricky part, but one that he needed to go through. There was a bunch of crates that he saw could keep him hidden, and at the same time, he would be able to keep an eye on the men there. Ai had moved from the brush as he would go around the camp, and he would see that the men in the camp were truly laidback. They didn’t think anybody would come to stop them from how they guarded this place. He ran inside the camp and towards the crates that he saw without stopping.
Ai would settle down on his hiding spot before he watched over the guys in this campsite to find out who he was going to attack and kill.
WC: 1070 TWC: 2885
The Doctor would shake his head at this thought as he had to do something about it. Still, he was one person, and if there were a lot of people that had been taken captive, then it meant that there were would be a group of people watching over them. He sighed with disappointment as this was going to be hard, and he should have thought things through. His pace would lead him to the south gates quickly and when he notice the young man would come to a stop right in front of the exit.
“Oi, this is going to be rather difficult. If I’m going to be fighting a militia, I need to be smart about this. I need to get a surprise attack and cut down their numbers first. Then whoever is standing after I could consider a huge threat.” He whispered to himself as he rubbed his chin.
The guards at the gate looked at him wondering what he was going to do. They were a bit confused about the civilian but could see that he had a bo-staff on his back. It wouldn’t take long, but Ai would slam the hand that was on his chin into his open hand.
“I will survey the area, find the strongest guy there, and do my best to take him out first. The other guys will fall in order afterward.” He had a smile on his face as he thought he had made a good plan, but it was a foolish plan indeed.
The Alabastan man started to walk again and when he saw the guards, he would only wave at them as he left the city of Flevance and was off to his new destination. Ai, of course, wasn’t stupid and knew that walking aimlessly wouldn’t find him the group of people he was looking for. When he got far enough that the men at the gates couldn’t see him, he started searching for recent tracks on the floor. If nobody knew what they were doing in the shadows, then these men wouldn’t need to cover their tracks, and without much struggles, he would find the tracks he needed. Ai would follow the tracks that he had found, but at the same time, he would keep his guard up. His pace was slower than usual as he didn’t want to walk into something unexpected. That would be the worst-case scenario for him.
Ai pushed forward with these thoughts in the back of his head as he wasn’t going to allow that to stop him. He hesitated to grab his sister that day, and she wasn’t with him anymore, which bothered him every day. The young man kept moving as the tracks that he had found weren’t hard to follow. His path allowing him to find laughter coming not too far from him. He had come to a stop and he would crouch and slowly make his way to the end of the many brushes that were there. It was then, he would peek his head out slightly and everything was revealed to him.
There was a medium size camp right next to him, and there were a lot of men talking to each other. Tents were lined up next to each other as they were creating a circle. There were a bunch of crates placed in a certain area of the campsite. It wasn’t just that, but there were two paths that led into the campsites. In these two spots, there weren’t any tents located. The middle of the campsite was a big fire spot, where most of the men were located. There was another spot that had a bunch of cages with people inside of there. Ai had found the missing people, but none of these guys seem to be the man in charge here.
It was indeed the place he was looking for. How did he know? Well, men talking weren’t the only thing he was hearing, Ai also heard people crying and yelling for help, and other people yelling at them to shut their mouths, or they would sew it shut. Ai would have a disgusting taste in his mouth as he didn’t like this one bit. Still, he had to be patient, and he knew that he would stop all of this. Ai looked around at this point as he was looking for a vantage point on where he could scout the place and find the big honcho.
It wouldn’t take long, but the doctor had fully covered himself with the brush he was in as he had found what he was looking for. The route over to his vantage point would be a tricky part, but one that he needed to go through. There was a bunch of crates that he saw could keep him hidden, and at the same time, he would be able to keep an eye on the men there. Ai had moved from the brush as he would go around the camp, and he would see that the men in the camp were truly laidback. They didn’t think anybody would come to stop them from how they guarded this place. He ran inside the camp and towards the crates that he saw without stopping.
Ai would settle down on his hiding spot before he watched over the guys in this campsite to find out who he was going to attack and kill.
WC: 1070 TWC: 2885
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Round 1
Ai's Surprise attack
Ai is in his power stance and uses the following:
Ai uses No Hakai on Bennet [LT]
Ai uses Raundo Ki Tsu on Bennet [LT]
Ai uses Mage Kougeki [LT]
Ai uses in UT
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Ai's Surprise attack
Ai is in his power stance and uses the following:
Ai uses No Hakai on Bennet [LT]
Ai uses Raundo Ki Tsu on Bennet [LT]
Ai uses Mage Kougeki [LT]
Ai uses in UT
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
- NPCNPC
Tracker
Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1287
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
The member 'Ai' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 6, 20, 18, 8
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 12
#1 'Reflex Check' : 6, 20, 18, 8
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 12
- NPCNPC
Tracker
Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1287
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
The member 'Ai' has done the following action : Dice Roll
'Reflex Check' : 3
'Reflex Check' : 3
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Ai would observe the movements that came from the men that were in the campsite. The way they treated the prisoners were harsh, but they needed to endure it just a little bit longer. Ai would either become a prisoner as well or free them all. That was how he saw it and he hoped that it was the latter. Still, he could tell that none of these guys was the leader in the group. Their presence wasn't, so he continued to watch their movements. His fists clenched as he had to see the crappy stuff they did to those who were pleading for help, to be released, or even for food.
“They are going to regret doing anything they were doing today.” He said this to himself as he could hear a noise coming from one of the tents.
It wouldn’t take long, but soon enough he would see a huge muscular man with short black hair come out of the tent. He was shirtless and his face was filled with hair. He looked at the group of men by the fire as they all froze up and looked at their boss waiting for him to say something. This was perfect as that was probably the man he was looking for. Still, the presence and power that was coming from him were enormous. He looked down at his hands and legs and wondered if he would be able to pull it off. Well, he figured he could if he had lady luck on himself. Ai would wait though as he was looking for the perfect opportunity to attack without anybody getting in his way.
“Hehehehehe, you guys look like you’re enjoying your time here. We will be leaving soon though, we got everybody that we needed from the city, so there isn’t a need to stay here anymore. The boss will be happy with everyone that we are bringing to him.” He said to his men.
“We will create the ultimate chaos on this island and show the marines who are the top dogs around here.” He said out loud as his men cheered him on.
Ai would shake his head as they were against the marines, but they were going to do something horrible to these innocent people. The doctor wasn’t going to allow them to do anything to them and it was why he was here. The Alabastan could see that the big guy had sat down next to one of his men as he was facing towards the fire camp to get some heat from it. This was it and he was waiting for this moment and now was the time to strike. He had gotten out of his hiding spot and the young man rushed out at full sprint to the man he needed to defeat. Ai knew that with him gone, he would cut off the head of the snakes causing everything else to collapse on its own in the campsite.
The Doctor was quick on his feet as nobody was able to suspect that somebody knew what their plans were. He had stopped right behind Bennet, the leader of the group, and held his Jingu Bang in his hand. It was then that his right leg would rise from the ground as he would fully bring it towards the right side of the man. In an instant, he would feel the blow to his head, but it was not a strong blow, but it will do what was needed for the time being.
“No Hakai.” He simply said as he continued with his barrage of attacks.
Bennet’s neck would tilt towards his left shoulder, and Ai being quick on his feet would bring his right leg down and quickly tossing up his left leg to the other side of Bennet. This time he would hit the top of his skull, as he would hear a small crack coming from the blow and the grunt of the man as he was in pain from that blow.
“Raundo Ki Tsu.” He said with a serious look on his face.
At this point, Bennet was getting up from where he was sitting as fast as he could to see who the hell was attacking him, but the young man wasn’t going to let up with his attacks. He brought down his Jingu Bang as hard as he could on the man’s back and he would stumble forward as he would turn to see the seven-foot-tall tanned man.
“Mage Kougeki.” He landed his last technique on him that he created and learned throughout his training in Alabasta.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouted at Ai, as the doctor would move his right hand forward and palm strike Bennet on his abdomen, and caused the man to stumble a bit, but was meant to hurt him and distance himself from that man.
Ai wasn’t surprised that he was still standing, but it seemed like his men were surprised that this guy was crazy enough to attack their boss while they were all here. They got up, but quick enough the boss placed his arm out for them to stay out of this.
“He’s my prey, if anybody steps in right now I will take their head, you got that?” He said this as he picked up his feet and he rushed straight towards Ai.
He would close the distance between the two of them, and while Ai tried to dodge the first of his attacks, he wasn’t able to. Instead, the young man would feel the full force of both of his hands coming down from on top of his skull. His eyes would widen as he felt everything, but it wasn’t just that the man had shoulder attacked him right after as he was about to be sent flying. That was when he saw the man trying to grab him, but Ai crouched his leg towards his torso and hit the ground a few times before coming to a stop.
Ai would cough a bit as blood would come out from his mouth. This was interesting, and honestly, he didn’t think the man would be exactly this strong. The Alabastan would get up from the ground as his legs were shaking as things were going to get pretty rough around here now.
“I’m attacking you, what else do you think I’m doing. Let’s see if you could truly handle me one on one without the help of your men.” He said with a smirk on his face as he was lighting more fuel to the fire.
WC: 1102 TWC: 3987
“They are going to regret doing anything they were doing today.” He said this to himself as he could hear a noise coming from one of the tents.
It wouldn’t take long, but soon enough he would see a huge muscular man with short black hair come out of the tent. He was shirtless and his face was filled with hair. He looked at the group of men by the fire as they all froze up and looked at their boss waiting for him to say something. This was perfect as that was probably the man he was looking for. Still, the presence and power that was coming from him were enormous. He looked down at his hands and legs and wondered if he would be able to pull it off. Well, he figured he could if he had lady luck on himself. Ai would wait though as he was looking for the perfect opportunity to attack without anybody getting in his way.
“Hehehehehe, you guys look like you’re enjoying your time here. We will be leaving soon though, we got everybody that we needed from the city, so there isn’t a need to stay here anymore. The boss will be happy with everyone that we are bringing to him.” He said to his men.
“We will create the ultimate chaos on this island and show the marines who are the top dogs around here.” He said out loud as his men cheered him on.
Ai would shake his head as they were against the marines, but they were going to do something horrible to these innocent people. The doctor wasn’t going to allow them to do anything to them and it was why he was here. The Alabastan could see that the big guy had sat down next to one of his men as he was facing towards the fire camp to get some heat from it. This was it and he was waiting for this moment and now was the time to strike. He had gotten out of his hiding spot and the young man rushed out at full sprint to the man he needed to defeat. Ai knew that with him gone, he would cut off the head of the snakes causing everything else to collapse on its own in the campsite.
The Doctor was quick on his feet as nobody was able to suspect that somebody knew what their plans were. He had stopped right behind Bennet, the leader of the group, and held his Jingu Bang in his hand. It was then that his right leg would rise from the ground as he would fully bring it towards the right side of the man. In an instant, he would feel the blow to his head, but it was not a strong blow, but it will do what was needed for the time being.
“No Hakai.” He simply said as he continued with his barrage of attacks.
Bennet’s neck would tilt towards his left shoulder, and Ai being quick on his feet would bring his right leg down and quickly tossing up his left leg to the other side of Bennet. This time he would hit the top of his skull, as he would hear a small crack coming from the blow and the grunt of the man as he was in pain from that blow.
“Raundo Ki Tsu.” He said with a serious look on his face.
At this point, Bennet was getting up from where he was sitting as fast as he could to see who the hell was attacking him, but the young man wasn’t going to let up with his attacks. He brought down his Jingu Bang as hard as he could on the man’s back and he would stumble forward as he would turn to see the seven-foot-tall tanned man.
“Mage Kougeki.” He landed his last technique on him that he created and learned throughout his training in Alabasta.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” He shouted at Ai, as the doctor would move his right hand forward and palm strike Bennet on his abdomen, and caused the man to stumble a bit, but was meant to hurt him and distance himself from that man.
Ai wasn’t surprised that he was still standing, but it seemed like his men were surprised that this guy was crazy enough to attack their boss while they were all here. They got up, but quick enough the boss placed his arm out for them to stay out of this.
“He’s my prey, if anybody steps in right now I will take their head, you got that?” He said this as he picked up his feet and he rushed straight towards Ai.
He would close the distance between the two of them, and while Ai tried to dodge the first of his attacks, he wasn’t able to. Instead, the young man would feel the full force of both of his hands coming down from on top of his skull. His eyes would widen as he felt everything, but it wasn’t just that the man had shoulder attacked him right after as he was about to be sent flying. That was when he saw the man trying to grab him, but Ai crouched his leg towards his torso and hit the ground a few times before coming to a stop.
Ai would cough a bit as blood would come out from his mouth. This was interesting, and honestly, he didn’t think the man would be exactly this strong. The Alabastan would get up from the ground as his legs were shaking as things were going to get pretty rough around here now.
“I’m attacking you, what else do you think I’m doing. Let’s see if you could truly handle me one on one without the help of your men.” He said with a smirk on his face as he was lighting more fuel to the fire.
WC: 1102 TWC: 3987
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
HP: 114/150
ATK: 60*1.2 = 72
DEF: 25*.8 = 20+10 = 30
RX: 60
WP: 100
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
Ai vs. {Bennet}
RX%: 100%
DMG%: 96%
- USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI:
(List all techniques (including UTs), toggles, and types of haki used/activated this turn and their effects.)
TECHNIQUES
{No Hakai} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat Hybrid} | {4/-10% RX} | {Bennet}
{Raundo Ki Tsu} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {9} | {Bennet}
{Mage Kougeki} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {14} | {Bennet}
{UT} | {UT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {4} | {Bennet}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{Busoshoku} | {+10 to DEF}
- 1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{No Hakai} | {-10% RX} | {1/2}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
Busoshoku} | {+10 to DEF} | {1/2}
- 3 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 1 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
{Raundo Ki Tsu} | {1/2}
{Mage Kougeki} | {1/2}
{No Hakai} | {1/6}
HAKI
{Bousoshoku} | {1/10}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Bennet}
Level: 6
HP: 124/155
ATK: 55
DEF: 75
RX: 60*.1 = 6 60-6 = 54
WP: 110
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Bennet} vs. {Ai}
RX%: 90%
DMG%: 183%
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Bennet}
{LT} | {hit} | {18} | {Ai}
{LT} | {hit} | {18} | {Ai}
{UT} | {miss} | {damage/effect} | {target}
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Ai uses Kamigami Supido HT on himself buffing himself no roll needed
Ai uses Fēng yāsuō LT on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on AI
Ai uses Fēng yāsuō LT on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on AI
- NPCNPC
Tracker
Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1287
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
The member 'Ai' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 19, 1
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 2, 15
#1 'Reflex Check' : 19, 1
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 2, 15
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Ai could see that Bennet wasn’t happy with how things started, and honestly, he couldn’t blame him for it. That wasn’t just it, but his men were also angry that this weird dressed man had appeared in their camp. They had thought everything would be fine, and it was then they started wondering who could have leaked their location. They began talking amongst themselves trying to figure out who could it be, but they wouldn’t be able to find a culprit. Bennet didn’t care what was going with his men verbally, but he wanted this man to pay for sneaking up from behind him. He started running towards Ai as he was ready to destroy this man.
Ai cracked his neck when he saw the man rushing straight towards him, and he would acupuncture his abdomen at this point, as he could feel his muscles loosen up. It was at this point he had disappeared from his spot and would appear on Bennet’s right. His speed had become much faster than it was before and Bennet’s eyes widen when processed what was happening. The wind blew so hard that his men paused with what they were talking about to see what it was. When they saw that their boss was surprised, their jaws dropped at what happened next.
Even with Ai’s speed, Bennet knew what he needed to do. He wasn’t going to be able to dodge this kid’s attack, but if he had struck a blow to the Alabastan then it would make things easier. The bulky man’s hand was moving as quickly as he could move it. He was using his rib crusher attack on the kid and hoping it would land before Ai moved away.
The Doctor had his Jingu Bang out and he was using one of the techniques that he had developed with this weapon. He swung his Jingu Bang with such force that the wind could be seen surrounding the tip of the staff. A huge wind blast would blow up between Bennet, and Ai, and when Ai noticed what the man was doing it was too late. He felt the blow on his rib, which caused him to tilt his body in the direction where he was hit before he was launched away from Bennet. Bennet wasn’t safe either, landing the blow on the man worked, but he saw the compressed air attack moving straight towards him, and anybody who was looking at him could see how upset he was.
The attack would land on the man and the wind attack would explode, pushing the man away from where he was standing, and then after would soon feel his flesh being sliced open due to the attack. When it was all done, the man was seen with light cuts all over his body as he looked over to see how his opponent was doing.
Ai stopped himself from moving back any further as he planted his feet into the dirt as he looked over to Bennet. His right hand was on his left side of his abdomen as he didn’t like how hard this guy hit. That was when he felt that his ribs had been fractured as he started to cough out blood from his mouth. Bennet saw this as another chance to attack and with that, he rushed straight towards Ai and would go for a second rib crusher. Ai’s eyes widen when he saw the man approach him, and when he saw his fist getting close to him, he would elbow the man’s forearm hurting Bennet, and at the same time bringing the man to miss his attack.
Bennet with disgust would spit on the ground, but at the same time would land a hook on Ai’s face from the left side, which caused Ai to stumble to the side a bit as more blood could be seen coming out of his mouth. He shook his head from the hit as he couldn’t believe that he wasn’t having a hard time with someone who wasn’t a martial artist. Then again, he figured there were different types of fighters in this world that didn’t go through the same type of training he went through.
That was when he noticed something from his peripheral vision that someone from the crowd was scheming something. When he looked back it seemed like one of Bennet’s men had a gun pointed at Ai and shot at the man. He was able to barely dodge the shot as he threw himself on the ground, rolling on the floor before coming to a stop. Bennet heard the gunshot and he would look over to the man who did it with anger coursing through his body.
“What did I say?!” He shouted at the man who had shot at Ai.
The men that were there would be shaken by the sound that came from bennet, but before they could say anything Ai was on the move. He would appear in front of the man who shot at him and he would land three right kicks on the man’s side. One landed on the man’s left thigh, a second on his abdomen and the third landed on the man’s neck. It caused the man to be sent flying towards the other side of the camp as he was taken out with such basic hits. Ai would walk out of the crowd looking at Bennet with a serious look on his face.
“Hope you don’t mind that I took out one of your guys. He shot at me, and that was enough for me to make sure that I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t do it again.” He said as he coughed up more blood from his ribs being damaged.
Bennet was surprised that he took the initiative to do what he had done to one of his guys. He was planning on doing it himself, but it was too late.
“No, not at all. Those who don’t follow orders don’t need to be following me. Still, you do know once I take you out that you will be used in the experiments we have planned for those people in the cage.” He said to Ai as he figured the man knew what kind of plan they had going on for the captured people.
“I see, and I don’t think I’ll be joining you guys to your destination. Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah.” He laughed when he said this as he was hurting and was attempting to ready for himself with any hits Bennet might throw at him.
WC: 1098 TWC: 5085
Ai cracked his neck when he saw the man rushing straight towards him, and he would acupuncture his abdomen at this point, as he could feel his muscles loosen up. It was at this point he had disappeared from his spot and would appear on Bennet’s right. His speed had become much faster than it was before and Bennet’s eyes widen when processed what was happening. The wind blew so hard that his men paused with what they were talking about to see what it was. When they saw that their boss was surprised, their jaws dropped at what happened next.
Even with Ai’s speed, Bennet knew what he needed to do. He wasn’t going to be able to dodge this kid’s attack, but if he had struck a blow to the Alabastan then it would make things easier. The bulky man’s hand was moving as quickly as he could move it. He was using his rib crusher attack on the kid and hoping it would land before Ai moved away.
The Doctor had his Jingu Bang out and he was using one of the techniques that he had developed with this weapon. He swung his Jingu Bang with such force that the wind could be seen surrounding the tip of the staff. A huge wind blast would blow up between Bennet, and Ai, and when Ai noticed what the man was doing it was too late. He felt the blow on his rib, which caused him to tilt his body in the direction where he was hit before he was launched away from Bennet. Bennet wasn’t safe either, landing the blow on the man worked, but he saw the compressed air attack moving straight towards him, and anybody who was looking at him could see how upset he was.
The attack would land on the man and the wind attack would explode, pushing the man away from where he was standing, and then after would soon feel his flesh being sliced open due to the attack. When it was all done, the man was seen with light cuts all over his body as he looked over to see how his opponent was doing.
Ai stopped himself from moving back any further as he planted his feet into the dirt as he looked over to Bennet. His right hand was on his left side of his abdomen as he didn’t like how hard this guy hit. That was when he felt that his ribs had been fractured as he started to cough out blood from his mouth. Bennet saw this as another chance to attack and with that, he rushed straight towards Ai and would go for a second rib crusher. Ai’s eyes widen when he saw the man approach him, and when he saw his fist getting close to him, he would elbow the man’s forearm hurting Bennet, and at the same time bringing the man to miss his attack.
Bennet with disgust would spit on the ground, but at the same time would land a hook on Ai’s face from the left side, which caused Ai to stumble to the side a bit as more blood could be seen coming out of his mouth. He shook his head from the hit as he couldn’t believe that he wasn’t having a hard time with someone who wasn’t a martial artist. Then again, he figured there were different types of fighters in this world that didn’t go through the same type of training he went through.
That was when he noticed something from his peripheral vision that someone from the crowd was scheming something. When he looked back it seemed like one of Bennet’s men had a gun pointed at Ai and shot at the man. He was able to barely dodge the shot as he threw himself on the ground, rolling on the floor before coming to a stop. Bennet heard the gunshot and he would look over to the man who did it with anger coursing through his body.
“What did I say?!” He shouted at the man who had shot at Ai.
The men that were there would be shaken by the sound that came from bennet, but before they could say anything Ai was on the move. He would appear in front of the man who shot at him and he would land three right kicks on the man’s side. One landed on the man’s left thigh, a second on his abdomen and the third landed on the man’s neck. It caused the man to be sent flying towards the other side of the camp as he was taken out with such basic hits. Ai would walk out of the crowd looking at Bennet with a serious look on his face.
“Hope you don’t mind that I took out one of your guys. He shot at me, and that was enough for me to make sure that I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t do it again.” He said as he coughed up more blood from his ribs being damaged.
Bennet was surprised that he took the initiative to do what he had done to one of his guys. He was planning on doing it himself, but it was too late.
“No, not at all. Those who don’t follow orders don’t need to be following me. Still, you do know once I take you out that you will be used in the experiments we have planned for those people in the cage.” He said to Ai as he figured the man knew what kind of plan they had going on for the captured people.
“I see, and I don’t think I’ll be joining you guys to your destination. Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah.” He laughed when he said this as he was hurting and was attempting to ready for himself with any hits Bennet might throw at him.
WC: 1098 TWC: 5085
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
HP: 87/150
ATK: 60*1.2 = 72
DEF: 25*.8 = 20+10 = 30
RX: 60*1.75 = 105
WP: 100
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
Ai vs. {Bennet}
RX%: 194%
DMG%: 96%
- USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI:
(List all techniques (including UTs), toggles, and types of haki used/activated this turn and their effects.)
TECHNIQUES
{Kamigami Supido} | {HT} | {hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+75% RX} | {Ai}
{Feng Yasuo} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {9} | {Bennet}
{UT} | {UT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {4} | {Bennet}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{Busoshoku} | {+10 to DEF}
- 1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{No Hakai} | {-10% RX} | {2/2}
{Kamigami Supido} | {+75% RX} | {1/4}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
Busoshoku} | {+10 to DEF} | {2/2}
- 3 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 1 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
{Raundo Ki Tsu} | {2/2}
{Mage Kougeki} | {2/2}
{No Hakai} | {2/6}
{Kamigami Supido} | {1/12}
{Feng Yasuo} | {1/2}
HAKI
{Bousoshoku} | {2/10}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Bennet}
Level: 6
HP: 111/155
ATK: 55
DEF: 75
RX: 60*.1 = 6 60-6 = 54
WP: 110
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Bennet} vs. {Ai}
RX%: 51%
DMG%: 183%
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Bennet}
{LT} | {hit} | {18} | {Ai}
{LT} | {miss} | {} | {Ai}
{UT} | {hit} | {9} | {target}
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Ai uses Tsuyosa Point MT on himself no roll needed
Ai uses No Hakai LT on Bennet
Ai uses Mage Kougeki LT on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on Ai
Ai uses No Hakai LT on Bennet
Ai uses Mage Kougeki LT on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on Ai
- NPCNPC
Tracker
Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1287
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
The member 'Ai' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 7, 3, 9
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 7, 15, 14
#1 'Reflex Check' : 7, 3, 9
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 7, 15, 14
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
OOC: I rolled for No Hakai, but I had forgotten that Flat Hybrid attacks have a higher cooldown than others, so I'm using another LT In its place that I have off cooldown. Also, the attack did hit, and that is why I just used a stat morph on myself instead. Sorry about that, still in the learning process of CD and stuff.
Ai, and Bennet were ready to continue their battle as they both stared down at each other. They both would make their strides towards each other and once they were close to each other the fight continued. The doctor had planted his foot onto the ground first, which brought him to raised his right knee up into the air towards Bennet’s face. The man could see this and he would block the attack with his hands, and after that, he would try to land a big boot straight into the Alabastan. Still, it would go through as he would be able to land on the ground and quickly parry the attack with his Jingu Bang. Both parties continued their assault on each other, but couldn’t do anything, which brought them to move back from each other.
The Doctor would look at this guy’s men and wondered if he could trust them not to make a move on him while his back was turned. It seemed like one guy couldn’t be trusted, and he got the worst of it, so he hoped that others understood the room. Ai figured he would bring out all of his power due to seeing that this guy was able to take hits after hits without a problem. The tall man would press his fingers into his shoulders as he was using a form of acupuncture on himself and it would cause his muscles to relax, yet at the same time, he would feel much stronger than he was before[MT][Tsuyosa Pointo].
When Bennet had noticed what Ai was doing, he would take the opportunity to get close once again and tried his best to get this kid where he wanted. When the young man was done, he would notice that Bennet was right in front of him. His Horus had reacted to the first attack, which brought his mantle to wrap itself around his body to help Ai react faster than before[LT][Horus Feixing]. This allowed the young man to move faster than he did before, which he was able to jump back a bit to avoid the first hit from Bennet.
While moving back though, Ai felt a sudden pull towards Bennet, and when he took a look the man had grabbed a hold of his arm while he was moving back. Ai’s eyes widen when he saw this as he could feel himself being unable to get out of his grasp for the moment. It was then Bennet’s other hand was coming straight towards Ai without him being able to do anything right now. The hook would land straight into Ai’s chest, which would cause the man to gasp for air as he couldn’t believe what was going on. That hit felt harder than anything he had been hit before, which made him wondered if his body had stopped trying to protect itself.
It was then he would notice that Bennet was going for a second attack, and Ai needed a way to stop it. The doctor would lift his head back and then swing it downward. The impact of the two connecting with their attacks was crazy as Bennet could feel his fist fracturing, but not before cutting Ai open a bit on the forehead[UT][UT]. When that had happen, Ai noticed that it was still not enough to get him from holding him with his other hand. Ai took his free hand, which held Jingu Bang swung it with all of his might down onto the top of Bennet’s head.
“Mage Kougeki[LT].” He said as his staff would slam into the top of Bennet’s head making a large crunching noise.
It was then Bennet’s men would hear him screaming as he let go of Ai’s arm and grasped his whole head as he stumbled back a bit. The guys were worried about what happened and wondered they should interfere with the fight. He glared at all of them as he wasn’t going to allow them to interfere, and when they saw the death stared, they remembered what would happen if they tried anything stupid. Bennet would continue to hold his head as would finally be able to open his eyes and look at Ai in the face.
His own face was red as a cherry and the veins that appeared on his head were everywhere. He would shake his head as he looked at Ai and slowly placing his hands down to the side.
“I’m going to kill you for that! At first, I was going to be happy seeing you be experimented on, but now I think I might change my mind. You shook it quite a bit, so I’m second-guessing what might happen, so prepare yourself, skinny boy.” He said to Ai as he was going to go after him again.
Ai would grab his staff as he figured he would have to go all out to stop him from hurting him even more.
WC: 822 TWC: 5907
Ai, and Bennet were ready to continue their battle as they both stared down at each other. They both would make their strides towards each other and once they were close to each other the fight continued. The doctor had planted his foot onto the ground first, which brought him to raised his right knee up into the air towards Bennet’s face. The man could see this and he would block the attack with his hands, and after that, he would try to land a big boot straight into the Alabastan. Still, it would go through as he would be able to land on the ground and quickly parry the attack with his Jingu Bang. Both parties continued their assault on each other, but couldn’t do anything, which brought them to move back from each other.
The Doctor would look at this guy’s men and wondered if he could trust them not to make a move on him while his back was turned. It seemed like one guy couldn’t be trusted, and he got the worst of it, so he hoped that others understood the room. Ai figured he would bring out all of his power due to seeing that this guy was able to take hits after hits without a problem. The tall man would press his fingers into his shoulders as he was using a form of acupuncture on himself and it would cause his muscles to relax, yet at the same time, he would feel much stronger than he was before[MT][Tsuyosa Pointo].
When Bennet had noticed what Ai was doing, he would take the opportunity to get close once again and tried his best to get this kid where he wanted. When the young man was done, he would notice that Bennet was right in front of him. His Horus had reacted to the first attack, which brought his mantle to wrap itself around his body to help Ai react faster than before[LT][Horus Feixing]. This allowed the young man to move faster than he did before, which he was able to jump back a bit to avoid the first hit from Bennet.
While moving back though, Ai felt a sudden pull towards Bennet, and when he took a look the man had grabbed a hold of his arm while he was moving back. Ai’s eyes widen when he saw this as he could feel himself being unable to get out of his grasp for the moment. It was then Bennet’s other hand was coming straight towards Ai without him being able to do anything right now. The hook would land straight into Ai’s chest, which would cause the man to gasp for air as he couldn’t believe what was going on. That hit felt harder than anything he had been hit before, which made him wondered if his body had stopped trying to protect itself.
It was then he would notice that Bennet was going for a second attack, and Ai needed a way to stop it. The doctor would lift his head back and then swing it downward. The impact of the two connecting with their attacks was crazy as Bennet could feel his fist fracturing, but not before cutting Ai open a bit on the forehead[UT][UT]. When that had happen, Ai noticed that it was still not enough to get him from holding him with his other hand. Ai took his free hand, which held Jingu Bang swung it with all of his might down onto the top of Bennet’s head.
“Mage Kougeki[LT].” He said as his staff would slam into the top of Bennet’s head making a large crunching noise.
It was then Bennet’s men would hear him screaming as he let go of Ai’s arm and grasped his whole head as he stumbled back a bit. The guys were worried about what happened and wondered they should interfere with the fight. He glared at all of them as he wasn’t going to allow them to interfere, and when they saw the death stared, they remembered what would happen if they tried anything stupid. Bennet would continue to hold his head as would finally be able to open his eyes and look at Ai in the face.
His own face was red as a cherry and the veins that appeared on his head were everywhere. He would shake his head as he looked at Ai and slowly placing his hands down to the side.
“I’m going to kill you for that! At first, I was going to be happy seeing you be experimented on, but now I think I might change my mind. You shook it quite a bit, so I’m second-guessing what might happen, so prepare yourself, skinny boy.” He said to Ai as he was going to go after him again.
Ai would grab his staff as he figured he would have to go all out to stop him from hurting him even more.
WC: 822 TWC: 5907
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
HP: 47/150
ATK: 60*1.2 = 72*1.5 = 108
DEF: 25*.8 = 20
RX: 60*1.75 = 105*1.25 = 131
WP: 100
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
Ai vs. {Bennet}
RX%: 218%
DMG%: 144%
- USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:
(List all techniques (including UTs), toggles, and types of haki used/activated this turn and their effects.)
TECHNIQUES
{Horus Fēixíng} | {LT} | {hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+25% RX} | {Ai}
{Tsuyosa Pointo} | {MT} | {hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+50% ATK} | {Ai}
{Mage Kougeki} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {14} | {Bennet}
{UT} | {UT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {7} | {Bennet}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{} | {}
- 3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{Tsuyosa Pointo} | {+50% ATK} | {1/3}
{Kamigami Supido} | {+75% RX} | {2/4}
{Horus Feixing} | {+25% RX} | {1/2}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{} | {} | {}
- 5 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 1 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
{Mage Kougeki} | {1/2}
{No Hakai} | {3/6}
{Kamigami Supido} | {2/12}
{Horus Feixing} | {1/6}
{Tsuyosa Pointo} | {1/9}
HAKI
{Bousoshoku} | {3/10}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Bennet}
Level: 6
HP: 90/155
ATK: 55
DEF: 75
RX: 60
WP: 110
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Bennet} vs. {Ai}
RX%: 45%
DMG%: 275%
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Bennet}
{LT} | {miss} | {} | {Ai}
{LT} | {hit} | {27} | {Ai}
{UT} | {hit} | {13} | {Ai}
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Ai uses Hebi O Mu Sa Boru on Bennet
Ai uses Raundo Ki Tsu on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on Ai
Ai uses Raundo Ki Tsu on Bennet
Ai uses UT on Bennet
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses LT on Ai
Bennet uses UT on Ai
- NPCNPC
Tracker
Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1287
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
The member 'Ai' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 19, 14, 1
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 8, 6, 17
#1 'Reflex Check' : 19, 14, 1
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 8, 6, 17
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
Things were getting tensed with everything between the two. The cage that had the prisoners inside were all against the bars as they were watching the fight between the two. They were cheering on the unknown civilian that had come to their rescue. They didn’t know what he had planned for them, but could it be worse to stay with these guys? They weren’t sure, but they had to take a chance. The men surrounding the two were worried that things might not go the way they thought they were.
Bennet in anger started making his way towards Ai, and it looked like he was going to go at him in full force. The man started launching barrages of punches at the Alabastan without hesitating, but all he would punch was the air, or on the ground, which Ai would be surprised to see the destruction that was left by his attacks.
“The destructions from his attacks are crazy. I’m glad he didn’t hit me with everything that he used or else I would be a goner, but right now it’s time to end this with something that master taught me.” He said this to himself as he had landed on the ground as he could see that Bennet was ready to run towards him again.
He would plant his feet on the ground as he figured that he would have to go on the offense eventually, so he might as well do something right now. When Bennet got close to him, Ai would lift his right leg ready to attack with it.
“Raundo Ki Tsu[LT].” He said simply said this as his shin would connect with Bennet’s head.
This would shock Bennet with the contact that he felt resonating through his body. He had stopped his movements when he felt the pain as he was looking at Ai. Of course, the young man wasn’t done as he would move his left leg[UT] and thrust it into Bennet’s chest before he pushed away from him and caused the man to stumble back at the same time. The Doctor would land on the ground on both feet as he would exhale the oxygen that was in him. He would gather his composure as he was getting ready to finish this off.
Bennet would shake his head and he needed to do something to this guy or he was really going to lose. He felt himself getting weaker and the constant attacks from this guy had damaged his body. The bruising, the blood he had spat out were just the scars from the battle today. The aura around Ai would become darker than it ever did before. His eyes focus while he looked at Bennet. He had placed himself in his power stance once again as he would gather the power he needed for his attack. The big bulky man was about to run straight towards the tanned man, but he stopped when he noticed the aura was no laughing matter.
It was then the ground around Ai would break around him as if his legs had gain weight and pressure. A huge snake would wrap itself around Ai’s right leg was on his head was on his shoulder.
“Hebi O Mu Sa Boru[HT].” He said this as he would toss a high kick into the air pointing in the direction of Bennet.
The snake would leave Ai’s body and it would soar straight towards Bennet at a speed that the man couldn’t avoid. His arms would stretch out from the force as he could only shake his head and his face was filled with disappointment. The last attack was enough to drop the man on the floor as his men gathered around to see that he was finished and they had lost. They all looked at Ai at this point, and he looked over to them as he got into his fighting stance as he knew that this had just begun.
“I thought they would scatter after I beat him, but it seemed like they gathered around and are ready to take my head off. I guess it’s time to take them all out, which I was planning on doing anyway.” He said to himself as he rushed straight towards them.
The distance between them would close in an instant as he would have a smile on his face as they would look at him with anger on their face.
“I heard what you guys said earlier, so I’m going to cut this short. I’m not allowing anybody here to leave. After what you guys did to these innocent people why would I.” He said this as he would thrust a kick right into the abdomen of one of the guys in his sight.
That person would drop to the ground without a fight as he was done for. The other group of men would start running straight towards Ai trying to attack him, but failing to do so. Ai would wave at the group of people in the cage before going to work. The Doctor would look at the group of men who had just attacked him and started moving towards each of them. His footwork was amazing as he would rapidly launch different types of kicks onto several of the men that were there. These men would fall to the ground when they were hit with his attacks as they were nothing like Bennet.
Ai would relieve the air out of him as he would turn to look at the few men that were still standing. This time instead of attacking they were more worried about their own life and how they were planning on escaping from the situation they were in. He waited for them to do something, when he saw that one of them was getting ready to run, Ai would shake his head as he would laugh a bit before he continued his onslaught.
It would take a few minutes, but Ai would soon come to a finish as he took out the group of men that were in this camp. They were all done for as they were on the floor lifeless as he would clap his hands together as he would look through the bodies as he was looking for the keys to the cages. The Alabastan would make his way to the cages as he would open them all up and he would also unlock the cuffs that were on the captured people. They would all cheer from excitement with their freedom being obtained again. They would ask him if there was anything they could do for him and he could only smile at them.
“If you could please not get captured again, live your life freely without allowing anybody to dictate your lives. Also, let me check up on you guys when we get back to the city. I’m a doctor after all.” He said to them as they would nod in agreeing to his terms.
Ai and the group would make it back to the city, the men at the gates of the city would be surprised to see that there were many people outside of the city. They would allow themselves to be checked by Ai and he could see that they were all fine. There were people with bad immune systems amongst them, but he would give them something to take to make them better. In the shadows, though, someone was looking at Ai and the group. They had arrived too late to the campsite, and reporting that their test subjects were not secure. There was a secret within the island, and Ai would soon find out more about them if he stood on Flevance.
WC: 1286 TWC: 7193
[EXIT]
Bennet in anger started making his way towards Ai, and it looked like he was going to go at him in full force. The man started launching barrages of punches at the Alabastan without hesitating, but all he would punch was the air, or on the ground, which Ai would be surprised to see the destruction that was left by his attacks.
“The destructions from his attacks are crazy. I’m glad he didn’t hit me with everything that he used or else I would be a goner, but right now it’s time to end this with something that master taught me.” He said this to himself as he had landed on the ground as he could see that Bennet was ready to run towards him again.
He would plant his feet on the ground as he figured that he would have to go on the offense eventually, so he might as well do something right now. When Bennet got close to him, Ai would lift his right leg ready to attack with it.
“Raundo Ki Tsu[LT].” He said simply said this as his shin would connect with Bennet’s head.
This would shock Bennet with the contact that he felt resonating through his body. He had stopped his movements when he felt the pain as he was looking at Ai. Of course, the young man wasn’t done as he would move his left leg[UT] and thrust it into Bennet’s chest before he pushed away from him and caused the man to stumble back at the same time. The Doctor would land on the ground on both feet as he would exhale the oxygen that was in him. He would gather his composure as he was getting ready to finish this off.
Bennet would shake his head and he needed to do something to this guy or he was really going to lose. He felt himself getting weaker and the constant attacks from this guy had damaged his body. The bruising, the blood he had spat out were just the scars from the battle today. The aura around Ai would become darker than it ever did before. His eyes focus while he looked at Bennet. He had placed himself in his power stance once again as he would gather the power he needed for his attack. The big bulky man was about to run straight towards the tanned man, but he stopped when he noticed the aura was no laughing matter.
It was then the ground around Ai would break around him as if his legs had gain weight and pressure. A huge snake would wrap itself around Ai’s right leg was on his head was on his shoulder.
“Hebi O Mu Sa Boru[HT].” He said this as he would toss a high kick into the air pointing in the direction of Bennet.
The snake would leave Ai’s body and it would soar straight towards Bennet at a speed that the man couldn’t avoid. His arms would stretch out from the force as he could only shake his head and his face was filled with disappointment. The last attack was enough to drop the man on the floor as his men gathered around to see that he was finished and they had lost. They all looked at Ai at this point, and he looked over to them as he got into his fighting stance as he knew that this had just begun.
“I thought they would scatter after I beat him, but it seemed like they gathered around and are ready to take my head off. I guess it’s time to take them all out, which I was planning on doing anyway.” He said to himself as he rushed straight towards them.
The distance between them would close in an instant as he would have a smile on his face as they would look at him with anger on their face.
“I heard what you guys said earlier, so I’m going to cut this short. I’m not allowing anybody here to leave. After what you guys did to these innocent people why would I.” He said this as he would thrust a kick right into the abdomen of one of the guys in his sight.
That person would drop to the ground without a fight as he was done for. The other group of men would start running straight towards Ai trying to attack him, but failing to do so. Ai would wave at the group of people in the cage before going to work. The Doctor would look at the group of men who had just attacked him and started moving towards each of them. His footwork was amazing as he would rapidly launch different types of kicks onto several of the men that were there. These men would fall to the ground when they were hit with his attacks as they were nothing like Bennet.
Ai would relieve the air out of him as he would turn to look at the few men that were still standing. This time instead of attacking they were more worried about their own life and how they were planning on escaping from the situation they were in. He waited for them to do something, when he saw that one of them was getting ready to run, Ai would shake his head as he would laugh a bit before he continued his onslaught.
It would take a few minutes, but Ai would soon come to a finish as he took out the group of men that were in this camp. They were all done for as they were on the floor lifeless as he would clap his hands together as he would look through the bodies as he was looking for the keys to the cages. The Alabastan would make his way to the cages as he would open them all up and he would also unlock the cuffs that were on the captured people. They would all cheer from excitement with their freedom being obtained again. They would ask him if there was anything they could do for him and he could only smile at them.
“If you could please not get captured again, live your life freely without allowing anybody to dictate your lives. Also, let me check up on you guys when we get back to the city. I’m a doctor after all.” He said to them as they would nod in agreeing to his terms.
Ai and the group would make it back to the city, the men at the gates of the city would be surprised to see that there were many people outside of the city. They would allow themselves to be checked by Ai and he could see that they were all fine. There were people with bad immune systems amongst them, but he would give them something to take to make them better. In the shadows, though, someone was looking at Ai and the group. They had arrived too late to the campsite, and reporting that their test subjects were not secure. There was a secret within the island, and Ai would soon find out more about them if he stood on Flevance.
WC: 1286 TWC: 7193
[EXIT]
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
HP: 47/150
ATK: 60*1.2 = 72*1.5 = 108
DEF: 25*.8 = 20
RX: 60*1.75 = 105*1.25 = 131
WP: 100
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
Ai vs. {Bennet}
RX%: 218%
DMG%: 144%
- USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:
(List all techniques (including UTs), toggles, and types of haki used/activated this turn and their effects.)
TECHNIQUES
{Hebi O Mu Sa Boru} | {HT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {72} | {Bennet}
{Raundo Ki Tsu} | {LT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {14} | {Bennet}
{UT} | {UT} | {hit} | {Flat} | {7} | {Bennet}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{} | {}
- 3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{Tsuyosa Pointo} | {+50% ATK} | {2/3}
{Kamigami Supido} | {+75% RX} | {3/4}
{Horus Feixing} | {+25% RX} | {2/2}
TOGGLES
{Power Stance} | {+20% ATK, -20% DEF}
HAKI
{} | {} | {}
- 7 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 1 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
{Mage Kougeki} | {2/2}
{No Hakai} | {4/6}
{Kamigami Supido} | {3/12}
{Horus Feixing} | {2/6}
{Tsuyosa Pointo} | {2/9}
{Hebi O Mu Sa Boru} {1/6}
{Raundo Ki Tsu} {1/2}
HAKI
{Bousoshoku} | {4/10}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Bennet}
Level: 6
HP: -3/155
ATK: 55
DEF: 75
RX: 60
WP: 110
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Bennet} vs. {Ai}
RX%: 45%
DMG%: 275%
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Bennet}
{LT} | {miss} | {} | {Ai}
{LT} | {miss} | {} | {Ai}
{UT} | {hit} | {13} | {Ai}
- Gray
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3928
Re: [Episode] Darkness Within the White Kingdom
![This post has in-line assessment comments.](https://i.servimg.com/u/f60/18/75/26/17/clipbo10.png)
GRADING
COMMENTS
Ai D. Kirai+ [...as he followed a certain man who had a rather weird look to them.] [... but the weird looking man would lead him to a brothel after all...] Don't be afraid to use synonyms or variations for adjectives when describing characters. Using the same words—especially adjectives—near each other can become repetitive. In the latter mention of the "weird-looking man", "strange" could have worked better.
+ [The young man would have his mantel wrapped...] [The Doctor would keep his pace steady...] You use "would" a lot when describing the action your character is performing. Whenever you do this, your characters' actions read like hypotheses. Using hypothetical clauses is only acceptable when you're directly interacting with another player character and you're uncertain of their reactions. For all other actions, you should avoid hypotheses. (e.g. "The young man would have his mantel wrapped..." should be written as "The young man wrapped his mantle...")
Writing in the hypothetical conditional form can also leave the reader confused. They may unconsciously wait for an "if" in your sentence which will never come.
+ [...as he figured she would be the one to get him the ladies that he wanted.] I think the word you didn't know you were looking for here is "madam".
+ The dialogue feels a bit awkward at times. You should give more consideration to the characters' personalities, professions, and the surrounding circumstances when writing dialogue. Brothels are very much a place of information trading as you noted. But, that information usually comes at an extra cost. It would've been more believable if the prostitutes tried to siphon more money out of Ai when he asked them for details about the rumours. They do have a business to run, after all.
+ Overall, your grammar is fairly solid. But, I still noticed frequent weirdly worded sentences like this: [Rumors are being spread around these areas about how people who are have had bad immune systems have been taken from their homes and disappeared from the city.] This is especially common in dialogue.
+ Do your best to be consistent with the use of contractions in dialogue. [Yes, they are taking these people...] [...because I don’t think anybody deserves...] Note how one place uses a contraction and one does not. This is coming from the same person. When writing a character, it's best to stay consistent with their form of speech. But, of course, if they are in a different setting and speaking to a different person, the way they talk may change.
+ [The girls that he was with had given him enough information to be able to find what he was looking for. He knew from their information that if he brought this information to someone that they would just ignore it.] Be careful about redundant sentences and repeating words. The first sentence was unnecessary in this case and could've easily had its information delivered through the second sentence.
+ [This situation reminded him of his own past and how he was forced out of his home because of who he was.] That's a bit of a stretch. There are few similarities, if any, between this situation and his past.
+ [He had a smile on his face as he thought he had made a good plan, but it was a foolish plan indeed.] I'm glad the narrator is aware of how foolish that plan is. LOL.
+ Ai leaving the city of Flevance and following some arbitrary "tracks" to find his target made absolutely no sense.
+ [Ai pushed forward with these thoughts in the back of his head as he wasn’t going to allow that to stop him. He hesitated to grab his sister that day, and she wasn’t with him anymore, which bothered him every day.] This is random and out of place. You have to justify heavy emotional thoughts in some manner. Linger on them longer if you must in order to express the exact effect they have on Ai.
+ Good work with setting up the combat trackers - especially considering this was your first time! I didn't spot any mistakes besides the one you already accounted for.
+ [Bennet’s neck would tilt towards his left shoulder, and Ai being quick on his feet would bring his right leg down and quickly tossing up his left leg to the other side of Bennet.] Like we talked about, you don't need to do the whole "right side" "left side" thing on RevDawn during combat. Those are entirely unnecessary details that serve only to drag out a scene.
+ [This time he would hit the top of his skull, as he would hear a small crack coming from the blow and the grunt of the man as he was in pain from that blow.] You tend to include redundant details when describing a character's reactions. "The grunt of the man" is enough for the reader to figure out that the man is in pain.
+ [At this point, Bennet was getting up from where he was sitting as fast as he could to see who the hell was attacking him] Say what? How is he still sitting after taking two solid hits?
+ [“I’m attacking you, what else do you think I’m doing. Let’s see if you could truly handle me one on one without the help of your men.”] Ai isn't very good at tossing one-liners, is he?
Most of your quest word count was spent on the combat portion - which would be okay if it contained good character development and interesting dialogue or personality conflicts. Interesting combat is hard to right. My advice is that you spend more of your word quota on actual plot development, and less on the padded filler that is combat.
This episode's plot was a little too rudimentary. There is no subtle buildup to the overarching conflict. You should strive to hint at the problems your character is trying to solve in more ways than just "I heard two people talking about it". More interactions with the victims of the problem would also result in higher stakes to invest the reader. I realise this episode is supposed to connect to later plots, but, even so, each quest should be a self-contained story to a degree. Meaning, it needs to have an interesting beginning, middle, and end that ties itself together for the most part.
REWARDS
Ai D. Kirai
Difficulty Bonus: +25% (+1)
Quality Bonus: +50% (B)
Length Bonus: 1.44 (7,193 words)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +0%
EXP: 127 1.44*[50 + 25%(50) + 50%(50) + 0%(50)]
Berries: 630,000 1.44*[250k*1 + 25%(250k*1) + 50%(250k*1) + 0%(250k*1)]
Bounty: 0 | {Ai did not commit any actions which would net him a bounty.}
Old EXP: 100
Updated EXP: 227
Old balance: 13,050,000
Updated balance: 13,680,000
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