[Episode] Sea Anemone of My Enemy

+ [Only their impeccably groomed moustaches set them apart, pointy and twirly respectively.] What's a conductor without a good moustache, eh?

+ [Sadly, the rat had missed the rest of the exchange. He was long gone by now.] "He was long gone by then." I know, I'm two years late on this comment. But, would I be me if I didn't pick on something?

+ [Today just wasn’t his day.] At least his morning started out pleasantly.

+ [“Tell me, boys, any avid readers among us? Anybody here familiar with the book Dr. Kureha and Mr. Tony?”] Now, now. Just where did Maxwell get his hands on such a heretical book? The World Government wants to know your location.

+ [[LT - Tent-A-Tackle] It tackled him to the ground and started quickly wrapping around him. [LT - Grabbity Squeeze] [UT] A panicked shriek hitched in his throat. He had read enough sailor stories to know where this was going...] At least you didn't call it "Hent-A-Tackle" then.

+ [Bluish blood sprayed.] That must be quite a privileged octopus.

+ [Sidestepping several slams, he snuck closer like it was a dance. Waltz to be exact. Jana’s favorite...] It's not often that you mention the doctor's ex-wife in your threads (at least not that I can recall). Seeing this pleases me.

+ [...while their leader was still ranting about killing him so hard that he would die to death.] Salty Sam does have a way with words.

+ [He wasn’t much of a fighter, he knew that better than anyone. Having an expert on bloody murder in his corner would come in handy.] Well played, sir.

+ [It actually took effort to clamp his mouth shut there. The sensation was quite similar to forcefully closing a rusty valve.] I always love your similes and metaphors.

+ [However, one detail nagged at the doctor. Warily he glanced over his shoulder, grimacing at the tiered city behind them. A fall from that height should’ve broken his legs... Or torn a couple of ligaments at the very least... Yet here he was, running without so much as a limp.

No, this wasn’t right...

While years of the best medical care illegal money could buy had made the man heartier than average civilians, he was no superhuman. Or he didn’t consider himself one at least. He wasn’t some cartoon character from a News Coo comic, who could leap from buildings without a scratch. So how...? Tch, no, not the time. He could run a proper self-physical later...] I'm curious to know where you're going with this.

+ I really liked the introduction and description of pirates in the first post.

+ [...a massive void of physical forms flooded out into the docks...] I'm not sure this means what you may have wanted it to meant. Unless they were all wearing black or something.

+ [The male grunted to himself for a moment, thinking about where exactly he wanted to go, before opting to simply allow his feet to guide him. His aimless waltz found the snow-haired brute within unfamiliar company. Callous and horrendous eyes piercing into the void of humanity and seeking out a face clearly recognized, though never directly encountered. He had heard tale of his own ascension within the pirating world, claiming a spot among the supernova. To that end, he had never seen nor met another one in person. Especially given the fact that he kept to his crew for the most part. He had walked for what seemed like forever, just to now be stopped dead in his tracks by an individual that, admittedly, seemed preoccupied with their surroundings opposed to himself. His concentration on this random element would find itself broken however, once an amphibious bloke would shoulder check him, snarling and walking past with menace. It was....strange...he never felt that before.] I'm sure this has improved later in the thread, but, you had the tendency to bloat your narration with unnecessarily complicated language. It makes it difficult to follow what's actually happening. This post was especially frustrating to read. Doubly so due to the unusual number of grammatical errors.

+ [...before his eyes would bare over towards some weird ass marine whom was whipping people like a dominatrix.] LOL. As usual, the sass is wonderful.

+ [Were these fish sticks really going to try and take on Brood X. Bach so recklessly... Brood would showcase his unusually superior attack potential almost instantly... Brood himself had quite the wanted poster himself... He didn't see a reason to unleash the full fury of his abilities, choosing instead to utilize only a fraction of his overwhelming physical ability... To put it bluntly, few individuals living today could achieve as much as Brood could, not that he cared all that much...] Too much autofellatio can't be good for you, bro.

+ [No matter how you sliced it, he was an dangerous individual. Worthy of his reputation.] I believe I've noticed this before, but, I may be imagining it. Your usage of articles (a/an) seems to ignore adjectives. In this case, you seem to be using "an" because the noun that follows is "individual", which starts with a vowel sound. It should be "a dangerous individual" because you should be taking adjectives into account.

For an explanation on this, check out this article (no pun intended): https://www.businesswritingblog.com/business_writing/2022/01/a-an-explanation-of-how-to-use-a-or-an-properly.html (Scroll down to the "A brown earthworm and an ant crawled across the sidewalk" example.)

+ [...but it was clear to the scaly sissy that something was off with the master of malnutrition. Still, he didn't proceed with caution and found himself charging forward, attempting to gore the god of brooding...] I always like your choice for nicknames, but, I don't like how often you use them and switch them up. It can get confusing to follow what's happening to whom.

+ [This left the big bastard, whom was nearly ten feet in height, turning around quickly to bring his hammer down.] I noticed you misuse "whom" very frequently. I found eight instances of you using "whom" in this quest. Not a single one of them was correct. Your one use of "whomever" was correct though.

If in doubt, you can try substituting "he" and "him" instead of "who" or "whom". If "he" sounds more correct, use "who". If "him" sounds more correct, use "whom". ~95% of the types of clauses you use "whom" in, "who" is the correct choice.

+ [It gave him a chance to focus on the smaller of opponents.. who Brood perceived to be the true threat among the pair.] Hah. Found a case where you used "who" when "whom" would've been correct. It's easier to substitute he/him to check which one fits better by reorganizing the clause a little. "...Brood perceived he/him to be the true threat." As you can see, "him" would be correct there. As such, "whom" is what you needed here.

+ [Everyone that he associated with held loyalty as one of their primary tenets. Anyone who showed duplicity would face a swift and terrible death.] RIP, Richard Maxwell.

+ [That marine that was here with them earlier didn't have any style or substance at all. Which was why he was nowhere to be seen.] Lmao, a well-deserved burn.

+ [...causing the candy coated colossi to roll backwards like a ball of dough...] "Colossi" is the plural of "colossus".

+ ["Aim for his gills, I know you're not opposed to fighting dirty."] I would've appreciated this advice more if it were from Maxwell to Brood. Maxwell's medical knowledge coming in handy beyond just his concoctions and obligatory healing would be good to see.

+ [He'd never show his back to an opponent, though he was not afraid to play dead should things go the wrong way here.] This seems very contradictory to how you're portraying Brood's personality in the flashback. Brood comes off as the type who could never imagine losing. So, for him to even think about playing dead if things go wrong just doesn't feel right. Especially since he has yet to be taught the lesson that the world is a big place full of people scarier than him (Dimachaerus would be the first to teach him that). His speech that follows makes this feel even more out of place.

+ [His drooling was rather intense now, as he chose to stop restraining the need to drool.] Picturing this is always hilarious.

Difficulty Bonus: +50% (+2)
Quality Bonus: +225% (S+)
Length Bonus: 1.69 (8,457 words)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +20% (Berry Printer)
Apology Bonus: +100% (For the long wait)

EXP: +402 (1.69*50)*(1+0.5+2.25+0+1)
Berries: +142,213,500 (1.69*68*250k)*(1+0.5+2.25+0.2+1)
Bounty: +25,000,000 | {For beating the infamous Salty Sam within sight of the Marines.}

---

Ryoichi Old EXP: 3813
Ryoichi Updated EXP: 4215
@Ryoichi Ayugai leveled up 4 times. Let me know where the +80 stat points need to go.

Ryoichi Old balance: 115,317,400
Ryoichi Updated balance: 257,530,900

Maxwell Old bounty: 210,000,000
Maxwell Updated bounty: 235,000,000

Difficulty Bonus: +50% (+2)
Quality Bonus: +200% (S)
Length Bonus: 2.00 (10,000+ words)
EXP Multiplier: +0%
Income Multiplier: +30% (+10% from Blockbuster; +20% from Maxwell's Berry Printer)
Apology Bonus: +100% (For the long wait)

EXP: +450 (2*50)*(1+0.5+2+0+1)
Berries: +168,000,000 (2*70*250k)*(1+0.5+2+0.3+1)
Bounty: +10,000,000 | {Brood's bounty is already quite high, even if this was set in the past.}

---

Draconia Old EXP: 2125
Draconia Updated EXP: 2575
@Draconia leveled up 4 times. Let me know where the +80 stat points need to go.

Draconia Old balance: 4,050,000
Draconia Updated balance: 172,050,000

Brood Old bounty: 355,000,000
Brood Updated bounty: 365,000,000