[Episode] Cake and Presents

Conrad's new stuffed friend really seemed not to like the revelation that he didn't have a pirate ship of his own. Ignoring the swearing, he grinned at the obvious answer to his question. "Heh, yeah. The old 'Jolly Roger Discount!' right? Gworohorohoro! What's the plan? Stealth takeover? Smash and steal?"

Conrad blinked blankly at the story Stitches was spinning to scare the pirates of their target ship. He was not expecting the target to be the Pink Tooth Pirate's ship, nor did he remember eating their Captain's heart. Did he really go that berserk that he blacked out and did such a horrible thing?

Then it dawned on him: they were using one of the greatest pirate techniques, the "Buccaneer Boast!" Conrad gave his former enemies an evil glare and growl. He raised his arms and showed them his tightened fists. The pirates that did not see the battle between him and the Flavor Savor Pirates laughed. The ones who did see the battle were not so jovial. Some of them shushed, nudged, or hit their fellow crewmates to get them to stop laughing, and whispered and muttered among themselves. That and the blood covering Conrad had them quickly fall in line.

Once that mess was sorted out, there was the matter of Stitches' questioning. Conrad sighed and shook his head. "The truth is... I may be strong, but... like I told that witch Abigail - and do not make fun of me - I have a lot of growing to do. Yes, I'm an adult, but still young enough to fight. But I'm not exactly smart. Even I admit that. I am ignorant and inexperienced. Both things are fixed with time and on-the-job training. I don't even know what kind of pirate captain I would want to become yet. I am definitely ready to become a pirate, but not ready to become a captain. The responsibility at my current level seems way too high...

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As the ship sailed outward into the bright and sparkling South Blue waters, the doll hopped up onto its railing to level with Conrad, “You know, that’s fair – I don’t remember much of the man I was made from, but I know that he wasn’t the captain of his ship…” Stitches gestured up and down his body as he spoke his next words, “... of course these days I’m a teddy bear, so I dunno if I could be a captain even if I wanted to. But I think I understand, ya know honestly, I think I’m mostly askin’ if you’re trying to be a captain of a crew because I need someone halfway decent to follow, and I’m wonderin’ if you’re that guy. I wanna see where you go, kid – that and the thought of one day killin’ my mom are my two big reasons for livin’ right now!”

The widest grin that the cursed toy’s stitched-together face could approximate stretched across his face for a couple of seconds before Stitches relieved the strained expression and let out a small breath of air. With a smaller, and more earnest smile toward the pirate, the homie looked out toward the glimmering horizon.

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Conrad looked Stitches in his beady - or button-y - eyes with a serious expression. "If you are questioning why I can't be a captain,he said with a surprising calm, "then I should ask you the same question. Why do you think you can't, just because of your... um... form? Nobody can help what they are born as, just like you can't help what you were reborn as. However, the coolest thing about pirates, to me, is that we can choose what we become, regardless of what others think of us." He then let out a loud yet short laugh, then continued the increased volume in his speech. "I have no clue if I'm making any sense! Not used to being a falafel sir- er... philosopher! But I hope you get what I mean."

That stuffed animal gave Conrad a lot to think about. He was sure he wasn't "that guy" that Stitches was looking for - at least, not yet. He was not sure the responsibility of captainhood was months away or a decade or more. But having someone interested in where he ends up was interesting and new. Perhaps Stitches could be a good traveling companion - or Conrad could be one for Stitches. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to have friends.

Except for this "killing his mother" thing. That was... worrisome.

"Your... mother? Like, actual mother, or the one who... did the thing with the thing and made you a stuffed animal thing? If your real mom, then... why would you want to kill her? But if the one that stuffed you into the stuffie... I get it. Well, not completely, as I've never been in your boots. But I think I get it. If that's the case..." Conrad extended his hand out towards his new friend, a soft smile breaking from the concerned look he just had. "I think we could travel together for a while. What do you say?"

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“Yeah! You get it! Don’t worry about my mother or how much I’m gonna murder her…” the evil side of the stuffed bear’s face curled into a wicked little smile, “... onward, Conrad! I think it’s about time we get you some experience out there on the high seas! I know that there’s a life worth livin’ out here in the light now, and I ain’t goin’ back in any barrel!”

The toy spoke as though he was an expert pirate trapped in the form of a fluffy bear, but in truth, he was more prideful than he had any right to be; though the soul-fragments that the homie had been constructed from had been those of an experienced pirate, only errant bits of “high-seas proficiency” had made their way into the bear’s brain, he was mostly preoccupied with thoughts of booze, boobies, and all of the man’s worst vices.

Still, as the pirates made their way out into the horizon, even the terrible little teddy couldn’t help but feel a sense of adventurous romance.

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