[Episode] Slurpin' Noods
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- GuestGuest
[Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:20 am
- Quest Request:
- Name: Slurpin’ Noods
Category: Episode
Player Participants: LukaV.Tepes (+0)
Planned Location(s): Spider Miles
Planned Time Range: December 31, 1828
Summary: Luka spends his birthday celebrating at the noodle shop, he and Shin will reminisce on old times; meanwhile, those more joyous people of Spider Miles will celebrate the coming New Years, ushering in Luka a bitter nostalgia.- OOC Note:
- This thread is primarily a dialogue and characterization practice for Luka, it will also be useful in establishing Shin as a future antagonist.
“I met a girl this morning…” The raven-haired stray stirred his drink slightly as he spoke over to the bartender, savoring the sound of his ice bouncing against the glass’ edges like the cold and gentle melody of the woman’s voice.
“You’re always tripping over young women Luka, it…” Shin hesitated as he spoke, a bit of guilt underpinning his voice [dass]due to the nature of his role in the boy’s lovelife[cmt]You don't need to tell me this since you're about to show me.[/cmt][/dass], “... it never seems to work out well for you, they either disappear or reject you. I think you should focus on more important things.”
“... she found me lying down by a dumpster, some people threw me out with the rest of their trash. I don’t know if I’d have survived if she didn’t show,” he spoke matter-of-factly, taking a drink and looking out the shuttered blinds to the lively streets outside.
“Well, that’s good to hear at least, just a good woman showing some care to a fellow in need. I’m glad you didn’t go off falling in lo–” Shin was interrupted, as the usually quiet boy, continued to gush over the girl.
“She was gorgeous, more beautiful than any woman I’ve seen before. Her hair was blue like sapphire, her eyes were like emeralds, her skin was pale and perfect…” a single tear rolled down the side of the young man’s face as he spoke of the object of his affection, “... she seemed too beautiful to be real, like jewelry too intricate to truly exist.”
“You speak so affectionately of women you don’t even know,” the man began preparing a bowl of noodles for his friend, hopefully if he stuffed the dog’s mouth full of ramen he could get him to shut up about this girl.
“She deserves it, even if it was just for a moment…” more tears welled in Luka’s drunken stormy eyes, “... she held me in her arms, she held me to her breasts, it felt like she was healing me from the inside; like she was pulling all of the broken and wounded pieces of me back together. I can tell that she’s worthy of everything I could give her and more.”
“Any woman can do that, don’t throw away your life chasing after some girl, I promise you’ll regret it,” if only this damn water would boil faster. Shin wasn’t much for love in the first place, and hearing the Stray speak of it only brought guilt and resentment to his heart.
“I don’t think I would…” the boy’s tears streaked down his face, pooling at his chin before raining down into his glass, “... I know I’ve said some big things about women before, and I’ve had a lot of crushes. But it’s never been this bad,” Luka coughed and seemed to start choking up as he held himself back from drunkenly bawling.
“I feel like I was made for her, but I’ll never see her again…” resting his head in his hands, the stray turned his attention back to his old friend, “... do you know what I mean? Like now that she’s gone I’ve lost my purpose.”
Shin threw the ramen into the now-boiling pot as he thought on it for a moment, “... I suppose so. You know I had a wife once, no?”
“I do. I don’t think we’ve spoken much of her,” Luka responded, his eyes growing wetter at the thought of marriage, at the thought of having a lady to call home.
“It’s for the best. I promise you, being in love; really, being in lasting, dedicated love. It’s the worst torture imaginable, it’s absolutely more hassle than it’s worth,” Shin stirred the pot as he spoke sadly of the past.
“I think I know what you mean…” the stray spoke with pain in his voice, “... at least with the torture, I felt like my chest was shaking trying not to tell her that I loved her on the spot, even though she put me back together, inside I felt like she had torn a thousand little pieces from me. Now that she’s gone, I really wish I’d told her how I felt. I think it would have been worth it, even if she’d said no, at least I wouldn’t have to live not knowing whether or not she’d have me.”
“You’ll always think of what you should’ve said when they’re already gone. That’s the way with women…” Shin spoke [dass]with a bit of sexism[cmt]Don't need to say this. It's evident in the dialogue.[/cmt][/dass], miserable with this boy’s unpleasant reminders of his own pain, “... they break you into pieces, and then they leave for brighter shores.”
“Maybe it’s what we deserve…” Luka smiled a bit, taking another sip from his drink as his chest shivered, “... I hate the men in this city; but I hated myself even more in that moment, while she cradled me against her chest I stared at her breasts like a filthy animal.”
“Breasts are one of the few things about women you ought to let yourself enjoy unconditionally,” the man spoke [ass=Unnecessary.]another crude remark of the fairer sex[/ass] as he clattered down a bowl of noodle soup over to Luka.
Immediately, the hungry dog began slurping up the meal, but unfortunately, this didn’t shut him up, “Gurara-mogu-mogu! Yeah! You’re right! Mogu-mogu…” spoken between shameless chewing noises, the boy’s perversion was especially gross, “... her tits were awesome! Cute, soft, round lil’ boobs, perfect for a sweet nurse girl like her!” With his pronouncement of mammarial admiration, Luka slammed the empty bowl of soup to the counter and downed his drink.
One of the bars few other patrons, an old sagging-faced woman, glared over at the pervy young man. Shin shot her a subtle look before speaking to the boy on her behalf, “Listen Luka, you can say what you want here, but please keep it down a bit for the sake of the other patrons.”
“Alrighty…” the stray smiled wider than he had for some time, playfully speaking to Shin in a loud whisper, quickly, the cook began frying up some beef yakisoba in another bid to get the lad to quiet down, “... anyways, her body rocked, it looked like she took really good care of herself! But I think why I’m feeling this way is the way she spoke to me, she came to me when I was hurting, and she spoke to me kindly even though I’m just some piece of shit loser. When she flirted with me…”
Luka thought back to how the girl had gently teased him as she left, the sway of her subtle hips and the kiss she blew towards him as she headed for the docks, “... I thought I was going fucking crazy. I don’t think a girl as sexy and nice as her has ever paid me much mind, I wish I would’ve followed her.”
“I’m sure she’d like that, buraku-nudu-nudu…” Shin chuckled at the thought of the stray stalking after some woman like a hound, “... maybe it’s best that you let her go, seems like you’d be pretty damn distracted if she was around.”
“Koi-shī-hī-hī!” Luka laughed and danced his fingers inwards and outwards, as though grabbing onto something soft; the young man was evidently enjoying the contents of his intoxicated imagination.
“Luka, come on. Stop that, I don’t like having to send you home,” though he felt a bit conflicted about it, Shin certainly preferred the usual mopey Luka to the undignified young-man that seemed to wash over his surrogate son in his drunken stupor.
“Alright, alright…” uncharacteristically, the boy broke into a wide smile, “... let a guy dream a little!”
“Keep your pervy dreams between you and the futon kid,” Shin spoke with a grimace and a mocking gaze.
“It’s strange…” Luka tapped at the rim of his glass, and put a bit of money on the table for Shin to refill the drink, “... normally I’m fine keeping these sorts of things to myself, but I guess when you really want something you just can’t shut the fuck up about it, eh?”
“I’m surprised you weren’t badgering people on the streets trying to find her at this rate,” with this, the barkeep filled his patron’s drink and threw his plate of yakisoba down in front of him.
“Hmm, hmm…” Luka embarrassedly stifled a bit of laughter, he’d asked around a bit on his way over, desperately hoping the pretty girl might be out catching a drink somewhere, “... I agree, that would be terribly rude!” With his amazing manners, the skinny guy began eating Yakisoba with his hands and chopsticks alike.
“Mogu-mogu! This is great!” In no time, the fried noodles were gone to the stray’s stomach.
“Do you ever wonder what kind of life you could lead with somebody you barely know?...” With another bowl of noodles down, Luka continued his romantic ranting.
Meanwhile, A Couple Enjoys their First Date Beneath the Snow
“... my old boyfriend never took me places like this. Still, I can’t help but think back to what we had sometimes. He left without warning. He didn’t even seem to care about what we had,” though it was a bit impolite to mention one’s exes on a date, the intimate New Years’ air had allowed both of the pair to lay bare their souls to their fellow strangers.
“I’m sorry to hear, you didn’t deserve that Lain…” the young man spoke quietly to the girl as they stood on a bridge overlooking one of the city’s polluted rivers, “... I think I understand him too though. He’s everything I used to hate about myself, the kind of man who gives up on precious things. I hope you can trust me. I would never abandon you like he did.”
There was no way she could believe him, that’s not how things like love worked; they were fickle, and fragile, and could shatter in an instant if pressed beyond their breaking point. Worse still, he didn’t even know if he believed himself; he feared that he would never be strong enough to care for the person he loved, to keep them and devote himself to them.
“I appreciate it…” she spoke a soft response, yearning and incompletable without the demand it carried, … if that’s what you mean, you’d better prove it. She did not think this in words, rather it was a feeling that resonated in the pits of her wounded heart.
“I promise I won’t say those words to you…” he thought of the phrase that lovers so often say to one another without knowing its meaning, “... I will not claim to love you until I can fulfill it as a promise. You’ve hurt enough, you deserve somebody who can provide for you, somebody who will never leave your side. If that’s the kind of man I can be, that’s what I want more than anything.”
The young man spoke his pledge as the quarter moon emerged from behind bluish-gray clouds. Not knowing what to say, the woman crowded herself into her partner’s arms and held herself close to him; in turn he embraced her, secreting her crying eyes away from all the world’s judgment.
Back at the Bar…
[npc=misc]“Pardon, is this seat taken?”[/npc] The young woman was almost comically attractive by conventional standards, well-endowed, luscious-lipped, and blessed with voluminous ringlets of curly red hair.
What a wonderful pair of bazongas, Shin thought to himself as he prepared more food and drink for the blabbermouth.
“Wha? No,” Luka responded coldly, briefly breaking his attention from his fawning.
[npc=misc]“Perfect, what’s good to order around here?...”[/npc] the redhead asked with a sultry tone, [npc=misc]“... it’s my first time.”[/npc]
“I don’t know. Beer?”
[dass]This guy was obtuse, but Ande wasn’t about to pay for her own drinks[cmt]I don't think you're intentionally trying to write in the third-person omniscient view here (it doesn't seem like a good choice for this piece anyway). So, I can only assume that the head-hopping is accidental. Head-hopping can be jarring. I strongly advise you to stick to a single character's viewpoint for the entire scene.[/cmt][/dass].
[npc=misc]“Mmm, I’m afraid I prefer things a bit harder,”[/npc] with this the woman brushed her hand against Luka, letting it linger there before tracing her finger off of it, and down towards her side of the counter.
“Why are you touching me like that?” The black-haired dog shot a cold look over to the annoying woman.
She stared back at him for a moment, before pointing towards herself, [npc=misc]“do you think I’m pretty?”[/npc]
“Sure,” the son of impalers replied curtly.
[npc=misc]“Would you buy a drink for me?”[/npc] The girl winked at the man she was trying to seduce.
“I don’t have much cash, plus it’s my birthday, sorry,” Luka spoke brattily as his next bowl of noodles was given to him.
[npc=misc]“Seems like you’ve got plenty of money for food birthday boy,”[/npc] the woman looked to the growing stack of bowls at the man’s side, leaning in closer to him as though trying to tempt him into a kiss.
“Oh no! My old buddy here is doing me a big favor lettin’ me eat for free tonight!”
“... and letting you eat me out of house and home for it,” Shin grumbled over from the kitchen.
[npc=misc]“Shōfu-fu-fu…”[/npc] the girl laughed out an overly cute and affectionate giggle, [npc=misc]“...I wouldn’t mind if somebody ate me out of house and home. I’m a good cook, you know.”[/npc]
“That sounds like a fun hobby,” Luka was really just eager to get back to talking about this girl.
[npc=misc]“Do you want to fuck me?”[/npc]
“What?”
[npc=misc]“Do. You. Want. To. Have. Sex. With. Me,”[/npc] Ande spelled it out in plain english to the seemingly oblivious man.
“No, not really,” Luka quickly brushed past the promiscuous redhead’s advances, before continuing to talk to Shin about the black-haired girl he’d met earlier.
[npc=misc]“Ugh. Whatever, I’m out of here,”[/npc] with this, the woman stormed off to con some other simp out of free drinks.
Commemoration Walk
Amongst the few traditions well-respected enough in Spider Miles to not be interrupted by gang violence, was the Commemoration Walk: [dass]a ceremony in which married couples walked the street hand in hand in order of oldest to youngest[cmt]Nice to see a bit of world-building in an otherwise ponderous piece.[/cmt][/dass], together serving as a living representation of the lifelong commitment of matrimony.
The procession could move only as fast as its eldest members, situated at the front of the line was the couple that had been eldest for the last decade, Mary and Bo Liebowitz; the elder Mary was now nearing one hundred years of age, and shuffled forwards very slowly with the help of her still-strong husband and their loving children.
The slowness of the march was largely appreciated by those in attendance; even despite Spider Miles' industrial ugliness, the city could be rendered beautiful with enough multicolored lights. Walking alongside the waterfront of one of the city’s shipping bays, the married pairs looked out to the glinting lights dotting the horizon, they were like gemstones studded into the islands’ facets; it didn’t matter if the city was little more than a cheap engagement ring, it was the place where they had found love, and so it was beautiful to them.
“My love…” Mary Liebowitz spoke to her husband, short of breath as she stumbled over her frail little ankles, “... I’m so happy we’ve had this time together.”
“What do you mean Mary?” Bo asked his wife with concern.
“This is the perfect place to end our story together, don’t you think?...” the elderly woman collapsed to her knees, “... we have loved each other for over half a century, and each year walked together amongst others on their journeys. This is the place I would like to rest Bo,” lying against a soot-stained cherry tree, the woman smiled softly.
Instantly, the husband’s heart was overwhelmed, and his face erupted into bawling, aching, burning tears; he took a moment, calming his selfish desire to ask that she stay before speaking back to her, “Are you sure this is where you wish to go my love? I will take you anywhere in the world, I will carry you alone if I have to, if there is anywhere else you should wish to go together…” Bo spoke the end of his sentence softly, kneeling down to his lover and crying into her shoulder.
“... I still don’t know if I’m ready to live without you.”
“You’ll be okay dear. We’ll see each other again soon. I love you,” as the elder Mary died in her husband's arms, each member of her family came to join her and embrace the woman against the tree she had chosen to die beneath.
“I love you too Mary, I’ll always love you.”
Gathering around the grieving family, the married couples of Spider Miles consoled them, and celebrated the love that the woman had cherished for so much of her life. The man of the most youthful couples began to sob uncontrollably, greedily clutching his young wife to his chest, as though praying that their love would never die; she held his head softly in her hands, but she would not deny the inevitable in her mind, regardless of who passed first she was happy to cherish every living moment that fate would entitle them together.
Through Shuttered Blinds
Hearing the commotion outside, Luka stood up and stumbled to the window with his drink, peeking through the blinds to the gathering that had found themselves situated around one of the city’s trees, “wonder what’s up with all those couples.”
“Oh? Is the Commemoration Walk here?” Shin asked, a bit of greed betraying his voice; tempting couples away from the walk to drink was a common tactic amongst the local bar crawls this time of year.
“Oh yeah, I guess that's probably them, eh?...” Luka was curious, and so took a step outside, “... seems like they’re all stopped, I’ll see what’s going on and come back for ya. Figure you can whip me up another Yakisoba while I’m out?”
“Ugh. I guess so,” Shin eyed the drunkard with frustration, he was certainly happy to exploit the old man’s hospitality.
“What’s going on?” The black coated stray spoke solemnly over to the man at the center of the grieving.
“My wife is dead…” Bo spoke, face wet with tears.
“Oh. That sucks…” Luka didn’t quite know what to say, sensing that his words were not taken kindly, he tried to change the subject, “... what was she like?”
Initially, Bo was overcome with a wave of fury at the young man’s concise condolences, “she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She stayed with me for almost seventy years, and I would have loved her to the end of time; I hope that I still will. More than anything I fear I will forget her now, I wish I had savored every moment more; I wish I hadn’t wasted or lost a second with her.”
Luka smiled before speaking quietly, “Hmm. She sounds like she was an amazing woman…” the stray looked down softly to the shoal wrapped corpse at the base of the tree, “... loyal, and caring, and it seems that she walked by your side to the very end of her being. She obviously loved you very much, I doubt she minded the quiet moments you shared together.”
“Still, I wish I could have spent more time with her,” tears streamed down the old man’s face, and in sympathy, so too did Luka begin to cry. As the man’s teardrops fell down upon the dead woman, a soft smile seemed to wash over the woman’s face.
“I understand what you mean…” Luka thought to the girl who had left for the seas that day, “... you should be happy that you found her, that woman who was your soulmate. You should be proud that you didn’t let her walk away, and that you didn’t walk away from her. You walked her to the ends of the earth, and she joined you happily. I wish I could have been blessed to do the same.”
“You have somebody you love too boy? Where is she?” The elderly man spoke up to Luka.
“I don’t know. That’s why I think I can understand your plight; I feel I met the woman I was meant to marry, but I didn’t take my chance when she was here, and now I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again—” Luka was interrupted by the sharp sting of a calloused old hand slapping him across the face.
“That’s not the same boy. Don’t compare your infatuation to the love I shared with my wife for years. Go, now, rid yourself from our presence; do not taint my final memories of her any further with your childish yearning,” Bo entered another of the stages of grief, venting his rage upon the stray Dog.
Luka did not fight back, and respected the man’s wishes. He was obviously hurting, and the stray dog could suffer another beating for the sake of the lovelorn.
High Above the City
Looking down upon the bay, the couple’s first date had gotten better by the moment; coming to trust the new man, the young woman by the name of Lain, stole him away and led him to her building’s roommate by his hand. Her grasp was tight for a girl with such dainty hands, able to love in spite of the pain of her past, it was as though strength itself had been incarnated in her five foot frame.
“I want to show you something Zimri,” she took her new friend to the railing of the building, looking down upon the lights of the city together, she shared her favorite view with him.
“Do you like it here?” She asked him quietly, as though wondering if he could be persuaded to stay by the prettiness of the vista.
The man looked out to the lights, they were beautiful in themselves, gleaming off of the oily water below like quavering drops of rainbow; still, it was all the more beautiful knowing who had beheld it. A kind, hurting, pretty little doe of a woman had obviously spent quite some time on this rooftop; he wished he could have seen every one of this roof’s starry nights along her side.
“Do you like it up here?” Zim echoed the girl’s question back to her.
“I do. It’s one of my favorite places…” the girl spoke with a sad undertone to her voice, worried that the man did not see the beauty in the sight she had wished to share with him.
“Then I would stand here with you forever if I could,” tears welled in the man’s eyes as he spoke.
“You promise you’re not just saying that? You don’t just want to sleep with me?”
“I want to sleep with you, but that isn’t all that I want from you, Lain; sex is among the least of my concerns…” the man shivered as he spoke his violent proclamation of love, “... I wish I could tear your heart from your chest so no man could hurt you again.”
“You would hurt me?” She looked up to the man who grit his teeth, with fearful but curious eyes.
“I would never…” he swept her up in his arms like the jaws of a beast snapping down upon the neck of a deer, “... I will never hurt you. I will see no man hurt you. I’ll rip anybody’s throat out with my teeth if it means keeping your heart safe, I would rip out my own if I were ever to hurt you Lain.”
“Thank you…” the girl didn’t quite understand the violent love that burned within the man’s heart, but she could understand his desire for her, she could understand that he came to her bearing intentions pure, hot, and white like flame; perhaps his warmth would be the one that protected her. Maybe this animalistic man would be the one to keep the wolves that would break her heart at bay.
The Soapseller’s Girl
“What about that Girl from a couple months back, Luka? You said many of these things about her, which one of these women is special to you?” Shin was getting irritated with the boy, his stack of food-bowls was growing larger by the minute; no matter how many noodles he fed the stray, he couldn’t get the boy to be quiet about this girl he’d just met, and who he would almost certainly never see again.
“Mr. Saboni’s daughter? She was a really sweet girl, I wish I’d gotten to spend more time with her…” Luka seemed a bit wistful, remembering another woman that he had indeed felt love for, “... but that’s in the past! I bet I could still find this woman! I don’t know where she went, but if I leave this island then maybe she and I will cross paths again!”
“Don’t you have matters you ought to attend to around here first Luka?” Shin glared to the boy. In addition to his vested interest in seeing the boy pay off his debts, the noodle shop owner had been the cause of many disappearances of Luka’s crushes; it was irritating to see him so flagrant disregard the women who had, in fact, died for him.
“Ugh. I guess…” the young, girl-crazy man replied flippantly.
“... wait, that’s it! If I can pay off my debts, and make a name for myself as a hunter then maybe she’ll notice my name in the papers! I’ll always ask to see the girl with the sapphire hair and emerald eyes, and then maybe someday she’ll come to me!”
“That’s really not what I meant…” Shin was exasperated by the boy’s idle dreaming, “... you ought to get serious about your job for its own sake, not because you want to fuck some girl who’s already well on her way across the sea.”
“Huh? I mean sure, I’d do…” Luka was a bit embarrassed at his senior’s crude reference, he’d been put in a less amorous mood by the sight of the corpse wife, “... I’d do those things with her. But that’s not why I want to see her again, she was nice to me when I was hurting, she said kind things that no other woman has said to me. She helped me pull things back together, and I felt it all more deeply than I’ve felt anything since…” Luka cut himself off, he couldn’t bear to think on his mother’s death at a time like this.
“... I felt at home with her, I feel as though she tied a red thread around my finger and demanded I meet her in another life.”
“That old myth?...” Shin scoffed, “... my ex-wife believed in that nonsense, and look at what all that hope did for her. She couldn’t stand her ‘so-called’ soulmate for more than a couple of years once we’d moved in together.”
“But she accepted me! She took me in her arms and healed me!” Luka shouted back.
“Quiet down boy. She was a nurse, of course she healed you. Why do you think of yourself as special for being on the receiving end of a professional’s care?”
“I don’t care whether or not I’m special to her! That’s the thing! I feel her in the pit of my chest, she could give me nothing and it would still be enough, if it’s her then anything is enough; I only want to give to her, I demand nothing in return,” Bawling, the boy cried out for the woman he so desired.
“Then what would you even get from a relationship with her, Luka?!” The selfish man spoke callously, and judgmentally, he could not imagine the idea of unconditional love; much less the strange, and simple conditions of Luka’s.
“TO FEEL LIKE THIS! TO PAY HER BACK FOR HER KINDNESS! EVEN THOUGH I WAS LYING IN THE GARBAGE, SHE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS WORTH SOMETHING!” The boy growled out a monstrous howl as his eyes were forced shut by the unending well of his teardrops.
“You should—” Shin’s reprimand was cut off before he could complete it.
“Yeah, I’ll fuckin’ go. Have a nice night Shin,” Luka, crying his eyes out, wiping the moisture from his pooling eyes, and blowing the snot from his face into his shirt, donned his coat and made for the door.
“Happy Birthday Luka,” the cook spoke calmly back to the boy. He wondered if he’d been too hard on him, but quickly put the thought to rest; if he started worrying about the stray’s wellbeing now, then he would have years and years of debts and secrets to repay to the kid, it was best to stay the path he’d been set upon by the Orbweavers.
The evening was cold, but bright; and the couples who had stopped at this place to mourn, were now happily enjoying their time together as the clock counted down towards new years. The stray envied these pairings, their affection for one another was one he wished he could share with that sapphire girl who had walked on into the distance.
Booming across the waters came the clock’s strike twelve; no longer was it Luka’s day, but he still walked forwards with pride in his heart. Maybe the woman who had saved him this day had rekindled his spirit, even if her presence was momentary in his life, he knew again what it was to strive for something beautiful.
Reaching his squalid apartment, Luka afforded himself a final luxury for the evening: a hot shower. Looking at himself in the mirror, he noticed an unusual change to his body; it appeared that just over his heart, were subtle, translucent stitch marks. He smiled to himself, proud to bear markings from the woman who had saved him.
Taking his shower, the boy pretended that he was holding the girl in his arms as he was warmed beneath the cleansing rain. Scrubbing his body clean, that night Luka absolved himself of some of the suffering that he had borne; in her name he forgave himself for more of his traumas, and gave himself permission to chase greater dreams. Even if he couldn’t break free from his debts quite yet, he now had an ambition to pursue outside of Spider Miles; he would find that woman at the very ends of the earth if he had to.
Resting beneath the stars and half-full moonlight, the citizens of Spider Miles were ushered into the new year peacefully; and in many cases, bearing deeper love in their hearts than they had before.
Post Word Count: 5,035
Total Word Count: 5,035
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:43 am
Round 1
Luka activates Toggle Trouble Clef
Luka uses LT Metronome Posture to Buff Self
Luka uses HT Bellringer to Debuff Heartstrings
Luka uses UT against Heartstrings
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use UT against Luka
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
Level: 1
Total Base Stats (incl. equipment): 225
HP: 115/115
ATK: 55
DEF: 24
RX: 165
WP: 30
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
vs. {Heartstrings}
RX%:3, then 11.7
DMG%: 1.2
- USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI:
TECHNIQUES
{Metronome Posture} | {LT} | {Hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+25% RX} | {Self}
{Bellringer} | {HT} | {Hit} | {Stat Morph} | {-75% RX} | {Heartstrings}
{UT DoReMiFaSoLaTiDa} | {UT} | {Hit} | {Flat} | {6 damage} | {Heartstrings}
TOGGLES
{Trouble Clef} | {+20% RX, -20% DEF}
- 2 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{Metronome Posture} | {+25% RX} | {Self} | {1}
{Bellringer} | {-75% RX} | {Heartstrings} | {3}
TOGGLES
{Trouble Clef} | {+20% RX, -20% DEF}
- 2 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
Bellringer| {11}
Metronome Posture| {5}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Heartstrings}
Level: 1
Total Base Stats: 225
HP: 116/122
ATK: 80
DEF: 45
RX: 55
WP: 45
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Heartstrings} vs. {Luka}
RX%: 0.08
DMG%: 3.33
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Heartstrings}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{UT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
- RNGesusRNGesus
- Age : 0
Posts : 691
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:43 am
The member 'Luka' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 16
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 14, 15, 4, 16
#1 'Reflex Check' : 16
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 14, 15, 4, 16
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:51 am
Round 2
Luka uses LT Evasive Parkour to Buff Self
Luka uses HT Thrill of the Fight to Buff Self
Luka uses UT against Heartstrings
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use UT against Luka
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
Level: 1
Total Base Stats (incl. equipment): 225
HP: 115/115
ATK: 96
DEF: 24
RX: 206
WP: 30
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
vs. {Heartstrings}
RX%:14.71
DMG%: 2.13
- USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:
TECHNIQUES
{Evasive Parkour} | {LT} | {Hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+25% RX} | {Self}
{Thrill of the Fight} | {HT} | {Hit} | {Stat Morph} | {+75% ATK} | {Self}
{UT DoReMiFaSoLaTiDa} | {UT} | {Hit} | {Flat} | {10 damage} | {Heartstrings}
TOGGLES
- 4 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{Metronome Posture} | {+25% RX} | {Self} | {ends}
{Evasive Parkour} | {+25% RX} | {Self} | {1}
{Bellringer} | {-75% RX} | {Heartstrings} | {2}
{Thrill of the Fight} | {+75% ATK} | {Self} | {3}
TOGGLES
{Trouble Clef} | {+20% RX, -20% DEF}
- 4 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
Thrill of the Fight| {11}
Bellringer| {10}
Evasive Parkour| {5}
Metronome Posture| {4}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Heartstrings}
Level: 1
Total Base Stats: 225
HP: 106/122
ATK: 80
DEF: 45
RX: 55
WP: 45
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Heartstrings} vs. {Luka}
RX%: 0.06
DMG%: 3.33
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Heartstrings}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{LT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
{UT} | {miss} | {N/A} | {Luka}
- RNGesusRNGesus
- Age : 0
Posts : 691
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:51 am
The member 'Luka' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 17
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 17, 2, 19, 4
#1 'Reflex Check' : 17
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 17, 2, 19, 4
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:58 am
Round 3
Luka uses AoE It's Over against Heartstrings
K.O LUKA WINS THE BATTLE WITHIN HIS HEART
Heartstrings use MT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use LT against Luka
Heartstrings use UT against Luka
- COMBAT TRACKERS:
- PLAYER STATS:
(List the current values for your stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
Level: 1
Total Base Stats (incl. equipment): 225
HP: 115/115
ATK: 96
DEF: 24
RX: 165
WP: 30
- PLAYER RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list your current RX% and DMG% against them.)
vs. {Heartstrings}
RX%:11.78
DMG%: 2.13
- USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI:
TECHNIQUES
{It's Over} | {AoE} | {Hit} | {Flat} | {106 damage} | {Heartstrings}
TOGGLES
- 3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:
(List all techniques that have currently active effects and indicate the remaining duration. Also, indicate what effects they are dealing: e.g. DoT value, Stat Morph value.)
TECHNIQUES
{Evasive Parkour} | {+25% RX} | {Self} | {ends}
{Bellringer} | {-75% RX} | {Heartstrings} | {1}
{Thrill of the Fight} | {+75% ATK} | {Self} | {2}
TOGGLES
{Trouble Clef} | {+20% RX, -20% DEF}
- 4 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:
(List all techniques and haki that are currently on cooldown and note the number of rounds before you can use them again.)
TECHNIQUES
Thrill of the Fight| {10}
Bellringer| {9}
It's Over | {7}
Evasive Parkour| {4}
Metronome Posture| {3}
- OPPONENT STATS:
(For each one of your opponents, list the current values for the stats below, accounting for stat morphs and damage.)
{Heartstrings}
Level: 1
Total Base Stats: 225
HP: 0/122
ATK: 80
DEF: 45
RX: 55
WP: 45
- OPPONENT RATIOS:
(For each one of your opponents, list their current RX% and DMG% against you and your Crew Companions.)
{Heartstrings} vs. {Luka}
RX%: 0.08
DMG%: 3.33
- OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:
(List the class, damage, and target of techniques used by each one of your opponents if you or your Crew Companions are the direct targets.)
{Heartstrings}
{MT} | {K.O} | {N/A} | {N/A}
{LT} | {K.O} | {N/A} | {N/A}
{LT} | {K.O} | {N/A} | {N/A}
{UT} | {K.O} | {N/A} | {N/A}
- RNGesusRNGesus
- Age : 0
Posts : 691
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:58 am
The member 'Luka' has done the following action : Dice Roll
#1 'Reflex Check' : 13
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 11, 17, 10, 12
#1 'Reflex Check' : 13
--------------------------------
#2 'Reflex Check' : 11, 17, 10, 12
- GuestGuest
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:59 am
Round 1, Cont.
Apologies for missing the roll for his Debuff, it was an automatic hit, but here is the roll for formality's sake
- RNGesusRNGesus
- Age : 0
Posts : 691
Re: [Episode] Slurpin' Noods
Sat Dec 24, 2022 5:59 am
The member 'Luka' has done the following action : Dice Roll
'Reflex Check' : 12
'Reflex Check' : 12
- Gray
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species/Tribe : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]
[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3990
Grading
Tue Nov 07, 2023 11:49 pm
GRADING
Quality Score (Re)assessment: Yes
ASSESSMENT SUMMARY
- Luka Tepes:
Category Scores
Plot: 55 out of 100
Characters: 68 out of 75
Dialogue: 43 out of 50
World-building: 43 out of 50
Literary Devices: 92 out of 100
Language: 112 out of 125
Total: 413 out of 500
- Overall:
This was an interesting character piece, even if it meandered quite a bit. I feel like it was missing just a little bit of spice, though. A punchline, perhaps, to bring the scene together. What I initially hoped you were doing with the couple on a date was that you were showing a flashback of Mary and Bo. But, that notion was soon dispelled. I think that direction could've brought everything together much nicer.
All that said, I treated this piece as you intended it - an attempt to get into Luka's obsessive mind. It was lacking in themes I hope for in threads - themes that fit well within Revival Dawn and One Piece.
REWARDS
- Luka Tepes:
Length Multiplier: 1.00x (5,035 words)
Difficulty Bonus: +0.00 (+0)
Quality Bonus: +2.00 (S)
Apology Bonus: +2.00
All base EXP directed to @Luka
Old EXP: 100
EXP earned: +500
Updated EXP: 600
Old balance: [bel] 20,050,000
Belly earned: +30,000,000 [bel]
Updated balance: [bel] 50,050,000
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