[Arc] [Part I] The Grave Robber - Old Wounds Won't Heal In A Day

Fri Jul 08, 2022 3:24 pm

Quest Details:

Both Doji & I shall be rolling before we commence the actual RP. Cheers!

Round 1:

Castor O. Nox uses [MT] Raijuu on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Black Spot on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Skewer on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses UT on War Meeting

Newport uses MT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses MT on War Meeting
Newport uses UT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses UT on War Meeting

War Meeting uses MT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Newport
War Meeting uses UT on Jazzy

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI:

3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

3 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

CREW COMPANION STATS:

CREW COMPANION RATIOS:

CREW COMPANION TECHNIQUES USED:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Fri Jul 08, 2022 3:24 pm

The member 'Castor O. Nox' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 6, 14, 2, 16

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#2 'Reflex Check' : 14, 7, 18, 3

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#3 'Reflex Check' : 15, 6, 4, 8, 11, 1

Fri Jul 08, 2022 4:36 pm

Round 2:

Castor O. Nox uses [MT] Curse of Orochi on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Drill on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Will-o'-wisp on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses UT on War Meeting

Newport uses MT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses MT on War Meeting
Newport uses UT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses UT on War Meeting

War Meeting uses MT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Newport
War Meeting uses UT on Jazzy

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 1 HAKI:

6 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 0 TOGGLES | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

6 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

CREW COMPANION STATS:

CREW COMPANION RATIOS:

CREW COMPANION TECHNIQUES USED:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Fri Jul 08, 2022 4:36 pm

The member 'Castor O. Nox' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 10, 12, 9

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#2 'Reflex Check' : 18, 2, 12, 14

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#3 'Reflex Check' : 5, 4, 11, 17, 17, 1

Fri Jul 08, 2022 5:15 pm

Round 3:

Castor O. Nox uses [HT] Vritra on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Surge on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses UT on War Meeting

Newport uses MT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses MT[Heal] on Castor
Newport uses UT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses UT on War Meeting

War Meeting uses HT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Newport
War Meeting uses UT on Jazzy

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 2 HAKI:

6 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 0 TOGGLES | 2 HAKI ACTIVE:

6 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

CREW COMPANION STATS:

CREW COMPANION RATIOS:

CREW COMPANION TECHNIQUES USED:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Fri Jul 08, 2022 5:15 pm

The member 'Castor O. Nox' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 9, 4, 2

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#2 'Reflex Check' : 5, 19, 9, 3

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#3 'Reflex Check' : 13, 7, 7, 10, 1

Fri Jul 08, 2022 7:38 pm

Round 4:

Castor O. Nox uses [HT] Obsidian Core on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses [LT] Celestial Barrier on War Meeting
Castor O. Nox uses UT on War Meeting

Newport uses MT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses MT on War Meeting
Newport uses UT on War Meeting
Jazzy uses UT on War Meeting

War Meeting uses MT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses LT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Castor
War Meeting uses UT on Newport
War Meeting uses UT on Jazzy

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES | 2 HAKI:

1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 0 TOGGLES | 2 HAKI ACTIVE:

6 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

CREW COMPANION STATS:

CREW COMPANION RATIOS:

CREW COMPANION TECHNIQUES USED:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Fri Jul 08, 2022 7:38 pm

The member 'Castor O. Nox' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 11, 18, 18

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 13, 15, 10, 7

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#3 'Reflex Check' : 1, 14, 5, 14, 6, 18

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:12 am

See [Part 2] Trouble on the Countryside for Minibosses.

Round 1

Doji activates toggle Swaying Breeze
Doji uses AoE Heavenly Song: Melody of Zephyr's Guidance to buff self
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI:

1 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

1 TECHNIQUE COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:12 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 13

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 16, 20, 4, 2

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:42 am

Round 2

Doji uses HT Haunting Visage to debuff Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Horrid Hook against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 3 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES| 0 HAKI:

2 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

3 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:42 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 13, 13, 16

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 9, 19, 14, 11

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:56 am

Round 3

Doji uses AoE Earthly Song: Dance of Dying Sunlight to to buff self
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use MT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 2 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES| 0 HAKI:

3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

3 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 1:56 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 4

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#2 'Reflex Check' : 12, 15, 6, 20

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:16 am

Round 4

Doji uses MT Jinketsukei to buff self
Doji uses LT Hook Horror against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Hilt of Tilled Earth against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 4 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES| 0 HAKI:

4 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

6 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:16 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 12, 13, 13

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#2 'Reflex Check' : 5, 9, 15, 20

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:32 am

Round 5

Doji uses MT Seventh Star Slice to buff self and damage Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Monastery Slash against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Two Heavens Reversed against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 4 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES| 0 HAKI:

4 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

7 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:32 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 14, 3, 18, 8

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 4, 8, 13, 5

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:49 am

Round 6

K.O. Asakura Doji Survives his encounters with Luccia & The Dames.

Doji uses LT Horrid Hook against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Hilt of Tilled Earth against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses LT Waning Crescent's Arc against Luccia & The Dames
Doji uses UT against Luccia & The Dames

Luccia & The Dames use HT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use LT against Doji
Luccia & The Dames use UT against Doji

COMBAT TRACKERS:

PLAYER STATS:

PLAYER RATIOS:

USED 4 TECHNIQUES | 0 TOGGLES| 0 HAKI:

3 TECHNIQUES ACTIVE | 1 TOGGLE | 0 HAKI ACTIVE:

8 TECHNIQUES COOLING DOWN | 0 HAKI COOLING DOWN:

OPPONENT STATS:

OPPONENT RATIOS:

OPPONENT TECHNIQUES USED:

Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:49 am

The member 'Doji' has done the following action : Dice Roll

#1 'Reflex Check' : 15, 18, 17, 11

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 5, 8, 4, 11

Sat Jul 09, 2022 3:08 pm

A Game of Chess

Two weeks after conquering Lvneel, Castor had experienced a series of night terrors. They'd come to him in various [ass=Typo in the very first paragraph? C'mon, man.]forums[/ass]. Sometimes it'd be the image of his father crying out to him from an ominous black cloud or the silhouette of a faceless three-eye woman opening her arms for an embrace.

Now that Nox didn't have a constant itch for revenge that compelled his ambitions, he'd made several revelations. One of them, he never truly had slept properly in the past. Even as a child, he suffered from insomnia.

Comfort wasn't something he truly ever had, it was like a visitor on vacation to a resort. After a while, everyone has to go home to their house - regardless of its size or lavishness. Here it was, in the form of a King's size bed, all hail the new Duke of Lvneel.

The Civil War across Lvneel had sparked several changes in the political hierarchy. First off, the former regions such as Vana and Nilf had been dissolved temporarily until new names for the territories had been approved by a council.

Unlike before, they were no more Lords who ran these areas, the entire Kingdom was broken into towns and ports, with the Capital as its hub and the Queen as the regent diplomat.

Also, laws couldn't be passed by royal decree alone, the council which consisted of former lords of Nilf and Vana supported both Castor's and Annabelle's interests. The previous crown had moved away from tourism and mostly focused on the export of slaves and various starch crops for coin.

However, many fields across the land were being converted into vineyards for wine production, an old cash crop from the early days of the Montblanc Crown. The unrest in Lvneel had sparked rebellions in Flevance as well but due to the World Government influence it was quickly quelled.

Lvneel was moving forward and Castor had pulled the strings to begin the winds of change. With Dax stealing most of the Royal Crown's reserves when it pertained to gold, all Nox was left with was the ascertained slush funds of the previous veils lords.

Which turned out to be enough to keep the current state of operations for about three years, give or take. Still, it was heaven-sent, Nox had newly converted Knights who conformed to piracy, sack the old territories in search of fortunes, and they found many.

The new big four was established within the next few days, Rose, Jewel, Nilf, and Aube were the names selected by the court. Castor had established a system to launder his money in and out of Lvneel without much of a trail.

However, no matter how much he plotted he grew restless and yearned for the seas once again to seek his answer. With the loss of Dax however, he'd have to restablish more allies of his caliber and after killing off most of the useful warriors of Lvneel, Nox turned his eyes on Flevance.

That in itself was a later tale, for now, the Duke sat in the library turning page after page, absorbing information passed down from previous Kings about the history of the North Blue and Lvneel itself.

A gentle knock on the library door, it was Sir Bearington - the new aid to the Queen and head of the council.

Entering the room with haste, "Wow. You still look like shit, my lord." Bearington declared playfully.

"Is that any way to address you're superior?" Nox responded in jest.

Chuckling heartedly, "If only you had that same moxie with the Crown... I wouldn't have to raise a pup in a den full of wolves." Bearington declared with a sigh.

"Gashi Gashi. What is it that you need of me, Bearington?" Nox inquired with a chuckle ending their friendly exchange.

"You're needed in the strategy room. There's been a development." Bearington informed.

"Oh. Something so important that you'd need me present? What is it?" Castor inquired, marking the page number of the book, and sticking his feet into his sandals.

"It has to do with Flevance, Lord Duke. It's best if I explain everything one time." Bearington declared signaling for Nox to follow. Bearington wasn't usually this forward when it came to Castor, so he knew it had to be something big.

Word Count: 712

| Tagged: @Doji

Notes: N/A

Tue Jul 12, 2022 6:21 pm

As the heavy doors of the capital’s war room groaned ajar its three entrants were greeted with the tense aura of the room; beneath the chandelier, the contorted faces of its inhabitants flickered between light and shadow like theatre masks. The paintings of Lvneel’s former generals and war leaders seemed to glare down on their progeny, as though disappointed at what their country had come to. The four nobles sat pensively around a large roundtable, all turned to face the doorway as their two leaders entered.

The dreary storm that had washed over Lvneel continued its heavy downpour as the councilors made their introductions for the evening; all present at the table seemed as though they were a bit stir crazy, and all were certainly worn from the recent war.

The Duke of Jewel grinned apprehensively, rocking slightly and twiddling his fingers as though to reassure himself, [npc=misc]“O-ho! Good evening Sir Bearington, and the young lord as well! What a pleasure to see you both!”[/npc] The man’s wine had steadied his nerves to some extent, though his unease was still evident in his tone, [npc=misc]“Please take a seat, sirs! We’ve anxiously awaited your arrival.”[/npc] With his reddened cheeks, the man beamed a broad and insincere grin towards Castor. The babbling sycophant tried his best to make his introduction, shooting a look towards his sister, the Duchess of Rose, who did not follow suit and instead glared coldly toward the Queen.

Sat with his elbows on the table and his temples tensed between his fingers the Mayor of Hibiscus Town looked like he was about to explode. The man seemed greatly relieved to see Castor and his entourage, “Thank heavens you two are here. I’ve heard that wretched thing from Flevance has arrived at our coast. We hardly have enough men to keep the ruffians in check, let alone some infernal monster.” The man was respectful of his betters and seemed quite eager to hear what Sir Bearington had to say.

The Duke of Aube was startled as the pirate lord and Bearington made their entrance, quickly settling his expression, though his fear was still evident in his eyes. As the mayor of Hibiscus Town spoke the Duke nodded along affirmatively; though technically he was of higher stature, this man was unsure of his situation as so he easily deferred to a man of lower stature than himself. While the Duke of Aube was friendly with Bearington, welcoming him happily alongside the other men, he avoided eye contact with Castor entirely.

The Duchess of Rose had sat quietly since her arrival at the war room, breaking her silence only for curt responses to the other council members. It was no secret amongst the rumor mongers of the capital’s castle that the Duchess had no fondness for Queen Annabelle, she had been quite ill-humored since the young lady had taken the throne. In the last week, the councilwoman had been downright abusive to her aides, screaming at and throwing things at them to vent her frustration with the changes to the country’s legislature; her family had lost standing and money in the fallout of the civil war. Though she seemed somewhat relieved to see Sir Bearington, her glaring side-eyes towards Castor were unsubtle.

[ass=An excellent opening post. You balanced the exposition and the tension build-up really well.]As rumbling thunder rolled through the skies above the lightning’s static hung heavy in the air, as though a bolt was just yet to crash.[/ass]

Post Word Count: 566
Total Word Count: 566

Tue Jul 12, 2022 7:17 pm

A Game of Chess

At the helm of the table, Annabelle sat with immensely anxious energy. Her eyes darted across the room at the new players, most of which she knew from the social functions her father Note used to send her off to as an olive branch between the veils.

Now those very veils are obsolete, and she ironically now rules with sovereignty. [dass]However, this fact didn't bring Annabelle joy at all, it was an unexplainable feeling of dread but in examining those emotions, what truly existed was a need to be adequate and bring pride to her family's name. [cmt]As usual, there's a bunch of character exposition throughout your writing that's best displayed through dialogue or character actions.[/cmt][/dass]

When Castor and Bearington entered the room, the games already commenced. The greetings from the most forward of the council signaled the beginning of [dass]the cold war ahead. The Duke[cmt]Choose your paragraph breaks wisely. The paragraph break that you have after the next sentence would actually have been better placed here.[/cmt][/dass] of Jewels was indeed a character, he'd accumulated much wealth due to the post-war squabbles for resources.

When the Vikings were ransacking villages, he quietly moved all of his capital to the neighboring country of Notice, securing a small fortune to re-enter the market as a major player. He's a capitalist, to say the least, and a shrewd man who understands how to pass legislation to benefit one demographic of people - merchants.

[dass]He gave Sir Bearington the chills, a simple head nod would suffice as a gesture from the Duke of Nilf.[cmt]I'm guessing the person who gave Sir Bearington the chills is the Duke of Nilf? But, if the Duke of Nilf is meant to be intimidating, this sentence feels misleading because it comes at the tail-end of the narrator describing the Duke of Jewels. Either way, this sentence is structured awkwardly. Poor placement of punctuation and paragraph breaks may be playing a part here.[/cmt][/dass] Castor didn't care much for the temperament in the room, to him whether these new officials liked him or not didn't matter.

His concern was would Annabelle be able to master their personalities in a few years without being ousted in the interim. He'd notice the brief grin from the Duke and responded with a menacing smirk of his own.

The Mayor of Hibiscus Town always had a bit of verbal diarrhea but it wasn't ill-placed he was just one to get nervous quickly and as a result, blurt out his thoughts. He'd been elected by the people unlike those at this table who'd garnered their positions through conquest and nobility.

A humble farmer who had the simple man's interest at heart, especially with the previous industry of slave trade that secretly took place at the burnt Sinclair Ports.

"Slow down Mayor. I think it's best if I briefed the Lord Duke and her highness of the situation." Sir Bearington interjected. As the thunder crackled amongst the heavens, [dass]it provided the perfect ice breaker or well, more so prompt for the information that was about to be disclosed[cmt]Rather than saying that it provided the "perfect ice-breaker" or "prompt for information" you should instead simply say it silenced the room and drew everyone's eyes to Bearington. This would be a case where you should "show", not "tell".[/cmt][/dass].

After Castor had taken his seat next to the Queen, Annabelle's nerves had calmed quite a bit.

"As you all know, we've always had quite the relationship with Flevance. [dass]Even before they joined under the World Governments umbrella...[cmt]I liked that you utilized the Flevance's [turf=/t294-turf-details-flevance]Turf Details[/turf] to highlight the fact that the Amber Kingdom was formed before Flevance became part of the World Government. It's a subtle detail and effective world-building.[/cmt][/dass] As rough as the North Blue seas are with piracy and bandits, we share information from time to time." Sir Bearington stated.

"Last night the Cathedral, Saint's Keep was robbed. Sir Leonidas of Flevance was found poisoned. The resting place of Lady Jules was found ransacked. Her body and weapon Seiryu are missing." Bearington explained in a slow calculated manner.

The anger that boiled within every fiber of Castor's body manifested as the man's third eye expanded in shock. Taking a deep breath, Nox wheeled back his bloodlust in exchange for more details.

"Jules was beloved by both the people of Flevance and Lvneel. Who would commit such a heinous crime?" Nox inquired, his expression similar to that of a crazed lunatic, on edge to snap at any moment.

"The reports claim it to be an Oni. Seventeen feet in height. Fiery Red Hair with swift movements that aren't normal for a man of his stature. He's probably responsible for Leonidas' death as well." Bearington responded in a painful tone.

"Ha." The Dutchess of Rose couldn't help to chuckle at the ridiculous report, turning her gaze to the Queen. "Those men were most likely drunk on duty. Such beings don't exist. You mean to tell me you've summoned me at these ungodly hours to discuss 'monsters'. Look no further than our capital... I deal with real monsters and looters every day due to an incompetent-" the Dutchess indiscretion was silenced by a single glare from Duke Nox.

"I'm sorry to hear about your mentor's gravesite being defiled, Duke Nox. I will send my best men to investigate the incident. Sir Bearington. Send a posse to Flevance immediately." Annabelle responded with swift action.

"I don't mean to be a bitch here. My heart aches for Sir Bastion- I mean, Lord Duke's mentor but should we be scattering our forces thin over what seems to be a fairytale, not a factual report?" The Dutchess queried.

"And if so. How will the citizens of Lvneel take it, your highness? Given Lord Castor's history of defiling the Note Family's very cathedral for an heirloom like Zaigö. Seems a bit biased." The Dutchess asked with a venomous intent to make Annabelle look inferior before Castor's eyes.

[dass][Overall comment for this post.][cmt]There were quite a few poorly placed punctuation marks in this post. It's fairly common in your writing, but it was especially noticeable to me in this particular post.[/cmt][/dass]

Word Count: 1,495

| Tagged: @Doji

Notes: N/A

Wed Jul 13, 2022 12:39 am

“Your excellency, I do earnestly believe the men of my town when they say they’ve seen this monster. If reports of this creature indicate that it is indeed an oni that would roughly match the description I was given, a 20-foot tall horned creature making its way through the forests, some of our lumberjacks barely avoided being seen by the fiend.” The Mayor of Hibiscus Town addressed Queen Annabelle respectfully, “Perhaps by investigating our countryside we may find this devil and quell the formation of further brigand outposts.”

The Mayor was pragmatic in his approach, though he was unsettled by Castor’s menacing expression and third eye, the councilman still spoke his mind earnestly and with the best interests of the people in mind. He timidly surveilled the others sitting at the table, the man was unable to read Castor, Annabelle, or Bearington, but was unnerved by the expressions of the other members of the Council. The Nobility of the table seemed quite irritated with what amounted to a commoner speaking his mind on their affairs.

“Why should we even go that far? If we’re concerned with the security of our cities, then we’d be better off withdrawing our men and establishing martial law. We should affirm the authority of our new, and pardon my judgment your excellency, rather inexperienced crown before we go gallivanting about the countryside chasing after the hallucinations of some rambling bumpkins,” The Duchess spoke [dass]with a cruel and dismissive tone, treating the mayor as a raving fool for listening to the commoners[cmt]Unnecessary details - her words were enough to paint this picture. You would've been better off using a more descriptive verb to highlight her tone (e.g. "...some rambling bumpkins," the Duchess hissed.) If you really wanted to hammer home the fact that she was talking about the mayor, you could have shown it rather than telling it (e.g. "...some rambling bumpkins," the Duchess hissed, eyeing the Mayor briefly.)[/cmt][/dass].

Lightning flickered in the sky as the room went silent [dass]for a moment, for a moment[cmt]Try and be mindful of repeating phrases in close proximity.[/cmt][/dass] the only sound in the room was the beating of the rain against the window-pane.

“What is it that we, the people of Hibiscus Town, have done to prove ourselves so incompetent your lordship?” The Mayor responded to the Duchess with decorum [dass]but was visibly frustrated with her insult[cmt]Don't tell me he was visibly frustrated. Show me how his frustration was visible. Otherwise, simply say "The frustrated Mayor responded to the Duchess with decorum."[/cmt][/dass].

“Well, I don’t imagine a very competent lot allowing their port to be burned and ransacked. Out of all our settlements, yours would be best served by a martial lockdown. Perhaps with some help, you could keep your provincials in check., then you wouldn’t need to worry about bandits barricading themselves off in your hills. Perhaps we’d best defer to Lord Castor!” The woman retorted with a sneer [dass]at the Mayor and a wink toward her lord[cmt]Maybe I misread this or Lazzy's earlier character exposition completely, but it absolutely seemed like this duchess loathed Castor. Her winking at him and deferring to his judgment seems kind of out of character. If this is meant to be sarcastic, it does not come off that way. It seems borderline flirtatious.[/cmt][/dass].

The drunken Duke of Jewel chuckled to himself at the bickering between his fellow council members as he took another swig from his wine. The Duke of Aube looked around frantically, unsettled at the building tension and talk of incompetence. These two men seemed content to be overlooked in the Duchess’ squabbling and rested patiently on their laurels a bit as they were not the center of attention.

After some [dass]6 seconds[cmt]In creative writing (and also in formal writing), it's advised that smaller numbers be spelled out. But, that aside, being specific with the number of seconds was probably unnecessary. "After a few seconds of bitter silence..." would've been better prose.[/cmt][/dass] of bitter silence had passed thunder rumbled once more as the Duchess and Mayor turned to face Castor and Bearington, as though on cue with the paltry performance of the dramatic dame.

Post Word Count: 502
Total Word Count: 1,068

Wed Jul 13, 2022 1:35 am

A Game of Chess

"As much as I appreciate the gesture my Queen and though I usually wouldn't undermine your authority - I'll have my men pursue the county side demon." Castor declared swiftly. "I recommend you offer the same manpower to the Dutchesses cause. As it seems she's having trouble keeping her Providence in order." Castor responded cunningly.

Huffing and puffing, "I have no such problem! Thank you very much. The Captial has been quiet due to my influence and my men's hard work." the [ass=duchess*]dutchess[/ass] shouted cheeks inflated like a puffer fish.

"In the case of martial law. It'd have to disagree." The stoic Duke of Aube finally jumped in with a monotone voice. "The people have just been placed through a great ordeal. Many have lost loved ones and family members to our internal spats. I think we should handle this issue discretely." The Duke concluded.

"I concur." Sir Bearington chimed in. "Even in Nilf... Many of the farmers have been finding hope in the Vineyard Project started by the Queen and his Dukeship." Bearington explained. "To trap them in their homes now would be a great injustice. I shall send a few of the old coots from the Nilf Regime to check on the situation in Flevance and offer our condolences over Sir Leonidas." Bearington concluded.

"Shall we offer a bounty on this monster's head? Surely the riches of the once glorious Montblanc's have some spare berri for the people to rally for." The Duke of Jewels maliciously commented. Knowing all too well he had a trained back of mercenaries on speed dial to send after the bounty.

"I-I shall offer a spot on the Royal Knights guard to anyone who can subdue the culprit." Queen Annabelle interjected. "The Crown cannot afford to be shelling out cash rewards, especially after Sir Dax's treason. Our reserves are low. If it wasn't for Castor reclaiming the slush funds of former corrupt nobles... Lvneel would be in dire need." Annabelle thought internally.

"Gotcha." The Dutchess thought to herself. "Oh my. Is it that the crown can't afford a simple cash reward for an imaginary threat? I guess the rumors of the National Treasury being hit by the fleeing Saint Dax was true." [dass]The Dutchess declared, knowing very well she was and still is on Dax's payroll currently[cmt]Be careful about head-hopping. Jumping perspectives within a single scene can often lead to a jarring experience for the reader.[/cmt][/dass].

"Gashi Gashi Gashi" Nox busted out in laughter with the Queen joining in, almost unable to control herself from bursting out in unladylike laughter herself.

"Saint? Who in the world gave him that title?" The [ass=Not gonna lie, knowing she is under age makes me cringe at this.]power couple[/ass] declared simultaneously.

Word Count: 1,917

| Tagged: @Doji

Notes: N/A

[Arc] [Part I] The Grave Robber - Old Wounds Won't Heal In A Day