[Episode] Why No, I Don't Dance But When I Do, It's Almost Criminal

+ [Both the single mother and her child’s eyes opened wide at the absorbent amount given to...] I assume you meant absurd or exorbitant?

+ [...a wave of his hand in dismay...] I assume you meant "dismissal". This is why I keep insisting you re-read your posts thoroughly. The odd word choice can sour an otherwise sweet post.

+ [ It wasn’t often that the pirate captain would encounter anyone shorter than him but he’d take this occasion to bend down pridefully, with a smug look on his face in front of the old heckler. ] Hah! I enjoyed Castor's pettiness here.

+ [...verbertum...] It's "verbatim".

+ [...The Powder will be sold in auction style...] "The powder will be auctioned off" might work better.

+ How the fuck does Castor slide Iris into his shoulder segment (not sure what you even mean by shoulder segment, to be fair)? Isn't that spear eight feet long?

+ [Due to most of the items or weapons being seen as acts of treason or downright illegal.] When you use the phrase "or downright" before an adjective, that adjective should escalate from your previous description of the subject. In this instance, the correct way of describing this would have been "seen as illegal or downright acts of treason". An act of treason is illegal in itself. It's an escalation from the more general description, i.e. "illegal".

+ [Rest assured, every room is guarded by a Three Star Bounty Hunter.] You gathered not one, but, multiple Impies together. Please run things like this by me first, especially in the Blues.

+ [and the last man I met who blurred those lines of perception for me… Ended up conquering the New World…] Who now?

+ Castor acted very uncharacteristically early on in this thread without proper justification. From what I've seen, his M.O. is to stay low-key until he's forced to act rashly. Killing people who might have information he needs seems to be an out-of-place risk.

+ [“Welcome to all of our auctioneers. Whether here with us in person or via Den Den Stream, your time is indeed valuable. I am Juice. At times a pirate, at others an ally but tonight, I am a host. Tonight we’ll be auctioning off three items. The system is simple. In your room, you’ll see a small interface on a kiosk in front of you. On this device, compliments of the New World Scientist, you can enter whatever amount you wish, and confirm with the ‘green’ check or decline with the ‘red x.” Juice explained.

“For those at home, a predetermined device - a special Den Den Mushi has been provided.] Touchscreen technology seems a bit too advanced for the OP world. I'm taking the liberty of retconning this tech and pretending they were pressing physical buttons or something.

+ [300,000,000 Million] 300 million million?

+ [5-5--5-500 Million Dollars] Berries.

+ [“Now things are about to get very interesting.”] Things are already pretty interesting. Castor saying this makes it less interesting.

+ [Sending a jolt through the man’s shoulder, the guard jerked, reaching for his weapon but what awaited him, was a fine piece of steel, and a sadistic Imp’s grin.] Incorrect and overuse of commas can make a sentence harder to read. Here is a rewrite of your sentence. Note that I've ignored other significant errors in this sentence to focus on the punctuation. [Sending a jolt through the man's shoulder, the guard jerked, reaching for his weapon. But, what awaited him was a fine piece of steel and a sadistic imp's grin.] The other issue with this sentence is how you wrote "Sending a jolt through the man's shoulder". The sentence reads as if the guard is the one who sent a jolt through "the man's" shoulder. I would've written the sentence like so... [Feeling a jolt through his shoulder, the guard jerked and reached for his weapon. But, a fine piece of steel and a sadistic imp's grin awaited him.]

+ You really like robots, huh? Note that autonomous robots are incredibly advanced technologies that should not be thrown around willy-nilly. Even in canon, while we've seen crazy technologies like genetically modified people and cyborgs, I can't recall any self-sufficient robots besides the automata in Enel's cover story. As such, I'm going to pretend that those robotic spiders were actually drones being controlled by someone, somehow.

+ ...Minerva is level 77? How are you going to explain the massive drop in her level when she becomes a companion?

+ Love how Castor is affected by rubber bullets!

+ [“Quick reflexes. Alright. Let’s see if I can break that little defense of yours.”] Flat one-liner.

+ Where the hell did "Congo" come from in this post? GREG was already knocked unconscious RP-wise in Maxwell's previous post. Also, you didn't even acknowledge the dialogue Maxwell tried to have with Minerva in his post. As the plot driver, you should be careful not to get so caught up in your own plot that you forget the player characters RPing with you.

+ You forgot to fill out the opponent techniques used in this post.

+ [Using his radar’s frequency detection to isolate the point, Castor would use his Kenbunshoku Haki to zero in on the exact position of the bomb in her shoulder.] Sakamoto desu ka?

+ [Congo, the gorilla man shouted. Smirking at Congo, Castor summoned another electrical bird which he’d hop on top of, ascending towards the ceiling a slow creep.] This seems to be written from Castor's perspective. If Castor doesn't know a character's name, you should not use it in his narration.

+ [Summoning a second electrical bird, the winged beast would descend at lightning speed, picking up Richard by his collar and ascended sky bound.] Rather than doing this, you should've looked up "electrostatic levitation" and applied it to Richard. Instead, you straight-up just electrocuted the poor man (or that's how Richard should've been affected by it anyway).

+ Juice's personality pulled a major 180 at the end there, and not in a good way. He killed everyone at the auction because he didn't want his reputation ruined. Okay, fair enough, I'm with you so far. But, he was planning on fleecing his customers in the first place by selling them counterfeit products? That would ruin his reputation even more. Don't throw in twists for the sake of twists. You have to seriously consider the implications of said twists.

+ [Keeping an ear out for any pursuers using his radar, the small posse of four landed by a rocky coast where the Full Rigged Vessel ominously drifted against the waves.] A small posse? I feel like the giant alone makes the posse massive. Also, did Castor literally fly Stannis the whole way there? Moderation is key. Save the grand feats for the Grand Line.

+ [Red Devil commented, tossing photographs of Castor’s estranged mother onto his laboratory’s work table.] If you wanted to build mystery here, here is how you should have phrased it: [ The seemingly blind man commented, [Describe him further if you need to instead of directly calling him the Red Devil in narration.] tossing photographs of a three-eyed woman onto his laboratory's work table.]

+ Excellent intro as always. You set the quaint little town vibe perfectly.

+ Your paragraphs during dialogue exchanges are just a bit too long at times - though your paragraph breaks are clean and placed properly before changes in subjects. See below for an example of how you could've further broken up a paragraph from your second post.
[ Richard recoiled back, wheezing for air. “W-well, when you put it like that... eheh...”

He hurried to fix his tie and rummaged through his mental banks for his most disarming negotiation tone. “B-but a man’s gotta eat, you know. Sooo you wouldn’t happen to know any... uh... less than honest folk then?”

The mere suggestion was met with a toxic glare.

“Hrm...” After weighing the options, the tavern keeper eventually relented. “I hear there’s an aucti’n happening at the old plantation up the road... Word is their wares ain’t ‘xactly the legal sort...” He knew trying to forbid the conman from selling the stuff at all was about as effective as carrying water with a sieve. His best bet was shooing him away somewhere else. Make him someone else’s problem. ]
Also note that in the last paragraph in this example, the perspective shifts from Maxwell to the tavern-keeper. A paragraph break before it allows for a less jarring shift.

+ [ In his opinion as a former medical professional, this seemed like a clear case of someone else’s problem. Highly contagious too. Sticking around for too long would inevitably make it his problem. ] Loved that bit!

+ Gotta love it when the angel and the devil on your shoulders agree on a course of action.

+ I'll be using the second paragraph of this post as another example of breaking a paragraph down further:
[ Suddenly, the hastiest of the mechanized creatures lunged at the crook. He staggered back, only narrowly avoiding a sharp metal leg. It slashed his flopping tie in half before skewering the stone floor.

His jaw dropped.

He couldn’t believe his bulging eyes. Cold sweat ran down his neck. His heartbeat skyrocketed, the unmistakable tune of terror.

When the second robot leapt, every muscle, every fiber of his being tensed... And he dashed! Another narrow miss tore a bit of his coat. He rushed past the spider barricade, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

They said fear gave you wings... But a cocktail of performance-enhancing drugs certainly helped as well. While he couldn’t be called fast as lightning, especially not with an actual lightning man present, the fearful sprint was still undeniably superhuman. ]

+ I like how Lady Luck is basically her own character in Maxwell's story by this point.

+ [...the insulting epitaph...] I assume you meant "epithet" here. "Epitaph" would be the inscription on a grave. Something tells me Maxwell will be buried in an unmarked grave, or, left for the rats and crows when he finally meets his demise.

+ Loved the heartfelt moment of mutual understanding between Greg and Maxwell.

+ [The last time he had heard anyone calling anything ‘a beaut’ was this one energetic foreign bloke referring to an alligator.] Nice Steve Irwin reference!

+ [Nothing ever happened in Ilusia.] Except when the Chief-of-Staff of a certain global terrorist organisation allegedly attacks an Ilusian city.

Difficulty Bonus: +0% (+0)
Quality Bonus: +200% (S)
Length Bonus: 2.00 (10,000+ words)
EXP Multiplier: +10%
Income Multiplier: +10%

EXP: +310 (2 * 50) * (1 + 0 + 2 + 0.1)
Berries: +124,000,000 (2 * 80 * 250k) * (1 + 0 + 2 + 0.1)
Bounty: +0 | {Castor's bounty is already way too high for the Blues.}

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Old EXP: 7748
Updated EXP: 8058 (Any EXP beyond that Castor acquires in the Blues from now on must be channelled to another character.)

Old balance: 89,504,688
Updated balance: 213,504,688

Difficulty Bonus: -20% (-2) {From Castor interfering with the boss.}
Quality Bonus: +200% (S)
Length Bonus: 2.00 (10,000+ words)
EXP Multiplier: +10% (from Castor's Punchout Guru)
Income Multiplier: +0%

EXP: +290 (EXP directed to Ryoichi Ayugai) (2 * 50) * (1 + (-0.2) + 2 + 0.1)
Berries: +99,400,000 (2 * 71 * 250k) * (1 + (-0.2) + 2 + 0)
Bounty: +16,000,000 | {Maxwell is now more notorious in the underworld. Those in the underworld have some pull in the World Government. A small bounty increase is justifiable.}

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Old EXP: 6845
Updated EXP: 6845

Ryoichi Ayugai:

Old balance: 2,005,000
Updated balance: 101,405,000