Re: Big Guns [Arc Part 3]

Mon Feb 10, 2020 12:12 pm

The wounded woman’s gaze widened ever so slightly. Surprise shined clear in those eyes. She could only listen quietly, having neither the energy nor the clarity to respond. His words clashed against her beliefs like two blades drawing sparks against each other. However, as difficult as she found it to understand, she did her best to accept it as the truth. The word of a superior was absolute. Even if it made no sense. “Thy words are too kind, thy intentions too pure...” Between the weak breaths, she suppressed a sniffle. The marine code did not approve of bawling before one’s superior. Had to... keep it in...

When Anton presented his question, Yumiko averted her gaze. She truly didn’t understand how he could ask something like that... From someone who wasn’t worthy. After a moment of silence, she had gathered enough courage (and energy) to speak. “Wherever my master goes, I shall follow...” She shifted her eye back onto him. “I owe my life to thee... now and forever...” Her breath was running short. Sleep was pulling her back. The final words came out as barely a whisper. “This debt I shall repay... or die... trying...” For those who didn’t speak archaic samurai dialect, her answer meant yes. ...Or more accurately, he was now stuck with her, whether he liked it or not.

As the swordswoman passed out again, the only sound remaining was the tireless ticking of the clock. Tick, tock, tick, tock... Time marched on in its own, relentless rhythm. Physical wounds would heal in weeks, maybe months. Mental ones, well, those tended to take a little longer. To say the brand new crew’s story was off to an awkward, even painful start was something of an understatement. Heading out to the sea might not really make their life any easier either. Maybe Anton would come to regret having given Yumiko a choice at all. Maybe not. But that would be a whole different story anyway...

Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:12 pm

Anton looked down at Yumiko as she slowly drifted back into unconsciousness, giving her a warm smile. He had a feeling she'd choose to continue with him. No doubt the mental burden she was carrying would certainly prove great. But that's what they were there for. To help her with that.

"I'm honoured," he said with a warm smile.

Meanwhile, in the Grand Line...

"Those damn idiots..." Mephisto snarled, looking at the newspaper in his hand. "Kill a marine captain. It shouldn't be that hard. And instead, they cause a fiasco by attacking a marine base!" With a growl of frustration, he tore the newspaper in half, his long, dark hair falling messily over his face. The lean man paused, taking a deep breath to compose himself, before brushing his hair out of his face and pushed up his glasses.

Mephisto:

There was a soft chuckle from the darkness. "Well, he's certainly full of surprises, isn't he?" Mephisto shot a glare into the darkness. "I'm so glad you find something amusing about all of this." he said sharply. He let out a small sigh. "This is going to prove problematic. I had hoped to do this WITHOUT drawing marine attention. A captain dying in a fight is one thing, but an attack on a marine base!?"

"What shall we do?" Came another voice in the darkness. Mephisto glanced over at them. "Suspend the contract for now. Sending any more assassins would only cause more problems, and potentially draw the marine's attention in our direction. We'll leave Mr. La'croix alone for now. See how all of this plays out."

[END]

Tue Feb 11, 2020 11:14 pm

GRADING

COMMENTS

@Anton La'croix
Part 1:I loved how Anton was strong in his fight(and subsequent ones). It shows his growth. Usually with surprise attacks, he freaks out before assessing the situation but tons of episodes, and bouts with Sea Kings seemed to have taught him the lesson of expect anything.
Note:Mentioned this before Anton but if you're not using the Technique on an opponent, it really shouldn't be used in your dice roll count.
Part 2:

RP Exert wrote:

"And I'm guessing you two are also...wait...he called himself Destroyman?" Any tension was broken by the the revelation of the assassin's name.

Dr. Peace's own expression fell flat. "Yes, he actually calls himself that. Honestly, the guy's a bit of an embarrassment. Kinda glad you took him down."

I laughed out so loud when I read this. Nice comic relief.

RP Exert wrote: "But the difference between then and now. Now I at least know what's trying to kill me. In a sense, it's almost a relief. I know exactly what I need to do, instead of waiting for it to come out of the shadows." Dr Peace blinked again before smirking. "Sounds like a natural born fighter to me." Anton shook his head. "No, just someone who hates suspense."

Some dialogue explaining Anton's mind state and why we're seeing growth from him. Finding comfort in knowing immediate danger awaits because of his job, and Dr.Peace's comeback made for delightful dialogue.

However, all I wanted from this was just a little more 'flesh' as to why Anton was a coward. Maybe a flashback to his childhood and upbringing. That would've sealed the exchange between him and Dr.Peace for me.

Part 3: See General Comments.

COMMENTS

@Yumiko

Part 1: What can I say, I'm a sucker for Yumiko. I love how she's characterized.
The apologetic gags, the running theme of being Anton's shadow after only meeting for mere minutes, and the little quirks she has like cheering him on while fighting, and being bounded by her code to not interrupt.

Part 2:Nothing much report here. Yumiko followed as suit in her endeavors. It was interesting seeing her take on an opponent without her blade though, and as per usual, well, becoming a common plot-line is her dotting on Anton.

Part 3: See General Comments.

General Comments:

The characterization of each of your characters in the opening moments of the thread was spot on. (Part I)
Yumiko getting Anton's name wrong and then following him around the ship was priceless.
The exchange between Yumiko and the female assassin was hilarious. The oblivious nature to the world, really showcases her being a native of Wano, an island that's cut off from the outside world.
Good to see Anton a little bit more confident in the opening moments of a fight.
Usually, he'd cower away or run but he's standing his ground.
Yumiko took out her fans and cheered Anton on like a real one. I really loved this scene, I just imagined her serious expression, as she did it too!
Her willingness to commit seppaku, I loved how she's characterized as this somewhat comical, yet, serious type.
Compliments to you both, the fight scenes flew by effortless thanks to your descriptions.
You handled this situation like a true Captain. Almost freaked out when Anton stopped Bad Girl, that scene was so badass. (Part 3)
Hopefully, Yumiko learns that fighting as a crew is essential moving forward. Interested to see some character development post this whole fiasco.
Well done. I really can't emphasize how much I enjoyed reading this. The back and forth, the rolls. I felt like I was reading an early fight between the weaker SH in OP series.
Anton. Just nitpicking, in the early stages of the arc, a few of small errors were made in your calculations. Just check over just to be sure.

Example wrote:
1. Careful how you fill out your techniques, small error, just you used an MT but put it down as a HT.

2. In Part I, Reflex was actually 43% not 46. Be careful when calculating ratios.

@Yumiko

REWARDS

Yumiko
Difficulty Bonus: +45% (+1) (Percentage Boosted to 45% due to two knockouts. Damage Requirement was met.)
Quality Bonus: +100% (S)

EXP: +638 [ 250 + (100%*250) + (45%*250) ] + Subtotal (613)*0.04 = 25
Berries:31,360,000 [(16*800k) -12,800,000 + (45%*16*800k) - 5,760,000 + (100%*16*800k) - 12,800,000]]
Bounty: N/A

Old balance: ~~50,000~~

Updated balance: 31,410,000

@Anton La'croix

REWARDS

Anton La'croix
Difficulty Bonus: +25% (+1)
Quality Bonus: +100% (S)

EXP: +619 [ 250 + (100%*250) + (25%*250) ] + Subtotal (563)*0.1 = 56]
Berries: 82,800,000 [(46*800k) -36,800,000 + (25%*46*800k) - 9,200,000 + (100%*46*800k) - 36,800,000]]
Rear Admiral Bonus:91,080,000
Bounty: | {N/A}

Old balance: ~~60,875,000~~

Updated balance: 151,955,000