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Vígdís "Cold Feet" Empty Vígdís "Cold Feet"

This post has in-line assessment comments.Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:31 pm
Delete.


Last edited by Vígdís on Wed Jan 22, 2020 4:16 pm; edited 16 times in total
Gray
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species/Tribe : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]

[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3990

Vígdís "Cold Feet" Empty Re: Vígdís "Cold Feet"

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jan 15, 2020 9:21 am
Everything was going fine until I started reading the history (though her age did make me uncomfortable). I'm afraid I'll have to reject your entire history. No concessions, no corrections. Please rewrite it completely. Within your single history, you've just created lore for the entirety of Revival Dawn which I am not interested in implementing. At one point, I even saw mention of Valkyries conquering "planets", which makes me believe this history may have been ported over from somewhere else and edited to fit the One Piece world. And, to be honest, I was not at all a fan of so many blatant uses of titles and names from popular media. "King in the North"? "Warden of the North"? "Kattegat"? I like both of those TV shows too but come on dude.

At most, you can define lore for her home island (and that too, should likely be a non-canon island, since all canon islands have island descriptions on the site that need to be conformed to). Her being 300 years old would also cause issues with the site's plot. I'm not sure if you've read the The Revived Era - which sets up the world for the site, 300 years ago, the world was in the "Void Era". No knowledge from that era has survived to be available to player characters at the moment, as it is important for us to reveal the Void Era's secrets through World Events that drive the site's plot.

Vígdís wrote:

Vígdís


Vígdís "Cold Feet" A833585255e1efcb7db43d8a49f9e1fa

Basic Character Information


Starting Bonus: Tough Guy. | [Starting Bonus Roll]

First Name: Vígdís
Epithet: Cold-Feet
Former Epithets: Winter General; V-23; Valkyrie, Queen of Winter, Whore of Summer; Ice Queen; World's Strongest Woman; King with Tits; Skuld (marine codename).
Age: 46 (biologically; 300+ (chronologically)
Gender: Trans
Race: Cyborg
Faction: Marine
Profession:
Retired Captain—A former captain, Vígdís was once one of the greatest pirates to ever live and knows all it takes to be a good one.
First Mate—While a great captain, Vígdís personally prefers the role of the first mate, and is currently looking for a good captain.
Navigator—Havinf sailed all the seas before, Vígdís would have picked up the essence of what it takes to be a navigator.


Physical Appearance


Height: 9'9" • 10'5" (in uniform)
Weight: 473 lbs (214 kg) • 1077 lbs (488 kg) (with prosthetic arm & leg)

Hair Style: Bald • Straightened (wig)
Hair Color: Icy blue
Eye Color: Ocean blue
Scars: Amputated left arm, right leg and missing right eye. 56 blade wounds & 33 bullet wounds, amongst other minor bruises.
Clothing and Accessories: Vígdís can usually be found in her own custom Marine uniform, consisting of a daringly short and low cut white and black mini dress. With this, on her arms she wears a pair of black evening gloves, thigh high 8-inch heeled boots, a black belt and an elaborate collar. On her hip, she would keep her rapier sword, Winter's Song; she would usually keep a pair of handcuffs on her belt, a compass and a flintlock pistol secretly strapped to her thigh beneath her skirt.

When she isn't in uniform, Vígdís is in fact known to dress quite effeminate, with her favoured wear being sundresses of assorted colours and designs. She would usually steal the marine t-shirts of the larger guys in the crew to sleep in, and unless she has somewhere to go or commanded by her superior to change, she would usually just stay in large t-shirts all day on deck. Her feet usually covered in sandals. Jewelry is give or take with her, as she in fact loves it, but unless she's really dressing to impress, she usually just sticks to simple earrings.

Description: The people of Kattegat were known for their massive size. Vígdís herself towers over the average man or woman, while in fact being quite short by Kattegat standards. She has a athletic built, which consists of a balance of enough muscle for power, but not too much to hinder her speed, which with her height can make her seem skinny.

In spite of her age (chronologically or biologically), she doesn't look a day over thirty. By any human standards, she is considered beautiful, with blemish free skin and alluring features. She is pretty much always seen smiling, even in serious or terrifying moments. A little known secret is that she is in fact bald and wears a wig, preferring to shave her head regularly.

As a cyborg, she is usually seen lugging around a cybernetic arm, leg and eye. All three prosthetics are designed to blend in however, with the arm and leg being skin coloured and able to function like a regular arm without flaw, and her eyes looking as a regular eye would, and so, most people could never tell the difference except for the weight. She is personally comfortable with her amputations however, and so, she usually has no qualms to taking them off in front of others, and in her downtime, usually goes without them, preferring to hop around on one leg than carry the pieces of shit around.



The Past


Main Traits: Reckless, blunt, immodest, crazy, deceptive, laid-back, carefree, cunning, calculating, manipulative.
Likes: Fighting, booze, singing, fucking, partying, sailing, adventuring, dancing, swearing, stinky smells of her fellow pirates, strategy games, extreme temperatures, okama, kids.
Dislikes: Chickens, pointless killing, clean smells, the word "ensign", men who don't fight women, women who don't cook & clean, being on land, vegetables.
Unique laugh: Woof woof woof! & Hohohohoho!

Hometown: Korangar
Personality: Vigdis is best described as "a hard pill to swallow".

A former pirate, she retains all the traits of her former career. She is not your goody too shoes brand of pirate unfortunately. She has killed, she has pillaged, she has plundered, she has raped, she has done it all, and even as a Marine, she continues to do so where opportune. And even as a Marine, she spends most of her days in various bars around North Blue either drinking until she is passed out drunk, fucking whatever breathes or fighting until she is black and blue.

To most, it seems she rarely, if ever, takes anything seriously. She's carefree
and can die with a smile at her lips as long as she had her share of fun. And unfortunately for those around her, there is virtually nothing she wouldn't find fun. If one person finds it fun, then she will make the best out of a bad situation and find her own entertainment.

As a Marine she remains a controversial figure, unafraid to do whatsoever she pleases. She is a perpetual joker and is provocative to a fault. She enjoys nothing more than goading on those around her, and regularly does so regardless the circumstance. She would insult superiors and equals alike, and would be disappointed if there wasn't some kind of penalty for her disrespect. She does deny being a masochist however, and honestly thinks those people are the real crazy ones.

While most would see her as a joker, and so think she's stupid, she's anything but. While she maintains s facade of nonchalance, she is in fact always planning, always scheming, always analysing. She didn't become a first class pirate through her strength, but rather her brains. She is a genius in her own right, especially when it comes to psychological warfare

Patience is a virtue which she bares more than anyone. She can spend years playing and assuming a role until the moment is right to make a move. And so, she is never to be trusted. She believes in the long con, and to her a good con is just as good as a good fight.

While her loyalty may be hard to earn, she does believe greatly in nakamaship. She would die for those whom are loyal to her, and vice versa. She overall has a "wolf pack mentality", as she knows there's strength in numbers, however this mentality also means she believes only the strongest is meant to lead. If someone can prove their worth to her, she would gladly bend a knee and follow then to gel and back until they prover unfit to lead. Weakness will not be tolerated.

She is known to at times put a great deal of interest in religion, fate, and even the dreams of men. She strongly worships the germanic gods, regularly praying to them and doing things in their order, which still doesn't stop her from insulting even them, but still her faith is strong. With that, her seemingly reckless behavior can best be attributed to her own belief in fate and destiny.

She is known to be often times have contradicting views of feminism and misogyny. She identifies as more male than female, and believes that women are to be submissive and obedient. Still, she's anything but delusional, and so she's not one to deny she's still more man than woman. She's not adverse to using her feminine charms to get her way, and is often a bit of a mother hen when she's around the guys, often times cleaning or cooking for her crew.

Like most pirates she is naturally a very quirky person, with three quirks in particular standing out. The first is her terrible relationship with cats; for some reason the like fur balls absolutely hate her guts and the mere sight of her causes them to attack her. The second is her inability to stay on land for too long; a sailor at heart, being on land for any more than a few hours causes her diarrhoea. Lastly, she is incapable of opening doorknobs. She also has a fear of chickens.

Alas, while the Viking woman maintains her dominant personality, it is a little known fact that she is a but a shell of herself. Not just, physically, but psychologically. She is eternally doomed to follow rather than to lead, for without another person to give her commands and tell her what to do, she reverts to the weak, acted little girl she once was.

History:
Gray
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species/Tribe : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]

[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3990

Vígdís "Cold Feet" Empty Re: Vígdís "Cold Feet"

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Jan 20, 2020 3:11 pm
[ See comments in red. ]

Vígdís wrote:

Vígdís


Vígdís "Cold Feet" A833585255e1efcb7db43d8a49f9e1fa

Basic Character Information


Starting Bonus: Tough Guy. | [Starting Bonus Roll]

First Name: Vígdís
Epithet: Cold-Feet
Age: 46 (biologically; 300+ (chronologically) [ I realise that your character doesn't remember what happened 300 years ago, but the fact that your character is 300 years old means that your history is set in the Void Era. What I was trying to say in my previous batch of comments is that we don't want anything about the world state during the Void Era revealed outside of Site Events. In shorter words - you may not be 300 years old. ]
Gender: Trans
Race: Cyborg
Faction: Marine
Profession:
Retired Captain—A former captain, Vígdís was once one of the greatest pirates to ever live and knows all it takes to be a good one.
First Mate—While a great captain, Vígdís personally prefers the role of the first mate, and is currently looking for a good captain.
Navigator—Having sailed all the seas before, Vígdís would have picked up the essence of what it takes to be a navigator.


Physical Appearance


Height: 9'9" • 10'5" (in uniform)
Weight: 473 lbs (214 kg) • 1077 lbs (488 kg) (with prosthetic arm & leg)

Hair Style: Bald • Straightened (wig)
Hair Color: Icy blue
Eye Color: Ocean blue
Scars: Amputated left arm, right leg and missing right eye. 56 blade wounds & 33 bullet wounds, amongst other minor bruises.
Clothing and Accessories: Vígdís can usually be found in her own custom Marine uniform, consisting of a daringly short and low cut white and black mini dress. With this, on her arms she wears a pair of black evening gloves, thigh high 8-inch heeled boots, a black belt and an elaborate collar. On her hip, she would keep her rapier sword, Winter's Song; she would usually keep a pair of handcuffs on her belt, a compass and a flintlock pistol secretly strapped to her thigh beneath her skirt.

When she isn't in uniform, Vígdís is in fact known to dress quite effeminate, with her favoured wear being sundresses of assorted colours and designs. She would usually steal the marine t-shirts of the larger guys in the crew to sleep in, and unless she has somewhere to go or commanded by her superior to change, she would usually just stay in large t-shirts all day on deck. Her feet usually covered in sandals. Jewelry is give or take with her, as she in fact loves it, but unless she's really dressing to impress, she usually just sticks to simple earrings.

Description: The people of Kattegat were known for their massive size. Vígdís herself towers over the average man or woman, while in fact being quite short by Kattegat standards. She has a athletic built, which consists of a balance of enough muscle for power, but not too much to hinder her speed, which with her height can make her seem skinny.

In spite of her age (chronologically or biologically), she doesn't look a day over thirty. By any human standards, she is considered beautiful, with blemish free skin and alluring features. She is pretty much always seen smiling, even in serious or terrifying moments. A little known secret is that she is in fact bald and wears a wig, preferring to shave her head regularly.

As a cyborg, she is usually seen lugging around a cybernetic arm, leg and eye. All three prosthetics are designed to blend in however, with the arm and leg being skin coloured and able to function like a regular arm without flaw, and her eyes looking as a regular eye would, and so, most people could never tell the difference except for the weight. She is personally comfortable with her amputations however, and so, she usually has no qualms to taking them off in front of others, and in her downtime, usually goes without them, preferring to hop around on one leg than carry the pieces of shit around.



The Past


Main Traits: Reckless, blunt, immodest, crazy, deceptive, laid-back, carefree, cunning, calculating, manipulative.
Likes: Fighting, booze, singing, fucking, partying, sailing, adventuring, dancing, swearing, stinky smells of her fellow pirates, strategy games, extreme temperatures, okama, kids.
Dislikes: Chickens, pointless killing, clean smells, the word "ensign", men who don't fight women, women who don't cook & clean, being on land, vegetables.
Unique laugh: Woof woof woof! & Hohohohoho!

Hometown: Miðgarðr
Personality: Vigdis is best described as "a hard pill to swallow".

A former pirate, she retains all the traits of her former career. She is not your goody too shoes brand of pirate unfortunately. She has killed, she has pillaged, she has plundered, she has raped, she has done it all, and even as a Marine, she continues to do so where opportune. And even as a Marine, she spends most of her days in various bars around North Blue either drinking until she is passed out drunk, fucking whatever breathes or fighting until she is black and blue.

To most, it seems she rarely, if ever, takes anything seriously. She's carefree and can die with a smile at her lips as long as she had her share of fun. And unfortunately for those around her, there is virtually nothing she wouldn't find fun. If one person finds it fun, then she will make the best out of a bad situation and find her own entertainment.

As a Marine she remains a controversial figure, unafraid to do whatsoever she pleases. She is a perpetual joker and is provocative to a fault. She enjoys nothing more than goading on those around her, and regularly does so regardless the circumstance. She would insult superiors and equals alike, and would be disappointed if there wasn't some kind of penalty for her disrespect. She does deny being a masochist however, and honestly thinks those people are the real crazy ones.

While most would see her as a joker, and so think she's stupid, she's anything but. While she maintains a facade of nonchalance, she is in fact always planning, always scheming, always analysing. She didn't become a first class pirate through her strength, but rather her brains. She is a genius in her own right, especially when it comes to psychological warfare

Patience is a virtue which she bares more than anyone. She can spend years playing and assuming a role until the moment is right to make a move. And so, she is never to be trusted. She believes in the long con, and to her a good con is just as good as a good fight.

While her loyalty may be hard to earn, she does believe greatly in nakamaship. She would die for those whom are loyal to her, and vice versa. She overall has a "wolf pack mentality", as she knows there's strength in numbers, however this mentality also means she believes only the strongest is meant to lead. If someone can prove their worth to her, she would gladly bend a knee and follow then to gel and back until they prover unfit to lead. Weakness will not be tolerated.

She is known to at times put a great deal of interest in religion, fate, and even the dreams of men. She strongly worships the germanic gods, regularly praying to them and doing things in their order, which still doesn't stop her from insulting even them, but still her faith is strong. With that, her seemingly reckless behavior can best be attributed to her own belief in fate and destiny.

She is known to be often times have contradicting views of feminism and misogyny. She identifies as more male than female, and believes that women are to be submissive and obedient. Still, she's anything but delusional, and so she's not one to deny she's still more man than woman. She's not adverse to using her feminine charms to get her way, and is often a bit of a mother hen when she's around the guys, often times cleaning or cooking for her crew.

Like most pirates she is naturally a very quirky person, with three quirks in particular standing out. The first is her terrible relationship with cats; for some reason the like fur balls absolutely hate her guts and the mere sight of her causes them to attack her. The second is her inability to stay on land for too long; a sailor at heart, being on land for any more than a few hours causes her diarrhoea. Lastly, she is incapable of opening doorknobs. She also has a fear of chickens.

Alas, while the Viking woman maintains her dominant personality, it is a little known fact that she is a but a shell of herself. Not just, physically, but psychologically. She is eternally doomed to follow rather than to lead, for without another person to give her commands and tell her what to do, she reverts to the weak, acted little girl she once was.

History:
Anonymous
Guest
Guest

Vígdís "Cold Feet" Empty Re: Vígdís "Cold Feet"

This post has in-line assessment comments.Wed Jan 22, 2020 2:03 pm
Hello! I haven't had to deny an app before so please bare with me. No comments in red this time. While we are delighted that you have shown interest in the site, I am going to have to ask you to redo your entire history and make sure that it reflects a level 10/100 character or a level 1/100 character if you're not going to start at level 10.

You have written a history that is so grandiose and so amazing that your character would not only be equal to Gol D. Roger in the canon, but perhaps even surpass him. For that reason, we can not allow such a thing on a community based site. If you find a site that is based on writing self-contained fan-fiction stories, then your history will work out swimmingly.

However, that is not the purpose of this site. So I'm going to need you to just make a more reasonable history all around.

(Also the only elemental abilities that exist here that you can use without a devil fruit are generating fire, generating wind based slashes, utilizing fishman karate to bend water and utilizing electro to shock people. There are no such ice-based techniques outside of the Hie Hie no Mi, which is taken! :] So please fix that as well.)

Otherwise, the app looks awesome, so please just make the changes I have asked for and then you're good to go. If not, thank you for showing interest but this might not be right for you and the character you're trying to play.
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