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Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species/Tribe : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
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Posts : 1288

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Nov 30, 2019 2:57 pm
The member 'Castor O. Nox' has done the following action : Dice Roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 2, 16, 8

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 15, 6, 3, 14
Castor O. Nox
Castor O. Nox
[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 G7UGK6I
[tracker=/t980-castor-o-nox#4771]
Name : Castor O. Nox
Epithet : Sanpaku | The Azure Pheasant | Duke Of Lvneel | Saint Nox
Age : 25
Height : 5'9"
Weight : 175lbs
Species/Tribe : Three-Eye Tribesman
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Blockbuster
Alliance : -
Crew : Nox Pirates
Ship : The Wailing Calamity
Crew Role : Captain | Navigator | Book Collector | Pride Sin
Devil Fruit : Goro Goro no Mi
Bounty : [ber=r] 620,000,000
Quality Score : S
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (To all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.42 (Turf); +0.10 (Blockbuster); +0.20 (To all allies)
Shop Discount : -20%
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 96,000,000
Balance : [bel] 2,470,815,020
[[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[dreamsneverdie]]
[[bookworm]][[untouchable]][[childofdestiny]]
[[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]

Turf : [turf="/t296-turf-details-lvneel#1110"]Lvneel[/turf] [turf="/t309-turf-details-st-poplar#1124"]St. Poplar[/turf]
Posts : 794

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Sat Nov 30, 2019 4:11 pm







blur_on




Sanpaku


In one compact motion, Castor released a powerful wind blade from his nodachi. Electrically charged the projectile absorbing Castor’s power as it zoomed onward transformed into the face of a dragon’s head. The visage expanded, taking on the form of a seeming living breathing dragon. Mauling the knight, the dragon ripped away at the very fiber of Gryphon’s armor, rampaging around the battlefield, destroying several beams in Castle Vert’s courtyard. Stripped naked, the man’s body began to burn into a darken tint, singed from the electricity’s might. [HT - 60 Million Volt – Julungul]

It’s final destination saw it crashing into the patio overlooking the courtyard, where the young lord and his keep gawked on petrified. Moments before the impact, Lord Oliver scooped up Raphael to escape the beast’s tumultuous rage. The loud nerve wrecking sound that elapsed from the collision due to the lightning denizen’s minion  brought a smile to Nox’s face.

Immediately springing back from the chasm that was once the patio, Gryphon screeched his final war cry. Soaring to Castor’s position, the Supernova gradually heated the air around using his electrical prowess. Inches before contact, Castor caused air around him to explode from the sweltering heat, the shockwave staggered Gryphon’s advance and rendered him unconscious. [LT – Kari] As the man’s body thumped against the ground, Castor reached for his spear, impaling the Knight through his skull, pinning him to the terra below. [UT – Hit]

Using his Kenbunshoku Haki to scan the area, Raphael and Oliver Bolden’s presence disappeared. Turning to Victor and Cisco, Castor limped across the battlefield towards his nakama, Victor, still engaged in combat himself. Arriving at Cisco first, the two men looked into each others eyes intensely.

“A promise is a promise.”
Cisco stated.

“Are you sure old man? You could always come sailing with me.” Castor responded, his tone laced with inklings of melancholy.

“Ha! My time for adventure has come and passed. My will is yours. I’ve lived a long life. Everyone I love is dead. You too will die one day. I can’t rake anymore heartbreak. You’re my last student. The Rising Dragon Style is in your hands.” Cisco stated.

“A promise is a promise. I’ll make sure to send him to the underworld with you too.”
Castor concluded, raising his Nodachi above his head.

“One last thing. I must ask. Will you go after Seiryu?” Cisco stated.

“No. You were right. I have to walk my own path and that story begins now.” Castor lamented.

Swinging his blade violently against Cisco’s body, Castor took the life of his own mentor. Thus, the devil known as Sanpaku was born. A slight crack began to form along Summer Rain’s frame, symbolic of the pirate’s loss.

“I need to find a new weapon. Something that’s more me.” Castor stated, sheathing his blade and retrieving his spear, Iris. With no authority left to oppose them, with Vana’s court in disarray, Vana would soon spiral into a state of lawlessness.

COMBAT TRACKERS:

Word Count:  | Tagged: @Victor Abio


Notes: Operation Save Victor!




________________________________________________________
Anonymous
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[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:51 pm
Victor Abio uses
Sonic Bottle - MT at Grace
Light Pickup - LT on self
UT at Grace

Grace Nightingale uses
Lover's Parting - LT at Victor
Painful Caress - LT at Victor
UT at Victor
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species/Tribe : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1288

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:51 pm
The member 'Victor Abio' has done the following action : Dice Roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 18, 2, 16



Last edited by Castor O. Nox on Mon Dec 02, 2019 1:26 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Removed Devil F. Rolls)
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[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:52 pm
Roll for Grace Nightingale
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NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species/Tribe : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1288

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 12:52 pm
The member 'Victor Abio' has done the following action : Dice Roll


'Reflex Check' : 9, 8, 4
Anonymous
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[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 1:27 pm
Though Grace was still standing, and still able to fight, she was certainly feeling worse for wear. Good. This fight had completely turned around in Victor's favour, and he hadn't accidently killed her yet. And Victor could feel himself starting to calm down. Though the effects of one of his serums was wearing off. He would need to act quickly to finish this.

Grace, groaning in pain, jumped back and swung out her chain at him. At the same time, Victor threw another vial in her direction. The woman's chain barely grazed Victor as he moved back, while his bomb hit dead on, sending out a concussive blast that sent her sprawling. [Lover's Parting - LT - hit (graze)] [Sonic Bottle - MT - hit]

Grace groaned in pain as she painfully climbed to her feet. She was bruised, bleeding, and exhausted. She lashed out with her chain, trying to hit Victor, but the doctor merely stepped back, the attack swinging past her as he drank from a small bottle, feeling some strength returning to him (Painful Caress - LT - miss) (Light Pickup - hit)

Victor slowly approached the beaten woman. She certainly looked like she couldn't take much more. Victor would need to hold back on his attacks if he was to bring her in alive. Grace was panting heavily, spitting out a small wad of blood as she looked up at the doctor. As he came in range, she tried to slap him, hard, only for the doctor to catch her wrist (Grace's UT - miss). "I advise you stay down," Victor said calmly, before slapping her back, knocking her to the ground. [Victor's UT - hit]

COMBAT TRACKERS:
Castor O. Nox
Castor O. Nox
[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 G7UGK6I
[tracker=/t980-castor-o-nox#4771]
Name : Castor O. Nox
Epithet : Sanpaku | The Azure Pheasant | Duke Of Lvneel | Saint Nox
Age : 25
Height : 5'9"
Weight : 175lbs
Species/Tribe : Three-Eye Tribesman
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Blockbuster
Alliance : -
Crew : Nox Pirates
Ship : The Wailing Calamity
Crew Role : Captain | Navigator | Book Collector | Pride Sin
Devil Fruit : Goro Goro no Mi
Bounty : [ber=r] 620,000,000
Quality Score : S
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (To all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.42 (Turf); +0.10 (Blockbuster); +0.20 (To all allies)
Shop Discount : -20%
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 96,000,000
Balance : [bel] 2,470,815,020
[[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[dreamsneverdie]]
[[bookworm]][[untouchable]][[childofdestiny]]
[[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]

Turf : [turf="/t296-turf-details-lvneel#1110"]Lvneel[/turf] [turf="/t309-turf-details-st-poplar#1124"]St. Poplar[/turf]
Posts : 794

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 2:25 pm







blur_on




Sanpaku


Assuming his role as the ringleader of this entire fiasco, Castor walked gingerly over to Grace and Victor’s position, as the woman struggled to escape the Doctor’s grip.

“Enough Grace. Struggling won’t get you anywhere. Let’s talk.” Castor declared. Dragging the unconscious bodies of a few knights, and stacking them atop each other, the Three Eye deviant used the humans as his personal seat.

“I’ll give you your roses. Double crossing us almost went in your odds. Well done. However, me and Victor still ended up victorious. With the mafia looking for you and you’re lover dead… You find yourself alone with tons of enemies. So. Here’s my business proposition. Join my crew.” Castor stated.

Pausing to lean his face closer to Grace’s own, “However. I’m going to liberate your mind a bit. Victor. Are you familiar with a procedure known as a Lobotomy? I read it in a book once.” Castor stated. “I want you to remember this day. You’ll be reborn as my Lust Sin. Welcome to the Nox Pirates.” Castor stated, glaring menacingly at the woman with his third eye.

Once Victor had concluded rendering the woman unconscious, the next phase of Castor’s plan began to rear it’s ugly head. About a week later, Vana’s state was tossed in chaos. Oliver tired to liaison with rival Shields for assistance but with the civil war going on in Nilf, and the current drama in Alf, a third shield state failing wasn’t on the priority of the capital to save.  

Hence, Oliver had to turn to Vana’s local Underworld via the mafia for protection and to maintain order in Vana. With the majority of their senior knights dead, and their armies numbers significantly reduced, Stein/Stain used his connections to garner Vana as another one of his strongholds.

With this, Stein now possessed control over Alf, Vana and Musspell. The young lord Raphael was placed in protective custody to one of the head mafia’s in Vana, the Corleone Family. The same family that Grace had previously swindled. Locked within the now abandoned St.Grigg’s general hospital, Castor and Victor used the building as their base of operations before prepping to flee Vana for Jotun.

Strapped to the surgery table, squirming for her life, Castor and Victor stood in medical scrubs, observing their petrified patient.

“I’ll be back for you in about a week’s time Victor. Finish up any business you have here in Vana. I’ll return to Jotun and see how the situation stands after this whole ordeal. Sucks I won’t be able to use my Masked Knight alias anymore. Oh well. All good things must come to an end.”
Castor explained.


Word Count: 441  | Tagged: @Victor Abio


Notes: Operation Save Victor!




________________________________________________________
Anonymous
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[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 3:38 pm
Victor Abio uses
Vial Bomb - LT at Grace
UT at Grace

Grace Nightingale uses
LT at Victor
LT at Victor
UT at Victor
NPC
NPC
NPC
Tracker

Name : Variable
Epithet : Variable
Age : 0
Height : Variable
Weight : Variable
Species/Tribe : Variable
Faction : Variable
Crew : Variable
Ship : Variable
Crew Role : Variable
Devil Fruit : Variable
Bounty : Variable
Balance : Variable
Posts : 1288

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 3:38 pm
The member 'Victor Abio' has done the following action : Dice Roll


#1 'Reflex Check' : 9, 13

--------------------------------

#2 'Reflex Check' : 15, 9, 13
Anonymous
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[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 4:26 pm
As the doctor stood before his battered and beaten opponent, who would arrive on the scene, but Castor himself. Well, it seemed he had made short work of Gryphon. It was almost kind of humerous, learning that Grace had managed to outlast the head of Varna's military. A smirk spread across Victor's face as the man addressed the beaten and frightened woman directly. There was, however, one thing that stood out. The word lobotomy. Grace's eyes shot open in panic. "Wait, you can't be seriou-!" She didn't even get a chance to finish her statement. Victor took the opportunity to hit her point blank with another Vial Bomb, sending the woman crumbling to the ground and robbing her of her consciousness. He looked over at the Supernova, giving a small chuckle. "Consider it done."

-----*^*-----

The next week had been certainly interesting, what with the whole political discourse happening throughout Varna, as well as Lyneel. But, Victor had been busy with other matters. More importantly, his new patients.

Now, Castor had wanted him to lobotomize the woman, but Victor wasn't exactly keen to jump right into the brain scrambling. Grace had, well, shown quite a bit of medical skill, and recklessly diving into her brain could cost them that. Well, some conditioning might be required first. Castor wanted to make her into his avatar of lust, well, Victor was going to comply. He had been giving her a cocktail of aphrodisiacs, keeping her in a state of arousal.

Even now, she laid on the table, strapped down and squirming, both out of panic, and at the same time the chemicals running through her system. As Castor explained he'll be back in a week, Victor nodded. "Certainly. I'll be sure she's ready when you come to pick us up. Now then, if you'll excuse me, I believe it's time to move forward with this treatment. And it'll take some time, so I would appreciate some peace and quiet to work." He walked over to a small tool tray sitting beside the bed. Indeed, if he was going to rewire her brain to suit their needs, this will take some time, as well as intense concentration.

Slowly, he picked up two long metal needles. This would be very tricky indeed.

"Now then, let's begin shall we?"

COMBAT TRACKERS:
Castor O. Nox
Castor O. Nox
[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 G7UGK6I
[tracker=/t980-castor-o-nox#4771]
Name : Castor O. Nox
Epithet : Sanpaku | The Azure Pheasant | Duke Of Lvneel | Saint Nox
Age : 25
Height : 5'9"
Weight : 175lbs
Species/Tribe : Three-Eye Tribesman
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Blockbuster
Alliance : -
Crew : Nox Pirates
Ship : The Wailing Calamity
Crew Role : Captain | Navigator | Book Collector | Pride Sin
Devil Fruit : Goro Goro no Mi
Bounty : [ber=r] 620,000,000
Quality Score : S
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (To all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.42 (Turf); +0.10 (Blockbuster); +0.20 (To all allies)
Shop Discount : -20%
Crew Pool : [bel=u] 96,000,000
Balance : [bel] 2,470,815,020
[[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[dreamsneverdie]]
[[bookworm]][[untouchable]][[childofdestiny]]
[[punchoutguru]][[berryprinter]]

Turf : [turf="/t296-turf-details-lvneel#1110"]Lvneel[/turf] [turf="/t309-turf-details-st-poplar#1124"]St. Poplar[/turf]
Posts : 794

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 02, 2019 6:34 pm







blur_on




Sanpaku



“Take your time Doctor. Do be gentle. This exercise is just to teach Miss Nightingale a lesson. Our crew is the symbol of freedom. Anyone who stands in our path will be corrected.” Castor stated, walking off, waving his hand in the distance as he’d exit the operation room.

“Now then. I hope Dax hasn’t been getting in too much trouble.” Castor murmured to himself. In the next few days, the wine country known as Vana began to be filled with even more corruption than ever documented. News of the Nox Pirates actions wouldn’t reach the capital or the other shields until much later.

Mostly because Stain wanted the knowledge of Vana’s demise to remain a mystery at the time. The two engaged in a chess game that decided the fate of a whole nation of people. However, looming in the horizon was a threat that both the Nox Pirates and Lvneel soon would have to take seriously.




Viking Country | Island off the Coast of Lvneel


Standing among his people, the mighty Viking clan that had ceased their pirating ways almost decades ago out of love for the Montblanc’s idea of peace were engaged in feverish discussions.

“Father. You can’t be serious. Yes. I admit the new king is young and inexperienced but to throw away our people’s happiness for small injustices. Certainly you must clear your head!”
Ragnar, Leader of the Viking Clan formerly Valhalla Pirates, son, Bjorn pleaded.

“To hide the King’s death from me… A man who I loved dearly… Out of love alone I must have this injustice answered. I’ve sent ravens and messengers with no response from either means. In the olden days, the King would march weeks to speak with us. Now, the little pipsqueak on the throne won’t even utter a word in our favor. Our people have been targeted by slavers who sell in the Capital. Tell me. Whose head is not clear here, Bjorn!” Ragnar shouted.

A moment of silence filled the room as Bjorn and Ragnar’s arguing reached a fever pitch.

Breaking the silence, “What is it that you suggest then father?” Bjorn inquired.

Emptying the ale from his mug, “We march. Ready our ships. We’ll sail to Asgar to meet with the King directly.” Ragnar declared.

To Be Continued....



Word Count: 377  | Tagged: @Victor Abio


Notes: Operation Save Victor!




________________________________________________________
Gray
Gray
The Conqueror / Black Fist
[tracker=/t131-tracker-gray-starks#504]
Name : Gray
Epithet : "The Conqueror"; "Black Fist"
Age : 49
Height : 10'2" (310 cm)
Weight : 1043 lbs (473 kg)
Species/Tribe : Cyborg Human
Faction : Pirate
World Position : Lurking Legend (Former Yonkou)
Crew : Black Fist Pirates (Destroyed)
Ship : Sangria's Vane (Destroyed)
Crew Role : Captain (Former)
Devil Fruit : Pressure-Pressure Fruit
Bounty : [ber=r] 5,000,000,000
EXP Bonus : +0.20 (to all allies)
Income Bonus : +0.20
Shop Discount : -30%
Balance : [bel] 25,000,000,000
[[strollingdeath]][[baneoftheweak]][[riseandshine]][[childofdestiny]][[freakofnature]]
[[punchoutguru]][[dulcetvirtuoso]]

[[improviseadaptovercome]]
Posts : 3983

[Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio - Page 2 Empty Re: [Arc] The Execution of Victor Abio

This post has in-line assessment comments.Mon Dec 30, 2019 1:42 pm

GRADING


COMMENTS

Castor O. Nox

- Certain lines of dialogue seemed forced and awkward. (For example: "I might not act like it but I'm a very sentimental person. Though, most of my actions aren't always coherent, my reason for being on Lvneel very much is.")

- On the other hand, some of your dialogue is deep and adds a lot of character to Castor. I love it. And the way you use philosophical and poetic narration is also really engaging. I think it's your greatest strength.

- There is the occasional misuse of words and phrases which can be a little off-putting. But, regardless, I almost always understand the meaning behind what you're describing and appreciate the use of imagery! (One example of what I'm referring to is this: "Extending his index finger through the crevices of the cells bars, Castor shot a lightning bot towards the rusty chains, awakening the man from his deep slumber with a rude jolt.") We generally use "crevices" to refer to gaps in a solid object where you would not expect to see gaps - like a wall or a rock. That being said, that sentence itself made perfect sense.

- "I'll bite. Tell me more old man." Castor stated, pretending to be uninterested. <-- Tell me more while I pretend to be uninterested. Lmaoooo whaaat?
- I really like the way in which you turned the Cisco fight into a tutoring session.
- You never revealed the exact reason why Grace waited a whole month (and for Castor to recover) before revealing her true colours. It felt like a bit of a plot hole. And the fact that Victor trusted a shady woman like that so easily makes him feel really naive.
- That revelation of Sinclair being a collector of bodies was great! Sent chills up my spine.
- Damn. Reworking your techs really made a huge difference, huh? You took down a +3 boss like he was nothing. Impressive!


Victor Abio

- There was a stark contrast between how Castor introduced Cisco and how you introduced Grace. Her entrance was abrupt - which is fine, but is Victor not supposed to be a cautious man? His agreement to come to an arrangement with her fell flat because there was nothing she did that could reasonably convince anyone. Being convinced by the look in her eyes is fine too, but then you have to describe the look more thoroughly.
- You did not react at all to Castor bursting into the hospital and shaking the entire building.
- Not a big deal, but the boss' UT damages in this post and this post should have been crits since he rolled 20. Crits do 1.5x damage, so his UTs should've done 3 damage. Please keep crits in mind next time for bosses too.
- Your tendency to suddenly start writing from another character's perspective can be really off-putting. Don't get me wrong, there are ways to use this technique effectively (Castor does this well), but your point-of-view shifts always seem too jarring and unnecessary.
- You did not meet the post requirement in the last thread (you had 8 posts when minimum per thread is 9), however, since you 11 posts in the first thread, it's okay.
- I enjoyed the characterization of Victor's confidence. He is very different from Anton, and you did well not to mix those personalities up at all!




REWARDS

Castor O. Nox
Difficulty Bonus: +100% (+3)
Quality Bonus: +100% (S)

EXP: 750 [250 + (1.0*250) + (1.0*250)]
Berries: 158,400,000 berries [800k*66 + 100%(800k*66) + 100%(800k*66)]
Bounty: 110,000,000 | {Castor killed one of the strongest knights in Lvneel and basically destroyed an entire region. The counts of crimes here are too many to list. Not to mention how his cover as The Masked Knight is now blown.}

Old balance: 88,379,688
Updated balance: 246,779,688

Old EXP: 5873
New EXP: 6623

Old Bounty: 290,000,000
New Bounty: 400,000,000


You've levelled up seven levels from level 58 to level 66! That means you have 160 stat points that can be distributed. Please let me know where you'd like these to go!

Victor Abio
Difficulty Bonus: +25% (+1)
Quality Bonus: +25% (B)

EXP: 375 [250 + (0.25*250) + (0.25*250)]
Berries: 12,000,000 [800k*10 + 25%(800k*10)]
Bounty: 25,000,000 | {Committed treason against Vana's government and killed a knight. Also escaped lawful imprisonment.}

Old balance: 401,563
Updated balance: 12,401,563

Old EXP: 1071
New EXP: 1446

Old bounty: 0
New bounty: 20,000,000

You've levelled up three levels from level 10 to level 14! That means you have 80 stat points that can be distributed. Please let me know where you'd like these to go!


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