[World Event] A Fool's Errand

Chapter 8

Seamus was almost disappointed by the swiftness of the freebooters' surrender. Moments ago, he would've been hard-pressed to credit them with any capacity to reason.

It seemed though, despite their capitulation, they had not lost their defiance. Seamus had only just returned to his human form when the teal-haired smokester hawked up a spiteful loogie on his shoe.

[npc=cpol]"It was already spit-shined, you vulgar goon!"[/npc] Seamus growled before swinging the insulted foot ruthlessly into the offender's face, sending him crashing between two tall metal cylinders. The barrels hissed, hummed, and drummed as a few pipes ruptured, springing a leak.

[npc=cpol]"Line them all up and search the place. Let's find out what dirty secrets the Iron Beast and his fat stooge have been hiding here,"[/npc] Seamus ordered.

A few agents dragged the arrested individuals into a single, neat row and forced them to their knees. Even a single word of dissent earned a rifle butt to the back of the head; and yet the ginger scamp had several to say.

[npc=misc]"Let us go, you buttermilk chicken--Ow!"[/npc] The boy shouted, fighting his shackles and the throbbing pain in his skull. It was not a fight he could win.

[npc=cpol]"He's a milquetoast chicken, boy. If you're going to parrot someone's insults, at least get them right,"[/npc] a CP2 agent corrected him after delivering the disciplining blow. But, a glare from his chief silenced him immediately.

[npc=misc]"I don't care if he's buttermilk or milk toast or tea biscuit! He's an ugly chicken either way--OW!--When I get free, I'm gonna build a torpedo to shoot him out of the sky."[/npc]

[npc=cpol]"Ignorant chimp, torpedoes are fired underwater,"[/npc] Seamus was compelled to argue. [npc=cpol]"Gah, why am I debating missile nomenclature with a ten-year-old?"[/npc]

[npc=misc]"I'm thirtee--OW!"[/npc]

Seamus brushed aside the boy's bellyaching and directed a studious eye to one of the many vibrating drums in the large room. A few specks of red rust spotted its otherwise pristine metal shell. The glow of the balmy afternoon sun leaked from the broken ceiling and lit up a set of faint letters on the contraption.

[npc=cpol]"M... A... D..."[/npc] Seamus read them aloud. A foreboding tremble of the earth followed. Outside the building, sirens began to blare, though the thick walls of the factory seemed to muffle the racket sufficiently.

[npc=cpol]"Chief! We found something you need to see,"[/npc] claimed Agent Borrows. [npc=cpol]"But, first, can you please lend me some money? I need five million belly to buy medicine for my wife,"[/npc] he insisted. His ghoulish, hunchbacked frame barred Seamus' way.

[npc=cpol]"You don't have a wife, Goffer. Skip the begging and show me what you were going to show me,"[/npc] Seamus demanded. A whisper of frustration lingered in his voice, perhaps still inflamed by the child's goading. He surged forward, spurring Agent Borrows to lead the way.

In a cramped nook adjoined to the main chamber, they had discovered countless shelves of potted plants. Each plant was serviced by a heat lamp and a thin pipe slowly dripping a viscous red liquid into the soil.

[npc=cpol]"What is this, Rohan?"[/npc] Seamus asked Agent Broad, who was closely inspecting the out-of-place hydroponic setup. The muscular man turned, his high heels scratching the cheap white tiles, and replied, [npc=cpol]"It's hard to say, sir. Most of the plants look wilted and lifeless. A handful out of the hundred or so have at least sprouted leaves. But, there are three plants that you'll find particularly interesting."[/npc]

Seamus' shocked brows climbed into the brim of his hat as he stared wordlessly at the three plants in question. They stood side-by-side, each with one rotting purple fruit. All three were thoroughly wrinkled and strained, as if most of their pulp had been sucked out. But, the property of the fruits that earned his speechless wonderment was the layer of spirals covering one side of each of the fruits.

[npc=cpol]"Are those what I think they are?"[/npc] Seamus spoke after a long moment of quiet disbelief.

[npc=cpol]"They don't look like ordinary devil fruits. My best guess...? They're synthetic,"[/npc] said Agent Broad with a grim tone that signalled an understanding of the implications.

[npc=cpol]"Artificial devil fruits? That's impossible,"[/npc] said Agent Borrows. His back hunched further as he ogled the spoiled produce.

[npc=cpol]"Not... exactly,"[/npc] Seamus argued. [npc=cpol]"While I've never seen any proof, word is Dr. Oletonne has already developed a method to synthesize devil fruits and even duplicate them."[/npc]

The earth grumbled again, as if recoiling at the very idea of such unnatural abominations. The sirens continued also.

[npc=cpol]"Dr. Oletonne Casio has been labelled the world's greatest scientist for decades. I've heard hundreds of stories about gizmos and gewgaws he's supposedly invented that have never seen the light of day. I bet most of them are hoaxes; I bet he couldn't even build me a belly printer so I wouldn't have to keep asking for money,"[/npc] Agent Borrows said.

[npc=cpol]"There is one sure way of finding out what these things are,"[/npc] Agent Broad claimed. [npc=cpol]"We could try feeding one of them to one of our detainees."[/npc]

Seamus pondered the idea before nodding. [npc=cpol]"It's worth a try, and I know just who to start with."[/npc] There was a devil behind his smiling silver eyes.

As the chief and his two officer agents returned to their prisoners, a disgruntled voice groaned. It came from the short man with a shiny head.

[npc=cpol]"Oh, wonderful. You woke up just in time to watch the experiment, Ta'al. I was worried we had turned you into doormats,"[/npc] Seamus taunted the bald terrorist. Ta'al tried to scratch an itch on his scalp, only to notice the chains that restrained him.

[npc=cmdr]"Did ya really gas us, ya wimp?"[/npc] He hissed. His fishman partner was awake beside him too. [npc=cmdr]"If ya had any guts, ya would've fought us like a man instead of hidin' behind your sneaky toads. But, I guess that's expectin' too much from a spineless mollusc."[/npc]

[npc=misc]"Call him a buttermilk chicken!"[/npc] The insolent boy shouted.

[npc=cmdr]"Yeah! Ya goddamned... uh... buttermilk chicken,"[/npc] Ta'al complied, half-confused, half-amused. [npc=cmdr]"Fight me fair-and-square, and I'll show ya just who the doormat is."[/npc]

Seamus was neither confused nor amused. He had found a new subject for the experiment.

[npc=cpol]"I've changed my mind. We'll start with you instead,"[/npc] he said, gesturing to Agents Borrows and Broad.

A few other agents had fished out a sturdy iron chair from the bowels of the factory. They secured the sharp-tongued NRA commander tightly to the chair, making sure he was as uncomfortable as he could be.

[npc=cmdr]"Get your grubby hands off me, ya damn extras!"[/npc] The man resisted violently, flopping like a fish, but it was not enough. Seamus imagined he had learned such tricks from his ugly fishman friend.

[npc=cmdr]"Wudderr joo dooin' do Godli-zan? Ah'll gill joo ib joo dutch heem!"[/npc] Growled the ugly fishman friend, battling fruitlessly against his manacles. Seamus did not care for a translation.

[npc=cpol]"Now, make sure he keeps his mouth open for this next part,"[/npc] Seamus said, grinning maliciously.

Agent Broad pried open Ta'al's lower jaw, only for the NRA commander to force it closed and nearly bite through his muscly digits. Broad screamed and caressed his hand after a hasty retreat.

Agent Borrows acted next. His bony arms crept around Ta'al from behind, as if he were pulling him into a skeletal embrace.

[npc=cmdr]"Fuck off, ya damn spook!"[/npc] Ta'al said. A shudder in his voice betrayed unexpected dread.

Borrows wrenched his spindly fingers into the rebel's mouth and levered his jaws open with an unsettling snap. Ta'al groaned and shook in his chair, but Borrows held on.

[npc=cpol]"Take your time, sir. I can do this all day,"[/npc] he said. But, Seamus could tell he was struggling. So, he hurried to his test subject and forced one of the rotten fruits into his mouth. Borrows immediately forced the man's mouth shut.

Ta'al's eyes turned into veiny red crystals as he gagged violently. But, Seamus pinched his victim's nose, coaxing him to swallow.

They waited a few seconds, letting Ta'al breathe—though he mostly just coughed until, suddenly, he stopped. His red eyes lost their glare and his heart thumped so loudly, they could almost hear it across the room. A single audible gasp escaped him before his neck lost all rigidity and let his head hang limp like a broken doll.

[npc=cpol]"I think he's dead,"[/npc] Borrows said as he tried to measure a pulse on his neck.

[npc=cpol]"Well, that's horribly disappointing,"[/npc] Seamus remarked. He meant it too.

The fishman roared and stomped. He bit one agent's shoulder off and electrocuted another one who got too close. [npc=cmdr]"Wuddid joo do?! Godli-zan! Wag ub! Oh no... Wuddo Ah do?!"[/npc] He cried.

It took a gunshot to his leg from Broad and several brutal strikes to his gut from Borrows' iron drill to force the fishman back to his knees.

[npc=cpol]"Cuff him in sea stone. I never realized this one had powers,"[/npc] said one of the agents.

[npc=cpol]"That would be pointless,"[/npc] claimed Seamus. [npc=cpol]"I believe he's an electric eel. The creature was born with that gift. It's not a devil fruit ability."[/npc]

The agents cast nervous glances at the fishman before taking two steps away.

[npc=cpol]"Let's try one more time. We'll still have the third fruit to bring back to our lab rats,"[/npc] Seamus said, channelling some semblance of optimism.

[npc=cpol]"It's your turn."[/npc] He approached the ginger-haired brat who had been a pain in his side since he entered that accursed factory.

[npc=misc]"NO! Git away from me precious wee lad, ye devil-in-white!"[/npc] The old woman beside the boy screeched.

[npc=cpol]"Shit, how did she get loose?!"[/npc] Seamus cried and tried to catch her.

It was too late.

Within a blink, she was upon him like a vicious wolverine, clawing and hammering and whipping him with the cuffs she was previously restrained with.

[npc=cpol]"Bullets!"[/npc] Seamus commanded.

The chaos flared with a volley of gunfire. Thin wisps of smoke cleared from the barrels of several pistols and rifles. The savage assault ended as suddenly as it had begun. Seamus hefted the hobbled body of the decrepit crone off himself like a sack of grain. She fell to the side, gurgling.

[npc=misc]"GRANNY, NOOO!! You murdered her, you monsters!!"[/npc] The boy lamented as he dashed, armless, to his doomed grandmother. He had slithered away from his guard, still in chains.

[npc=misc]"Donnae ye stop bein' a good lad, Winny..."[/npc] The hag mumbled with her last breath. Salty streams flowed from his eyes, wet snot drained from his nose, and grief-struck howls came from his gaping maw as the boy wept over his grandmother's lifeless body. His cries almost synchronized with the sirens outside. They echoed around the chamber like a wraith's hollow screams.

Somehow, the old woman had died smiling, with barely a few last words to soothe the boy she sought so vainly to protect. And yet, despite all, only rage stewed within Seamus. It left no room for sympathy.

[npc=cpol]"You idiots! She could've killed me!"[/npc] He snarled at his agents. [npc=cpol]"How could you let her go free?"[/npc]

[npc=cpol]"She unlocked her cuffs. But, I can't find what she used,"[/npc] confessed one of the agents as he searched the floor helplessly on all fours, shuffling around the other prisoners even if they objected.

The Cipher Pol chief stood up—furious—but his hat remained on the floor. He had not realized that the old woman had knocked him into the dirt, nor that his tidy white suit was now sullied by her blood.

The ginger's ear-piercing cries continued, limiting Seamus' capacity to think.

[npc=cpol]"You damn brat - shut your wailing and eat this!"[/npc] He yelled as he grabbed the boy by one of the straps of his overalls and stuffed the second spoiled fruit into his mouth. The urchin kicked and begged to no avail. His long sobs only made it easier to force him to swallow.

This time, the heart thump was quieter, less angry. But, it was not death that came for him.

It was perdition.

His bright red hair began spreading across his skin, starting from his neck. It infected his cheeks and his chest; it grew down his arms as his fingers stretched like claws; it propagated to his legs as his feet turned into hands of a sort. Finally, a long red tail snaked out behind him through his overalls, long and curly.

[npc=cpol]"The sea stone cuffs, hurry!"[/npc] Seamus shouted.

The agents quickly bound his wrists with sea prism stone, and yet his new transformation did not revert. But, they did succeed in suppressing his burgeoning toughness. The boy's wriggling arms and legs weakened as he collapsed meekly.

[npc=cpol]"I can't believe it,"[/npc] Seamus stuttered as he stared, awestruck, at the whimpering child—now mutated into a strange half-breed red monkey. [npc=cpol]"To think they found a way to grow devil fruits... even these lesser imitations. This could shake up the seven seas or worse."[/npc]

His ominous words were punctuated by a dire augury in the form of distant roars, quakes, and sirens; and perhaps the curses and protests of their frenzied captives.




The NRA lost two more soldiers fighting a bevy of pirates as they cleared the landing for their comrades. With grim faces and heavy hearts, the remaining twelve waved at the ship once it was in sight.

Sergeant Sumac was the first to greet Sergeant Stout's and Noah's contingent when they disembarked.

[npc=revo]"Boy, am I glad to see some friendly faces. Though it seems you brought along some new ones too. They've unleashed their monstrous dinosaur. Good thing we brought one of our own,"[/npc] he boasted with a reluctant smile.

Sergeant Nettle addressed the new acquaintances Noah's company had sailed with.

[npc=revo]"I know we're asking a lot from you by having you wait here with your ship. But, you're helping us save lives that might just one day change the world for the better. We've taken care of all the pirates in this area, and the battle should be focused within the city and near the port, so you should be safe here for a while. I promise we'll be back faster than the wind once we've rescued our commanders. I beg you to stay until then, though I won't blame you if you leave."[/npc]

Once they were ready, Sumac issued orders, scratching an itch on the back of his neck with the nozzle of his tank hose. [npc=revo]"Noah, Maquet, Stout, Kathy - you'll run point with me. We're heading straight for the central facility. No distractions. Sabian, you and Nettle will run interference on our flanks if and when we get attacked. Sound good?"[/npc]




During their clumsy descent into the city on their inky mount, Nesbit had a moment to further scout the current state of his domain. Away from the calamity devised by his alleged leader, the Iron Beast, he spotted a wave of Carbuncle's finest—or rather, Carbuncle's worst—intercepting the marine intruders.

Sirens began to sing across the city from many loudspeaker snails. Nesbit chuckled under his breath. He thought the warning was tardy if half the city was already engaged in the fight. But, he had yet to realize the battle would scale up considerably.

His mini transponder snail rang, which Nesbit promptly answered.

[npc=pirt]"Is that you, Mr. Audi?"[/npc] He asked.

[npc=pirt]"Yeah, it's me boss, if you know who I mean. I've got some bad news, if you know what I mean,"[/npc] Billy Audi spoke through the snail.

[npc=pirt]"I am already aware that Mr. Silver is very likely locked in a skirmish with Rear Admiral Nottingham. You should have seen the twinkle in his eyes when he heard his name. He was starved for a challenge. The harsh training he inflicts upon himself in the Patch Mountains apparently does not suffice,"[/npc] Nesbit said.

[npc=pirt]"Yeah, well, that was only part of it, boss. There's more, if you know what I mean. We thought it was just fifty or sixty blues, and Nottingham would be the only problem, if you know who I mean. But, that ain't all. Our scouts just spotted two more bucket loads making a beeline for Carbuncle, if you know where I mean."[/npc]

[npc=pirt]"I beg your pardon?"[/npc] Nesbit stumbled over his words. [npc=pirt]"Are you suggesting there are two marine vessels advancing towards this island?"[/npc]

[npc=pirt]"I ain't suggesting it, boss. I'm telling it, if you know how I mean. There are probably three or four hundred blues a piece on those big buckets. There was also another smaller bucket we spotted earlier, but we don't think that was the blues. We're still trying to figure out who it was, if you know how I mean."[/npc]

Nesbit faltered, and it wasn't because of the flimsy creature he rode.

[npc=pirt]"That is distressing news, Mr. Audi. I am disheartened to admit that Carbuncle's prosperous life is at its end. The continued success of our initiative here relied on our affairs remaining outside the concerned gaze of the Navy. A Marine invasion is nothing short of ruinous. Worse yet, CP9 has sent agents for me as well. We must eliminate the most dangerous of our secrets and make a swift and stealthy escape. Fortuitously, I have enlisted the assistance of a capable guardian, whose ability—I trust—may be most useful."[/npc]

[npc=pirt]"Why the fuck's CP9 after you, boss, if you know who I mean?"[/npc] Mr. Audi asked.

[npc=pirt]"Douse that concern from your mind, Mr. Audi. Instead, I implore you to eliminate all contents of the back room of the main facility, if you know what I mean,"[/npc] Nesbit instructed.

[npc=pirt]"I know what you mean, boss,"[/npc] Mr. Audi confirmed.

Nesbit turned his attention to his new companion once the call ended. [npc=pirt]"It is imperative we reach our destination with greater haste, Mr. Garland. If we arrive at an inconvenient time, we may find ourselves enveloped by a lethal conflagration of Mr. Audi's making."[/npc]




Captain Meredith Wyre coughed and wheezed as she held a firm palm over a bleeding hole in her side. She walked herself alone to a quiet corner, her sheathed rapier serving as a cane.

[npc=navy]"Looks like we really kicked the hornet's nest... I guess these factories weren't all filled with cowards and weaklings after all. If they keep coming at us like this, I don't know if we can hold out until the reinforcements arrive. Our lives are in the hands of a bear, a weasel, and a belligerent swordsman."[/npc] She snickered weakly to herself.

[npc=navy]"Though Yumiko doesn't seem like she would enjoy me calling her that. I wonder if Oki would mind..."[/npc] The marine captain collapsed with her back against a damp wooden wall. When she shifted to look, she learned the dampness was leaking from her, not the building behind her.

[npc=navy]"I would really like to not die here, Bradley..."[/npc] she said, tears spilling from her eyes as they grew heavy.




Nesbit awkwardly dismounted the painted reptile. It was already losing its original shape under the sun, its ink gradually melting into little puddles.

[npc=pirt]"We are fortunate to not have been spotted by that demented weasel woman flying circles in the sky. Now, please follow me."[/npc]

The chubby gentleman entered a ramshackle shed. Debris and junk littered the inside of the small structure. Nesbit hurriedly hoisted a few scraps and broken pieces of furniture, knocking them aside to reveal a thick metal bunker door embedded in the floor. He unlocked the three giant locks one after the other, and then tried lifting the heavy door.

[npc=pirt]"I would appreciate a strong arm or two,"[/npc] Nesbit groaned at Garland as he struggled against the weight.

Once they had the entrance into the ground open, Nesbit fetched his notepad and scribbled a word with his finger. He tore the page neatly and folded it into a thin strip. With a quick blow of his breath, one corner of the strip burned like the wick of a candle. He held up the improvised torch and lit their way down a set of stone stairs into a dark and narrow tunnel. They made sure to close the door behind them.

[npc=pirt]"This will lead us to a secure lab in the mountains, where I must collect some evidence and dispose of the rest. I must insist, however, that you allow me privacy while I do what I must. I am grateful for your aid, but, if you were to discover the wrong detail, it would only make you a loose end requiring a knot. I would have us be allies, not adversaries."[/npc]

They continued down the gloomy corridor buried deep in the ground for a long while, with only the small candle lighting their way - at least until Nesbit noticed a warm glow radiating from around the bend.

As they had walked deeper into the tunnel, Nesbit had warned Hyde how it would eventually start to run hot. But, he did not expect it to happen so soon. Nor did he expect an illuminating glow when they were only halfway to the mountains.

[npc=pirt]"Something is amiss..."[/npc] Nesbit croaked. His hands trembled.

[npc=pirt]"Oh dear. We need to turn back,"[/npc] he said. The terror in his voice escalated with every word.

[npc=pirt]"NOW!"[/npc] He broke into a graceless sprint, scudding faster beyond even his pudgy legs' limit.

The warm glow turned hot behind them. They could hear a raging roil chasing them like a formless fiend, scorching and smoldering as it lit their way ahead. There was no more need for candles.

Nesbit had abandoned all his previous composure as they fled from the magma, his mind dishevelled by the endless unpleasant surprises that had filled his day.

[npc=pirt]"RUUUUUUN!"[/npc] That was all he could think or say.

---

Notes:

---